Here’s what’s on tap today… Donny Diplomacy does not appreciate NATO’s disappearing act, Disney and Microsoft are shaking up leadership, and Tim Cook is not f*cking leaving.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 36 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Unholy alliance
Spoiler: Oil is (still) expensive
And right along with it, gas prices are going all Fat Joe & Remy Ma (read: “All The Way Up”).
Crude oil jumped another 3% yesterday, and diesel hit $5 per gallon…
Which, where’s Trevor Milton and Nikola when the long haul trucking industry needs them most…
Meanwhile, Donny Diplomacy went off on NATO countries for not helping secure the Hormuz Strait.
Per Truth Social’s #1 user, “We no longer ‘need,’ or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID!”
But this whole war thing is almost over, right?
Turns out, nope. Yesterday, Iran launched some phresh drone attacks on the UAE’s Shah gas field and Fujairah Oil Industry Zone. Oh, and hit another tanker in the Strait.
Oil prices jumped on the news, which, duh.
Anyway, right along with diesel, missionary gas is up $0.80 vs. last month, to a cool $3.80 per gallon…
And the internet is truly doing its best to monitor springsolve the situation.
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In case you missed the end of an era news… Bob Iger’s days in the Disney $DIS ( ▲ 1.66% ) CEO seat are numbered (again). And now it looks like Dana Walden is consolidating power before the new boss, Josh D’Amaro, takes the chair.
Friendly reminder that Dana was once the favorite to take over the House of Mouse, but instead received the consolation prize as “Chief Creative Officer.” Dana’s first move: consolidate all content ops into a single division under her leadership. Baller move before the new head honcho steps in…
+ Apple & Meta: *gives up on AI*
Microsoft: “No hesitation, no surrender, no man left behind.”
Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 0.14% ) is doing some corporate Spring cleaning to save Copilot from abject failure total mediocrity. AI exec Mustafa Suleyman will be in the hot seat to deliver new enterprise models for Microsoft, while former Snap $SNAP ( ▼ 0.64% ) exec Jacob Andreou will handle the “consumer and commercial Copilot experience” (think: appeasing the current useless Copilot customers).
Friendly reminder that Copilot only pulled in 6M DAUs in February, compared to ChatGPT’s 440M… so in other words, there’s room to grow…
+ Timmy didn’t hear no bell…
In yet another move that screams boomer, Tim Cook went on Good Morning America to talk retirement. And the Chief Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 0.56% ) Officer went all “I’m not f*cking leaving.”
Despite essentially admitting defeat and handing over AI to Google $GOOG ( ▲ 1.64% ), Tim Apple says he “can’t imagine life without Apple.” And somewhere the Apple version of Tom Wambsgans is punching drywall rn. Still, the big brains at Polymarket think there’s a 33% chance he’s out this year…
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> Arizona Charges Kalshi With Illegal Gambling Operation (Bloomberg) // To which, may I say…
> Lululemon reports weak guidance as proxy battle, tariffs weigh on bottom line (CNBC) // If upper-middle-class white women can’t save the US economy, who can?
> Here’s the eye-popping payout Warner Bros. CEO David Zaslav could reap from Paramount merger (NY Post) // Spoiler: $800M.
> Chart go up…
Yesterday, I asked, “Would you ever be seen working out on a Peloton bike?”
43.9% of you said, “Maybe... if I didn't have other great options.” Spoken like a true moderate crowd.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Never. I would prefer to…: “Ride my cheaper stationary bike while watching TV, not some fitness clown yelling at me to go ‘faster’…” The old ways will never die.
Never. I would prefer to…: “Golf and perv stare at beer cart girls." 2 things: 1. they’re paid to pretend they like you, but they don’t. 2. BONK.
Of course. I do it all the time because it’s great: “A Peloton class from my guy Denis Morton has never not hit." Did not realize there were male instructors… self BONK.
Never. I would prefer to…: “I lift weights in my garage like a man. A depressed man going through a midlife crisis but a man." Ever seen a little movie called American Beauty?
Maybe… if I didn’t have other great options: “Wife bought one during Covid but like all home workout equipment it just sits in the corner collecting dust. Had a few good years run with it though.” It happens to the best of us.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
I'm assuming you're all aware of Kalshi's $1B prize for a perfect NCAA bracket. How many total brackets do you fill out every year?
+ US stocks “rose, and bond yields and the dollar slipped on Tuesday, as investors shrugged off a rebound in oil prices that lifted Brent crude back above $100 a barrel, and turned their attention to the Federal Reserve's interest rate decision on Wednesday.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “edged lower Tuesday as investors weighed escalating tensions in the Middle East and rising oil prices ahead of the Federal Reserve’s policy decision.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “gained on Tuesday, with losses in the previous session proving to be a brief respite amid a sustained spike sparked by the U.S.-Israel war on Iran.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks Duke has the highest chance (20%) to win the 2026 NCAA Tournament. And I think I speak for everyone when I say ‘duck Fuke’.(Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Medical Properties Trust and Tencent Music reported before the bell
+ Oklo, Lululemon, DocuSign, and Clearpoint Neuro reported after the bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ General Mills, Macy's, Jabil Circuit, Williams-Sonoma, One Stop Systems, and SailPoint report before the bell
+ Micron Technology, Red Cat, Dlocal, and Five Below report after the bell
+ The February Producer Price Index report will be released
+ The Federal Reserve will announce its interest rate decision and we’ll hear from J-Poww
Oh, and one more thing…
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Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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