Here’s what we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 18 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

PS, want to get smarter about residential real estate investing? You'll love The Pocket List, a brand-new newsletter I’ve been working on. It’ll keep you up to date on the industry and help you make more money. Check out last week’s newsletter and subscribe for free with one click (Read & subscribe)

+ US stocks “turned mixed ahead of the final half-hour of trading on Wednesday, with the S&P 500 and Nasdaq Composite searching for a third straight day of advances.” (MarketWatch)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “finished slightly higher on Wednesday, with the benchmark 10-year rate near 2024’s peak levels, as traders focused on the next major inflation update at the end of the week." (MarketWatch)

+ Oil “settled lower Wednesday, as cooling tensions in the Middle East stifled bets on supply disruptions and signs of weaker gasoline demand overshadowed a much larger than expected decline in U.S. crude inventories.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin is having trouble finding its footing post-halving.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla +12.0% 2) Meta -0.5%, -15.1% after hours 3) Nvidia -3.3%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Tesla added to its after-hours gains from Tuesday. Shares ended 12.0% higher on Wednesday. ICYMI, on Tuesday evening, Tesla reported a brutal quarter but shared an accelerated timeline for its more affordable Model 2.

+ HP finished 1.5% higher on news that David Einhorn’s Greenlight Capital has taken a stake in the computer maker. Dave said HP “stands to benefit from AI.”

+ Shares of Hasbro pumped 11.8% after beating the Street’s expectations. The toy makers’ focus on digital gaming and their push to clean up inventory helped offset lower demand for toys.

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Good news if you took all of your money out of Meta stock and invested it in Metaverse real estate…

Meta (-15.3% after hours) stock got throttled after reporting Q1 earnings. It was down 15% in the extended session.

Why though?

Well, it certainly didn’t have anything to do with the current quarter’s results. The social media giant beat on the top and bottom lines.

Revenue rose 27%, which is the most since 2021. But that’s child’s play compared to Meta’s girthy net income expansion. It nearly doubled vs. the same period last year.

Ok, so what went wrong?

Perhaps investors have concerns about Zuck taking his eye off the ball with all of his extracurriculars as of late (think: hanging with UFC fighters, getting in insane shape, and generally completing his transition to a f*ck boy).

Or, you know, maybe it was the disappointing Q2 forecast. Zuck and Meta still expect 18% growth. But that was just shy of analyst consensus.

Turns out, with great power comes great responsibility. The Street has sky-high expectations for Zuck and Meta. So even the slightest miss spooks investors.

Zuckerbot probably didn’t do himself any favors when he kicked off Meta’s earnings call talking about all his projects that just light money on fire. Like AI and the metaverse. Reality Labs lost $3.85B last quarter…

+ *Toby Keith’s “Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue” starts playing…*

Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan just hit the lotto. More than $90B worth of foreign aid will find its way to US allies out there fighting the good fight. Who’s going to tell Uncle Sam that Taiwan technically isn’t at war with China (yet)?

Joey Politics signed into law the foreign aid package hanging over DC like the ghost of George Santos.

Friendly reminder: the law also includes the forced sale of TikTok US operations. That means ByteDance has 365 days to offload the company to a non-foreign adversary.

TikTok said it’s ready to lawyer up.

+ Things you don’t want to hear from your CEO: “Near term, yes, we are in a tough moment.”

Boeing’s (-2.8%) quarter (you know, the quarter that included a near-midair disaster) was absolutely horrendous. It lost $355M in Q1, while revenue fell 8% vs. last year. That’s the first revenue drop in nearly two years.

In Boeing’s defense, its top and bottom lines actually came in better than expected.

But before you get too excited, Moody’s downgraded Boeing’s credit to just one notch above “junk.” And have you learned nothing about getting on Boeing’s wrong side, Moody’s?

+ Men will literally eat Chipotle 5 days a week instead of going to therapy…

After all, who needs therapy when you’ve got double-braised beef barbacoa?

Once again, Chipotle (+3.0% after hours) raised prices. And once again, traffic at the burrito chain increased (+5.4%) for the quarter. It probably shouldn’t come as a surprise that CMG beat on the top and bottom lines and hiked its full-year same-store sales forecast.

+ IBM (-8.4% after hours) just pulled an Elon (read: trying to make investors forget all about a piss-poor quarter with a shiny new toy). Unfortunately, IBM shareholders didn’t fall for it. Despite making its $6.4B acquisition of Hashicorp official, investors punished IBM for its revenue miss.

+ Cybersecurity firm Rubrik said it will sell shares for $32 a piece when it goes public today. That’s above the range they were originally marketed at. At that share price, the company is expected to raise $736M at a $5.6B valuation.

+ Jeff Bezos isn’t a fan of ‘time blocking’—here’s what he does instead to boost his productivity (Read)

+ Flyers may soon get a break over canceled flights — including instant refunds — thanks to new DOT rules (Read)

+ How much Americans in their 40s have in their 401(k)s—and how to boost it (Read)

Yesterday, earnings reports from Meta, IBM, Boeing, Chipotle, and Ford were on my radar. Here’s how they did…

+ Ford (PM) (+0.0%, +2.3 after hours) beat the Street’s expectations, hiked its full-year free cash flow target, and said it would cut CAPEX

+ Check out Meta, IBM, Chipotle & Boeing above…

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ CAT, Altria, Comcast, Barclays, Mobileye, Southwest & American Airlines report this AM

+ Microsoft, Google, Intel, Snap, and T-Mobile report after the close

Yesterday I asked… Are you going to miss non-competes?

76.4% of you won’t… and the rest of you must be hanging on to employees for dear life.

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional