Hey there weekday warrior,
Got a few updates before we get to the news today. So let me cook.
Summer is basically here (it’s a rounding error at this point), and I have some big plans for The Water Coolest.
I read all your comments from our Q1 Survey this year (yeah, all of them), and one thing was clear. You want TWC to stay free and independent. Which, me too.
So, this summer, we’re taking the time to get back in the lab and cook up some new things I know you're going to like. Think: deeper coverage, better references (kidding, they’re already *chef’s kiss*), new things to read and explore, and better ads (you know, the thing that keeps us free).
“But Tyler, how could you possibly make TWC better than it already is?” - you, an intellectual with great taste
Well, the TWC team’s going to need some extra time in our day to build. For the summer, we’re swapping the daily emails for twice-weekly deep(er) dives. The plan will be to ramp back up later this year.
And before you go all, “you’ve changed, man…” Yea, bro I’m literally trying to. That’s why we’re doing this. The whole TWC team is pulling to make things even better.
Speaking of the TWC team… I’m also gonna introduce you to Tyler. No, not me, the other one. Meet Tyler H, my write hand, if you will (yes, I really hired a dude with the same first name).
“dAmMit, tHe WrItInG’s gOiNg tO gO sTrAiGhT tO h*LL nOw. i’M uNsUbScRibInG.” - the haters, probably
Well, haters, you might be surprised to know that T. Hixson has been contributing to the TWC writing for a long time already (think: over a year), with me in the editing seat. So be nice.
I still see every letter of every word, but having him around has given me some room to work on my Chief Newsletter Officer email and some other projects.
And yeah, you should probably 👉 Join Chief Newsletter Officer for free
Ok, that’s it for now, TL;DR version is this…
We are making some moves this Summer. So, in the near term, expect twice-weekly TWC and better ads. Later this year, look out for new publications and a few other surprises.
Thanks in advance for doing your part in keeping TWC free and independent (read: clicking and checking out our advertising partners daily).
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ Spirit Airlines Spirit Halloween…
Sad weekend for broke travelers everywhere. Spirit Airlines is shutting down after 34 years of ruining air travel for everyone. After several attempts at staying alive (think: blocked JetBlue $JBLU ( ▲ 4.4% ) merger and a $500M bailout from Uncle Sam), Spirit is going out of business harder than a Red Lobster after Endless Shrimp.
Spirit canceled several hundred flights over the weekend (plus, all future flights, obviously).
Anyway. RIP, Spirit…
+ Believe all men (except this guy)
In case you’ve been touching grass all weekend (good for you), let me catch you up on the completely fabricated sex scandal everyone’s been losing their minds over…
Former JPMorgan $JPM ( ▼ 0.24% ) worker Chirayu Rana got outed for completely fabricating an extreme sexual harassment claim against exec Lorna “Cannons” Hajdini for making him her “sex slave.” Sure, bro.
How can we be so sure the guy who has a future in mommy p*rn novels is completely and totally full of sh*t? Well, partially because he asked a legal chatbot for help fabricating the whole thing. Not to mention, JPMorgan is standing by the accused executive director after a full investigation.
+ Everyone: “She’s out of your league.”
Ryan Cohen: “Hold my beer.”
Apparently GameStop $GME ( ▲ 6.33% ) is prepping an offer to buy eBay $EBAY ( ▲ 0.57% ). And just in case you don’t memorize market caps, this’d be the memestonk equivalent of the minnow eating a shark that one shark from The Meg.
Turns out GameStonk (market cap: $12B) has been building up a stake in eBay (market cap: $46B) for some time and is planning to submit an offer this month. Friendly reminder: Ryan Chewy has got to hit a $100B market cap to unlock his $35B comp package…
Where is Roaring Kitty when we need him most?
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> U.S. crude oil exports surge to record as tankers flock to Gulf Coast during Iran war (CNBC) // I hear there’s an open spot in OPEC right now…
> Greg Abel earns solid scorecard from Berkshire shareholders after first annual meeting (CNBC) // Not bad for a rebound…
> US imposes sanctions on three Iranian currency exchanges — accusing them of laundering billions (NY Post) // Step aside, Pete. This is how Scotty B. wages war…
> I mean, I was thinking Elon would buy it, but this could work too…
On Friday, I asked, “What is your personal tech setup?”
50.8% of you said, “Some type of mix (Windows computer + iPhone or Mac computer + Android, etc.).” But honestly, the Apple boyz were close behind…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Some type of mix: “Pour one out for the poor souls who don’t have a little Apple in their life.” Never taken a good phone pic in their lives…
Nothing is Apple: “Apple is literally inferior.” Calm down.
Some type of mix: “iPhone, Apple Watch, and AirPods Pro. No MacBook or Apple car though. I don’t want to be too dependent on the Apple ecosystem.” Maybe the new guy John will finally get us that car…
Nothing is Apple: “Apple slowed down my phone in 2017, then the keyboard started glitching. I had too many single malts and went at them on twitter- they responded by telling my to download a new keyboard. I went to Pixel and haven't gone back. NO RAGRETS!” 2017 crash out still affecting you? Might be time to let it go.
Some type of mix: “iPhone because green bubble eewh! Windows because I still like to keep my files where I want them. iWatch because I need to be interrupted every second of every day with messages I’m going to ignore.” Ah, I see middle America’s official representative chimed in.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
With Spirit out of the game, we're gonna see a lot more road trippers... Tell me: How many hours is too many for a road trip? (Think: at what point are you flying no matter the cost?)
+ US stocks “advanced to record closing highs on Friday, boosted by robust earnings and a dip in crude prices, and turning the page on their biggest monthly percentage gains in years.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield was “little changed Friday after data on U.S. factory activity showed an expansion in April that was slightly below expectations.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “erased gains and turned lower on Friday, after Iran’s state news agency said Tehran had submitted a new proposal to Pakistani mediators. Oil supply disruptions have continued to persist amid an impasse between the U.S. and Iran.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 21% chance the Cuban regime goes down this year. (Polymarket)
⏪ On Friday…
+ Chevron, Exxon Mobil, Moderna, Estee Lauder, Colgate-Palmolive, Linde, Dominion Energy, and LyondellBasell Industries reported before the opening bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Norwegian Cruise Line, Tyson Foods, Hess Midstream Partners, and Twist Bioscience report before the opening bell
+ Palantir, Duolingo, Grab Holdings, Pinterest, ON Semiconductor, Vertex Pharmaceuticals, BWX Technologies, Powell Industries, Sterling Construction, Diamondback Energy, Paramount, Firefly Aerospace, Fabrinet, Vimeo, Transocean, GeneDx, Williams, and Lattice Semiconductor drop earnings after the bell
+ Companies that have an ex-dividend date coming during the week include Blackstone, Citigroup, Texas Instruments, and Energy Transfer
+ IBM's four-day IBM Think will begin
+ The three-day Milken Global Conference gets underway
+ Shareholders with both Devon Energy and Coterra Energy will vote on the pending merger between the companies
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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