It’s not entirely clear why, but Apple just rolled out an app you probably don’t need.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 16 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Who do you know here?

The company that brought us the iPhone and the Apple Car the see-through iMac that defined the early aughts is bringing the world… invites. That’s right, Apple (+2.1%) (a $3.5T company) is launching a party invitation app.

Apple Invites, which will join the compass in the Island of Misfit Apps folder, allows users to create invites for parties. You know, stuff Stanford grads have been using VC money to build since Al Gore invented the internet.

Party planners will be able to manage guest lists, share photo albums, open up a comment wall (“last night was a movie, bro”), and create shared playlists (which presumably come pre-loaded with that U2 album).

Have no fear, Android users… Apple Invites won’t be the reason you don’t get invited to parties (there are plenty of other reasons for that). Invitees can RSVP online. And even Apple users don’t need the app to take part.

Using the app to throw parties will cost you at least $1 per month. At a minimum, you’ll need an iCloud+ subscription to send invites. Of course, you could just use Facebook Events to remind everyone you’re poor…

But before you throw shade (like I did for the past 5 or so paragraphs)…

This is all part of Apple’s latest get-r*ch-quick scheme. The Apple Cloth maker is going to make shareholders forget about declining iPhone sales with Plan B: services (like this app).

Apple's Services division is currently its second-biggest (behind its overpriced phones). It raked in $25B in the most recent quarter. And the best part? It doesn’t need to pay kids in China to make apps and “extra cloud storage.” The services biz has a 74% gross margin. And that sound you heard was AAPL shareholders making the Tim ‘The Tool Man’ Taylor grunt.

RIP Partiful

Apple's choice to disrupt arguably the only app category that is more crowded than “smart to-do lists” isn’t without collateral damage. Partiful, a startup that does this exact thing, didn’t have Apple putting them in a body bag on their SWOT analysis.

+ Can someone check in on Tidal?

Spotify (+13.2% // AH: -0.2%) just Wrapped its first full year of profitability. Shares mooned after SPOT reported a revenue beat and some huge active user numbers (think: 675M). Spotify set a record of $10B in royalty payments to the music industry in 2024… and I bet Chappell Roan feels stupid now…

Friendly reminder that Universal Music Group (+0.07%) signed a deal with Spotify last month which will open up new paid subscription tiers and bundles for music and non-music content (so, those white noise “podcasts”).

+ Live look at Google getting its teeth kicked in yesterday…

Alphabet (+2.5% // AH: -7.5%) shares got pwned Tuesday after reporting a revenue miss and a p*ss poor performance from B2B services like Google Cloud. So, naturally, CFO Anat Ashkenazi went all “we gotta spend money to make money…” 

Alphabet expects Q1 AI capex (think: building data centers) to land somewhere between $16-$18B. Which is a pretty strong start on the total $75B budget that Google expects to spend in 2025 to support AI and business services. Hopefully, that’ll be enough to replace the marketing team behind that one Olympics ad.

+ Trade Wars II: The People’s Republic Strikes Back

At least we have one worthy trade war adversary. China’s Finance Ministry just 1upped DJT’s 10% tariff with their own 15% tariffs on US coal and LNG imports and 10% higher duties on oil, agricultural machinery, and vehicles. Both Donny Politics and the CCP claim the first round of new tariffs is somewhat ‘symbolic’, but both have threatened escalation. 

Donny Tariffs is playing it cooler than a dude that just scored digits from a Slovenian model… “I’m in no rush” is POTUS’ stance on opening negotiations with Xi Jinping. Do they have ‘Art of the Deal’ in China?

+ Aaand, it’s gone. Robinhood (+1.3%) pulled an Uno reverse card… HOOD will no longer offer events contracts aka sports gambling on the big game thanks to pressure from the CFTC.

+ The JOLTS report indicated job openings dropped in December to 7.6M with layoffs down to 1.7M, meaning we’re all stuck in jobs we hate for now.

+ The only thing that the Oracle of Omaha likes more than open relationships is bargain-basement shares of Sirius (+2.5%). Berkshire Hathaway (+0.6%) now owns 35.4% of the car satellite radio company.

+ Boeing (+0.2%) achieved a new high score with its $523M Starliner loss in 2024, bringing total losses to over $2B on the astronaut-stranding program.

+ Estée Lauder (-16.0%) will cut up to 7k jobs in a new restructuring plan. The company pointed to soft sales in Asia and promised it has nothing to do with management’s incompetence.

+ Snapchat (+3.8%) shares popped after it reported strong earnings and daily active users. S*xting never goes out of style.

+ Waffle House ‘forced’ to add egg surcharge amid bird flu and rising prices.

+ I’ve studied over 200 kids—the highly successful ones have parents who did 9 things early on. Give them a small $1M loan.

+ Get away with 75k bonus points from arguably the greatest travel rewards card of all time. It’s time to make your credit card rewards your entire personality.

🔥 Nearly 1 in 5 eligible taxpayers miss this 'valuable credit' worth thousands, IRS says. Enjoy staying poor.

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

+ US stocks “rallied on Tuesday, while gold reached new highs as global trade jitters kept investors guessing.” (Reuters)

+ The 10-year yield “slid on Tuesday as traders assessed global trade tensions and awaited more economic data.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices diverged at settlement on Tuesday amid tariff drama between Washington and Beijing, and after U.S. President Donald Trump restored his "maximum pressure" campaign on Iran, in a bid to drive Iranian oil exports to zero, per a U.S. official.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “sold off late in the day, tumbling below $97,000.” (CoinDesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Advanced Micro Devices +4.5% 2) Nvidia +1.7% 3) Palantir +23.9% // AH: -0.9%

⏪ Yesterday, PayPal, Spotify, Pfizer, Ferrari, Pepsi, Merck, Estée Lauder, UBS, KKR, Cummins, Marathon Petroleum, and Apollo Global reported before the bell, and Google, AMD, Chipotle, Snap, Enphase, FICO, EA, Mondelez, Amgen, Lumen and Simon Property Group reported after hours.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Toyota, T Rowe Price, Fiserv, Emerson, Boston Scientific, Michael Kors, GSK, Stanley Black & Decker, and Illinois Tool Works report before the bell

+ Qualcomm, Arm Holdings, MicroStrategy, Ford, Symbiotic, Viking Therapeutics, Blue Bird, Skyworks Solutions, Aflac, American Superconductor and O'Reilly Automotive report after-hours

Yesterday, I asked, “One stays, one is wiped off the face of the Earth. Who ya got?”

Alcohol won with 72.3% of the votes, leaving weed in the dust.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

And here’s today’s question…

I’ve never been, so…

+ This financial advice will change your life!

🔥 “Dad what did you do during the trade war?”

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.