Hey there weekday warriors,
Today we’re talking about a Zynflection point in American history. Plus, Match’s new investor.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 17 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ “The Dow Jones Industrial Average surged more than 700 points on Tuesday to secure another all-time closing high. The benchmark S&P 500 also notched another record amid growing conviction an interest rate cut is near.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “retreated on Tuesday, continuing a recent downward trend." (CNBC) Oil “settled more than 1% lower on Tuesday, the third straight day of losses, on worries of a slowing Chinese economy crimping demand, though declines were stemmed by a growing consensus the U.S. Federal Reserve could begin cutting its key interest rate as soon as September.” (Reuters)
+Bitcoin “surged above the $65,000 level for the first time since late June, shrugging off a dip below $63,000 earlier in the day as wallets related to the defunct Mt. Gox exchange's estate moved $2.8 billion worth of BTC, likely preparing to distribute assets to creditors in the coming days.” (CoinDesk)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia-1.6%2) Tesla +1.5%3) Amazon +0.1%
The market moves you need to know about…
– Sucks to Chuck. Charles Schwab’s earnings were mostly in line with expectations, but management warned that the bank was going to get “smaller” by relying more on outside partners. Shares fell10.2% on the day.
+ At one point, Taboola was up more than 18% on news that it had been selected to sell ads on Apple News and Apple’s Stocks app. Taboolaclosed up5.7% on the day.
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Our long national Zynightmare is (almost) over
Source: Giphy
Them: “Manufacturing in America is dead.”
Philip Morris: “Not on my watch.”
Good news for everyone who used to JUUL and pretty much the entire population of Murray Hill: the Zyn shortage has an end date.
Philip Morris knows what to do when it sees an opportunity: pounce. That’s why the cigarette maker is earmarking $600M for a new state-of-the-art facility in Colorado that has one goal: crank out more of those sweet, nicotine-filled lip pillows (read: Zyn).
The House of Zyn, which will undoubtedly become a Mecca for Znythusiasts (read: ex-frat stars who play beer league lacrosse), is expected to go online in 2025 and create 500 jobs in the state.
“But, who cares about the economy?” - a guy named Chad, probably
What really matters is that Philip Morris will be able to meet skyrocketing demand for its smokeless, tobacco-less nicotine pouches. To put in perspective just how popular they’ve become, shipments rose 80% in Q1 vs. the year prior.
The lone US factory has struggled to keep up with demand, leading to what power users have dubbed the “Zyndemic.” Convenience stores and gas stations are running out of Zyns quicker than toilet paper during the pandemic.
Risky proposition
Let’s not forget what happened to JUUL, the last big nicotine craze. Altria spent a sh*t ton of money buying a stake in JUUL. Just a few years later, it essentially wrote off the entire $13B investment following a series of unsavory revelations about its marketing practices (spoiler: it was selling to kids).
Zyn has already faced backlash from the fun police in DC about its compliance with a 2022 law. And has dealt with countless questions and concerns about the product’s health impacts.
+It appears that someone over at Starboard is sick and tired of getting hit with left-swipes…
Starboard Valuetook a 6.6% stake in Match Group (+7.4%), which owns Tinder and Match (duh). And it plans to do what it does best… f*ck sh*t up. As part of its “activism,” it’s looking to cut costs and grow the bottom line, with the goal of turning things around or helping the dating app go private.
Shares jumped on the hopes that the activist will end Match’s dry spell.
+Sure, grandpa, let’s get you back to bed.
Welp that’s a wrap for Bridgewater founder Ray Dalio. He’s officially a card-carrying, Depends-wearing geriatric. He really went on national TV and said “Gold is an effective diversifier, meaning that if you take the classic mix of assets, and you have a particular problem, an optimal portfolio would have something more than about 10% in it.”
In other news, Ray wants you to buy the top. Gold hit a new all-time high yesterday.
+ “They not like us, they not like us, they not like us.” - Kendrick Lamar Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan
Bank of America (+5.3%) demonstrated to other banks why it alone deserves to bear the name of this great nation. The bank posted a top and bottom line beat.
But more importantly, it indicated that its net interest income would rebound in the back half of the year. Friendly reminder: competitors like Wells Fargo said that they face headwinds in that category.
+The salary you need to be in the top 1% in every U.S. state.Why do I have to live in the hedge fund capital of the US?
+‘Using Your Retirement Account as an Emergency ATM Just Got Easier.Do 7-game parlays count as an ‘emergency?’ Asking for a friend…
+The salary needed to afford a home has more than doubled since before the pandemic—see how your city is faring. What’s that? Your salary hasn’t doubled since 2019?
⏪ Yesterday we were keeping an eye on earnings from Bank of America and Charles Schwab. Plus, June retail sales data.
+The European mind cannot comprehend this.US retail sales remain strong. Growth was flat month over month, beating expectations. Pretty much every other category showed strength (except autos, thanks to the massive car dealership cyberattack).
+ Check out details on B of A and Schwab earnings above.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ TSMC, Blackstone, and Dominos report before the bell
+The European Central Bank drops its policy statement
+Netflix announces earnings after the close
Yesterday, I asked, “Is this the worst National Anthem performance EVER?”
Welp, we didn’t have to wait long to find out what was going on with Ingrid. Turns out she was drunk as a skunk (and is going to rehab)… which I don’t buy because I become a much better singer of Creed when drunk.
Here’s today’s question…
Are you a Zyn user?
We should all aspire to Nic Cage’s morning routine (Twitter)
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.