Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Kendall Roy just made a deal for Fox, Friday is D-Day (the good kind… probably), and SpaceX just can’t stop mooning.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 47 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (think: free and independent) by checking out today’s advertising partner.
PPS… no email on Friday (think: our newest federal holiday, Juneteenth). Catch you on the flipside next week.
We will, we will Roku
The real-life eldest boy came outta nowhere yesterday and locked in a yuge deal.
Fox Corp. $FOX ( ▼ 15.22% ) announced an agreement to acquire Roku $ROKU ( ▼ 1.92% ) for $22B yesterday, and I swear to God, if they try to gentrify Roku City…
The makers of the smart TV OS you sign into and forget to sign out of at every Airbnb you’ve ever stayed at will get snapped up for $160 per share in a cash-and-stock deal.
For those too young to remember, Fox used to be a big swingin’ network… before Disney $DIS ( ▲ 1.65% ) picked all the meat off its bones (read: bought up $71B worth of Fox’s IP and entertainment business) back in 2019, when Covid was just a twinkle in a Wuhan lab tech’s eye…
From then til now, Murdoch and Co. haven’t done much of anything other than acquiring Tubi for a cool $440M in 2020…
And broadcasting the World Cup games that your beta-male friends have been watching over the last couple of days.
The Pizza Hut-Taco Bell-KFC of the streaming game (aka Fokubi) will become the third-largest US TV network by viewership, which, way to get on the podium at least.
Fox's share price fell off a cliff on the news (think: -15% on the day). Roku stonk fell slightly yesterday but gained bigly (+20%) on Friday when rumors started swirling.
David Ellison watching this go down waiting for his shot like…
Hold up, weekday warriors… obviously, all anyone’s gonna be yapping about for the foreseeable future is SpaceX.
That’s why I went ahead and did the entire TWC crew a solid. I (literally) called up our friends at REX Shares and got the scoop on their latest ETF. You’re gonna want to look into this…
REX Shares: The Largest IPO in History Is Now Tradeable. At 2X.
You guys, it finally happened…
After more than two decades as a private company, Space Exploration Technologies Corp. (Nasdaq: SPCX) went public in the largest IPO in history. Perhaps you heard about it?
We’re talking about reusable rockets, Starlink, xAI… and probably Mars someday. For the first time, plebs like you and me can get our hands on SPCX.
And for all the active traders (looking at you, TWC readers)…
Meet SPAX, the T-REX 2X Long SpaceX Daily Target ETF, now trading on NYSE Arca. One ticker, 200% of SpaceX's daily move.
SPAX is part of the T-REX lineup. You can get daily 2X long and inverse exposure across 40+ tickers, brought to you by REX Shares and Tuttle Capital Management.
🛑 Friendly reminder: our advertising partners help us keep the lights on around here, so do me a solid and check out SPAX.
+ “You make a deal, you gotta live up to it.” - Dominic Toretto JD Vance
In case you weren’t watching your portfolio moon yesterday (we don’t have much in common, huh?), our long national nightmare is scheduled to end Friday.
Donny Diplomacy has agreed to a preliminary deal to end the Iran War and reopen the Strait of Hormuz. Per our replacement-VP (post-Elon) JD Vance, we’re going to have a deal signed Friday in Geneva with Iranian foreign minister Abbas Araghchi, though there are “a lot” of details that still need to be locked in…
So in other words, we’ll be free at last on Friday. Wait *double checks Friday’s date* scratch that.
+ The Big Elong
Markets got a fever, and the only prescription is more SpaceX $SPCX ( ▲ 19.6% ). The $SEX SPCX underwriters went all greenshoe mode yesterday and exercised their overallotment of shares, bringing Elon’s IPO to $85.7B raised.
Bears were bent over and shown the 50 states after Phony Stark’s stonk kept doing what stonks do (read: only go up). Shares jumped (another) 19% yesterday.
+ White House Smackdown (Part II)
Anthropic staffers are swarming DC like White Monster-guzzling, Tap-Out-wearing UFC fans to work through WHOTUS’s crackdown on its new, terrifying Mythos and Fable LLMs.
ICYMI, on Friday, the White House b*tch slapped new export controls on Claude after a buncha nerds over at Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 3.13% ) jailbroke Fable and convinced it to compromise national security sans mistakes, which, shouldn’t they be the ones in trouble then?
Dario and Co. are working with the Commerce Dept. on a solution to get the Terminator back online as soon as possible. Thanks, I think?
> Nvidia Set to Sell $25 Billion of Bonds, Joining AI Debt Boom // *Money debt printer go brrrr*
> Toxic mix of chaos and drudgery turns Meta’s AI unit into a real-world hell: ‘Soul-crushing’ // So pretty much exactly what you think working at Meta is like.
> Electronic Arts launches EA Advertising, a new way for brands to advertise ‘directly into gameplay’ // “Oh this is gonna go poorly.” - anyone who’s ever watched 2 seconds of a streamer playing a video game…
> KFC leans into boneless chicken, new drinks as chain tries to regain market share // Chicken tenders have officially thrown off the shackles of the kids menu.
> (Sunday) Charlie Javice reportedly seeking a pardon from Trump // The only thing she’s guilty of is faking it til she makes it.
> (Friday) DOJ signs off on $111B Paramount takeover of Warner Bros. Discovery // Nobody had a better weekend than our nation’s top nepo baby Davey Ellison (except maybe Justin Gaethje stans).
On Friday, I asked, “What's your first FUN purchase with a new-money windfall?”
29.1% of you said, “House.” Way to dream big…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Dream vacation: “Does going into space with Shakira and Kelly Ripa count as a vacation?” To quote a great man, “Two chicks at the same time, man.”
Boat: “Technically a jet ski. I've never seen someone on a jet ski not having a great effing time.” Kenny Powers, that you?
Car: “A Ferrari Luce (lol jk, could you imagine?!?!). I'd probably do something like get a burger from In-and-Out to prove I'm still a man of the people and then everyone would be like "how'd you get In-and-Out in Manhattan?" and the subtlety of the flex would inspire Iran to open the Straight or whatever.” Unbelievable flex.
Dream vacation: “You're telling me people would rather go through the annoying process of looking for, bidding on, and buying (let alone moving) over a Mediterranean adventure, seeing sights and having someone else plan most of it for you?? C'mon.” Surprised me too.
House: “But with enough land/water separation that I wouldn’t have to see other people.” Bro wants a moat.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
First, consider this old Tweet…
Then tell me…
What company should Elon take over next and why? (write-ins super welcome, I'm only dropping a few yuge market cap options)
Hey bud, do you know anyone who might be interested in advertising with The Water Coolest?
Just hit ‘reply’ to talk to us about what it’d be like to get your company some love from the greatest group of all time (spoiler: the TWC audience).
+ US stocks jumped Friday (S&P 500: +0.5%) and mooned Monday (S&P 500: +1.7%) because Iran is so over (we think).
🟢 (Sunday) SoftBank surges more than 10% as Iran-U.S. deal sends Asia tech stocks soaring // Masa Son has gotta be tired of all this winning.
+ The 10-year yield edged higher Friday and slid Monday as the Fed may have some more thinking to do now that the war’s almost over.
+ Oil prices fell bigly on Friday and proceeded to hit a 3-month low on Monday for obvious reasons.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s an 84% chance Claude Fable 5 comes back for US customers by the end of the month. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
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