TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Feels like it’s been forever since we last caught up… quick math: 2 days.
Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to catch you up on all this week’s finance news… and WTF it actually means.
Now, here’s what’s on tap today… SpaceX and Anthropic are uniting (… in their dislike of OpenAI), McDonald’s says Americans are poor, and Coinbase just got rug-pulled.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 48 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
P.S. - In case you missed the update, we are making some moves this Summer. Expect twice-weekly TWC for a bit.
P.P.S. - Thanks in advance for doing your part in keeping TWC free and independent (read: clicking and checking out our advertising partners daily).
Frenemies
Elon: “No one hates Sam like me.”
Dario: “Hold my beer hand.”
On this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of AI Billionaires,” Elon’s back at it (think: feuding with @sama) again.
But this time, he’s got some help, from the guy on the right…
On Wednesday, SpaceX announced that it’d be leasing compute power from its Colossus 1 data center to Anthropic.
Dario & Co. are set to access over 220k Nvidia processors for 300 megawatts of new capacity within 30 days at Elon’s Memphis facility.
“Wait, are we talking about the same Elon that wrote this like 3 months ago?” - you, probably
Yep. Same guy. Turns out Elon spent some time with Anthropic’s hypnotists leadership, and “No one set off my evil detector,” which… I guess that’s good.
Plus, SpaceX is already focusing on Colossus 2, so Phony Stark must not mind leaving his sloppy seconds to the other guy who hates OpenAI as much as he does.
Speaking of Elon’s beef with Scam Altman…
ScammyGPT’s been getting ripped several new ones all week long, dealing with our ex-VP’s lawsuit against him.
ChatGPT’s former head of tech Mira Murati said Sam was notorious for creating “chaos” and straight up lying as CEO. Oh, and even Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 1.19% ) CEO Satya got dragged into the mix with some hilarious revealing text convos from those sweet, sweet chaotic days.
So who’s gonna save us from these feuding billionaires?
Donny Politics, of course.
The Dept. of Commerce just inked agreements with Google $GOOG ( ▼ 0.76% ), Microsoft, and xAI to play full-on AI babysitter.
Well, technically, to “conduct pre-deployment evaluations and targeted research to better assess frontier AI capabilities and advance the state of AI security.”
Oh, and agreements with Anthropic and OpenAI have “been renegotiated” to get some Uncle Sam oversight into the AI mix.
“Gee, thanks” - everyone being replaced by AI
All eyes on this company right now…
🚨 No, it's not the overhyped tech giant you might expect… Meet $MODE, the disruptor turning phones into money printers.
📲 Mode’s 32,481% revenue growth ranked them #1 on Deloitte’s list of fastest-growing companies in software (spoiler: that’s a BFD).
They aim to pioneer "Privatized Universal Basic Income" powered by technology, not Uncle Sam, and their EarnPhone has already helped consumers like you and me earn & save $1B+.
Ad disclaimers below*
+ Americans, right now: “Help me, I’m poor”
CEOs: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty bleak guidance is the new beat and raise this earnings szn. Whirlpool $WHR ( ▲ 0.51% ), McDonald’s $MCD ( ▲ 0.09% ), Planet Fitness $PLNT ( ▲ 2.25% ), and Dine Brands $DINE ( ▼ 0.02% ) (think: Applebee’s and IHOP) are warning that consumers are taking a hit financially, so poor performance is def not their fault…
Mickey D’s CEO Chris “Tiny Bite” Kempczinski said it’s “a challenging environment” out there. But still managed to drop a beat on the top and bottom lines yesterday.
Is the Golden Arches winning a recession indicator?
+ Speaking of earnings… how would you like less of them?
In case you missed it, the SEC formally proposed a rule change this week to allow companies to report “semiannually” (read: twice a year) instead of quarterly.
It’s been on Donny Securities’ agenda for a while now, but the proposal means this change could go live after a 60-day public comment period.
Fraud about to spread quicker than the d*mn hantavirus up in this b*tch.
Coinbase $COIN ( ▼ 4.14% ) dropped some truly p*ss poor earnings yesterday…
But before we get to the results, friendly reminder that Brian Armstrong just cut 14% of the workforce (‘bout 700 workers) earlier this week, blaming crypto's current price sh*tshow volatility and, you guessed it, AI. Oh, and insult to injury, does this memo feel like AI writing to anyone else?
Anyway, back to those earnings… COIN posted a yuge miss on the top and bottom lines. Think: $1.49 loss per share vs. $0.27 profit estimated. And $1.41B revenue compared to the $1.52B expected…
Shares obviously tanked after hours.
> GameStop CEO Says eBay Shut Account After Funding Stunt // They’re really gonna stop a hardworking American from trying to sell a pair of socks for $14k?
> DOJ probes $2.6B in suspicious oil trades tied to Iran war announcements // How come no one’s ever asked me to inside trade with them?
> Morgan Stanley Debuts Crypto Trading, Undercuts Rivals on Price // Who’s going to tell them about free trading on Robinhood?
> Trump, Ric Flair, Atlanta Braves, media personalities react to Ted Turner’s death: ‘One of the Greats of All Time’ // RIP, legend.
> Elite corporate lawyers accused of earning millions on insider trading, using bizarre code like, ‘How’s the rabbi?’ // Insider trading is so back.
> Oh, and Mounjaro is now the world’s top-selling drug…
Cold, hard… oil.
These guys have decades of seismic data, two million acres, and fifty-eight prospects mapped on a basin most analysts could not find on a map, you couldn’t either, don’t lie.
Greenland Energy Company (NASDAQ: GLND) just made it all investable from your brokerage account. Independent engineers say the Jameson Land Basin could hold up to ~13 billion barrels of recoverable oil. The first two wells are going up this year.
This is one of the last true frontier petroleum plays on Earth. Now with a ticker. Learn more about how these guys are changing the game.
This is a paid advertisement by Greenland Energy Company.
On Tuesday, I asked, “If you had to pick ONE company with the highest chance of taking over the entire world in a singular monopoly, who you got?”
49.3% of you said, “Amazon.” Imagine telling someone that in 2002…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Google: “Only one on the list that became a verb.” Not sure on that. “Amazon” is definitely a verb in my house…
Other (write-in): “Spirit Airlines.” Nobody tell him.
Tesla (or other Elon project): “I think Elon is going to win the robot wars, then someone will have to travel into the past to protect their son, who will save us all from the robot takeover...hasta la vista, baby.” Had not considered the Skynet of it all.
Amazon: “They already own my wife.” There’s more to Prime. A cuckload more.
Other (write-in): “You didn't say US company T-Dog so the answer is Samsung. Most don't realize how many industries they have their hands in like hospitals and more.” I’m sorry, I thought this was America…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Be honest with me... If someone gave you an inside trading tip and you knew FOR SURE you wouldn't get caught, would you go for it? (SEC is probably not monitoring this poll)
+ US stocks ripped on Tuesday (S&P 500: +0.8%) and Wednesday (S&P 500: +1.5%) on solid earnings, but retreated a bit on Thursday (S&P 500: -0.4%) as investors cashed out from the rally. Cowards.
🔴 Shake Shack shares crater 30% after burger chain reports operating loss // Have they tried pivoting to AI?
🔴 Planet Fitness stock plunges 30% after company slashes guidance, cancels planned price hikes // They’re about to make it even harder to cancel a membership, aren’t they?
🟢 Disney shares jump 8% as new CEO Josh D’Amaro’s growth strategy excites Wall Street // “And for my first order of business, 30% thiccer animated female characters.”
🟢 DoorDash pops 12% on strong earnings, upbeat order growth guidance // Name something more American than a $37 slop bowl (+$9 tip). I’ll wait.
+ Oil has been falling this week on news of a new Iran peace deal, but is set to moon after the US and Iran traded blows on Thursday.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 9% chance we get a Hantavirus pandemic this year. (Polymarket)
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Terawulf, Enbridge, Brookfield Asset Management, and Wendy’s report before the opening bell
+ The March jobs report will drop. Economists expect 49K job additions for the month and for the unemployment rate to remain at 4.3%
⏩⏩ On Monday…
+ Circle Internet Group, Constellation Energy, Monday.com, and Barrick Mining will report before the bell
+ Hims & Hers Health, AST SpaceMobile, Rigetti Computing, Archer Aviation, MARA Holdings, Quantum Computing, Plug Power, CleanSpark, Surf Air Mobility, FIGS, and ZoomInfo will report after the bell
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of a guy with a Nano Banana account and a wild imagination. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.
Ad Disclaimer
Please read the offering circular and related risks at invest.modemobile.com. This is a paid advertisement for Mode Mobile’s Regulation A+ Offering.
Mode Mobile recently received their ticker reservation with Nasdaq ($MODE), indicating an intent to IPO in the next 24 months. An intent to IPO is no guarantee that an actual IPO will occur.
The Deloitte rankings are based on submitted applications and public company database research, with winners selected based on their fiscal-year revenue growth percentage over a three-year period.