TOGETHER WITH

That’s right, not a peep about tariffs today. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 16 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

It's only fitting that on the same day Zuck and Meta's $META ( ▼ 2.33% ) dirty laundry is getting aired out, "rumors" began swirling that Sam Altman and OpenAI are about to drop the app that Social Dilemma 2 is going to be about.

Apparently, the success of ChatGPT's viral image generation (and by that, I mean the Ghibli-fication of the internet for like 2 weeks) has Sam thinking a social network could be the future.

Of course, given that there is an internal prototype and the company is putting feelers out there for feedback, this seems to be out of the “ok, hear me out” phase.

And it kinda makes sense...

I mean, Sam already said a few months back that Meta might be forcing his hand…

Friendly reminder: Meta is reportedly launching a standalone AI app... which will also have a social feed (... and probably already has more users than Threads).

Don't think for a second that Sam isn't fiending for access to social feeds to train ChatGPT. Because in 2025 training LLMs with your data is the new targeting ads with your data. Zuck can train whatever the hell Meta's LLM is called with the data of its billions of users. And Elon can train Grok with X, which is part of why he combined X and xAI…

But poor Sam doesn't have a social media fire hose… just a bunch of retina scans from Worldcoin.

Oh and...

Sam has the pedigree. You might recall that in 2014, @sama was CEO of Reddit... for 8 days. Couldn't even make it a Scaramucci.

Ok, so what's the REAL reason Sam is planning to blow billions of investor dollars on the Google+ of the AI era?

One word: Elon (said like Jerry says "Newman")

Making OpenAI social even half as popular as ChatGPT would really grind the gears of Sam's arch-nemesis.

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+ Everyone: “Nobody has fumbled the bag in the AI race quite like Intel.”

HP Enterprise: “Hold my beer.”

Despite playing in the AI infrastructure and enterprise deployment space, HP’s older stepbrother has watched more than 30% of its market cap evaporate in 2025 alone. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the sharks smelled blood.

Yesterday, news dropped that activist fund Elliott Management took a $1.5B stake in the HPE $HPE ( ▲ 1.68% ) with the goal of helping it get its sh*t together (read: extracting as much shareholder value and leaving it for dead). Shares popped more than 5% on the news that Paul Singer has taken the wheel from Jesus.

+ Things you hate to see: that.

Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 0.63% ) shares took their lumps after the company said Uncle Sam told it that it needed a special permit to export its H20 chips to China “for the indefinite future.” The chipmaker expects to take a $5.5B writedown thanks to the decision.

+ Good news, sickos. We’re one step closer to being able to recklessly piss away our retirement nest-egg invest in private equity and credit opportunities via our 401(k)s. Blackstone is teaming up with Vanguard and Wellington to offer private market assets to everyday investors through financial advisors… and what could possibly go wrong? Many see this as the first step toward private equity and credit infiltrating target-date funds and retirement accounts.

+ Words don’t do this move justice, so…

Everyone else is playing checkers, and United Airlines $UAL ( ▲ 1.13% ) is playing chess. During its earnings call, United covered its a** by offering not one but two annual forecasts: 1) the one it had already dropped in January and 2) a new worst-case scenario with a much lower profit figure. Modern problems require modern solutions.

+ Figma (no relation to Ligma) just filed for an IPO… and has anyone shown them ChatGPT’s image generator? You might recall that Canva-but-make-it-harder-to-use was thisss close to getting acquired by Adobe $ADBE ( ▲ 0.48% ) (so they could die a slow AI-induced death together). Of course, Lina Khan and the FTC had other plans.

+ If you ever start to think, “I’m getting a little too reckless with my money,” just remember that Ryan Cohen just pledged $500M to secure a margin loan for GameStop $GME ( ▲ 0.09% ).

+ Once again, I can’t help but wonder, “how is free Wi-Fi on planes for everyone still not a thing?” American $AAL ( ▼ 0.19% ) announced that it is planning to offer free wi-fi… but only to its loyalty members… as if coach wasn’t dehumanizing enough.

+ US stocks “drifted lower Tuesday as investors considered the latest developments on President Trump's tariffs, including a potential auto sector reprieve and a concrete step toward new semiconductor and pharmaceutical duties.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “edged lower on Tuesday, a reprieve amid a period of volatility in the bond market.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices were little changed on Tuesday as investors digested the latest headlines on U.S. President Donald Trump’s on-again, off-again tariffs and tried to figure how much the U.S.-China trade war could reduce global economic growth and oil demand.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Johnson & Johnson, Bank of America, and Citigroup reported before the bell

+ Interactive Brokers Group and United Airlines reported after hours

+ The three-day Salesforce Tableau Conference began

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ ASML, Abbott Laboratories, Progressive, U.S. Bancorp, and PROLOGIS report before the bell

+ Kinder Morgan reports after hours

+ The U.S. Census Bureau will release the March Retail Sales report (ah, so that’s what they do for the other 9.5 years)

Yesterday, I asked, “Which is more financially irresponsible?”

65.9% of you chose Using buy now pay later for a DoorDash order.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.