Hey there weekday warrior,
Before we get to the main course, let’s have a chat…
A few weeks ago, we mentioned that we're working on some new stuff at TWC HQ.
One initiative is growing our newsletter studio, which allows us to keep fighting the good fight (think: the fight against missionary biz and markets content).
"So what does that have to do with me?" - you, probably
We're making a push to work with a handful of new newsletter clients in the finance and fintech space (think: brands looking to connect with their audience with a newsletter).
And, turns out, a ton of you work in finance... and pretty much all of you know someone who works in finance.
My ask?
If you know someone in finance or fintech who works in content, marketing, or is generally a big swingin' d*ck, I'd love to talk to them about building a newsletter that grows their biz.
And since I know you're not willing to do it out of the kindness of your heart, here's what I'll do...
If you make an intro that leads to a call with a potential client, I'll Venmo you $100.
If we land a client because of your intro, I'll send you $1k (yes, seriously).
You can reply to this email if you want to hop on and chat, or feel free to forward it to the person you've got in mind (CC me: [email protected]).
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 40 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS… thanks in advance for doing your part in helping keep TWC like the Fed (free and independent).
PPS… For real... $100 just for getting me on a call. Venmo, Zelle, carrier pigeon with cash. Your pick. But no Cash App… I have standards.
Unprecedented times
“No one could have seen this coming.” - Nobody
You think you’re having a bad week? I promise it has not been as bad as Michael Saylor’s…
ICYMI Bitcoin $BTC ( ▼ 0.27% ) is trading near a four-month low after a brand-new selloff, and absolutely no one is buying the dip.
That includes Iron Mike himself. You see, the company formerly known as Microstrategy $MSTR ( ▲ 2.23% ) is having all sorts of trouble raising funds to buy more sh*tcoin.
How bad have things gotten?
Well, earlier this week, Paper Hands Saylor actually sold 32 bitcoins for $2.5M. That’s MicroStrategy’s first sale in 4 years. That’s a BFD considering the HODLing company only has two mandates: 1) buy bitcoin 2) never sell bitcoin… ever.
It’s not too late to pivot to AI…
“So, where’s all that capital going?” - you, able to do basic math because you learned it pre-Common Core
Did I mention stonks have been absolutely ripping? Because they have.
A new report dropped yesterday that showed a record 1/3 of all US household wealth ($67.7T) is now riding on equities…
For context, during the 2021 memestonk/SPAC days, equities topped out at 30% (the remaining 70% was presumably in NFTs).
+ The thin, red line
Lululemon $LULU ( ▼ 0.88% ) delivered a top and (see-thru) bottom line earnings beat after markets closed yesterday, but, full transparency, the worst is yet to come…
The OG leggings-maker lowered its full-year guidance and dropped a weak outlook for the year and current quarter.
Per interim CEO Meghan Frank, “We have assessed the business and are taking additional actions to reposition where needed and further strengthen our product engine. We remain confident in our path forward.”
But markets saw right through that…
Share price tanked over 10% after hours. Friendly reminder: new CEO Heidi O’Neill (think: Nike exec) is on her way, which is good news since this interim leadership has been stretched thin dealing with a proxy battle.
+ Investors: “Can you give us our money back?”
Blackstone:
Blackstone $BX ( ▲ 7.5% ) announced yesterday that it would be restricting withdrawals from its BCRED (read: private credit) fund. Turns out B-Stone’s investor redemption requests hit a record 7.9% ($3.8B) in Q1.
+ “Jamie, pull those jobs reports up.”
Yuge week for fans of rock-hard economic jobs data. First, Tuesday’s JOLTS report showed available jobs for April at 7.6M, up over 700k from March, because math. For those keeping score at home (read: no one), that’s the highest it’s been since May of 2024.
Thing is, the hiring rate actually slipped, with only 5.1M workers finding gainful employment…
Then on Wednesday, we got a first look at May’s numbers from the jobs-report-we-have-at-home aka ADP. Looks like companies added 122k new workers in May (friendly: that’s up bigly vs. April’s anemic figures).
Anyway, all eyes on government nonfarm payroll data for May, coming later this morning…
> SpaceX sets $135 price for blockbuster IPO, upending Wall Street convention // You gotta pump those numbers up…
> Ramp Notches $44 Billion Valuation in New Funding Round // Live look at investors waiting for Ramp to go public.
> Deadly Screwworm Parasite Found in US Threatens Cattle Herd // Where’d I leave my tinfoil hat?
> (Wednesday) Uber Cuts 23% of People Division as New President Takes Over // You know what? I’m about to say it… I don’t care that HR’s days are numbered.
> (Wednesday) Amazon overthrows Walmart to become Fortune 500’s top company — ending superstore’s 13-year reign at the top // End of a d*mn era.
> (Tuesday) Activist short seller Andrew Left convicted of securities fraud, sending shock waves through Wall Street // I thought 1st Amendment protected sh*t talking?
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Some of the top credit card experts identified one of their favorites that puts interest on ice until nearly 2027 AND offers up to 5% cash back on qualifying purchases. Talk about the best of both worlds!
On Tuesday, I asked, “Who's got the best chicken sandwich in the game right now?”
58.2% of you said, “Chick-fil-A.” And this time, it wasn’t even f*cking close. Landslide.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Popeyes: “Just like Little Nicky said ‘Popeyes chicken is the shiznit.’” Gonna get shiznit back in my fake swear rotation.
Chick-fil-A: “Protest all you want, haters. Chick-fil-A will always be the winner.” Not if Chris “Tiny Bite” Kempczinski has anything to say about it.
Dave’s: “Of course CFA is at the top. Smh. It’s not even good though! Some bland chicken.” Them are fighting words.
Wendy’s: “Wendy’s spicy chicken is #1 from day one.” Shoutout to the few Wendy’s write-ins, but… you guys were wayyy behind.
Chick-fil-A: “I'm allowed to vote for them because I'm gay.” Immediately remembered this song.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Where does the TWC hivemind stand on BTC these days?
+ US stocks rose Tuesday (S&P 500: +0.1%) but fell Wednesday (S&P 500: -0.7%) as Middle East tensions jumped. By Thursday, stonks were back on their bullsh*t (S&P 500: +0.4%) (although the Nasdaq did slip a bit…). Is this the end of tech stonks? (Spoiler: no.)
🔴 (Wednesday) AG’s antitrust probe decimates Compass stock price by nearly 13% // AG’s office is the new Shortseller Enrichment Commission.
🟢 (Tuesday) Ulta shares pop as beauty retailer beats Wall Street expectations and hikes earnings outlook
🟢 (Tuesday) Victoria’s Secret stock surges as it brings sexy back — after doomed attempt to go woke // If only ‘go woke’ rhymed with something clever about losing money…
+ The 10-year yield eased on Tuesday but jumped back up Wednesday on surging oil prices. Things settled down Thursday on renewed Iran peace hopes.
+ Oil prices rose on Tuesday and Wednesday but recovered some Thursday as Iran negotiations turned positive again… No one knows what’s happening.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s an 84% chance we get more declassified UFO files this month. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
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This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.