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Hey there weekday warrior,
I think I speak for all of us when I say “holy sh*t.”
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 34 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks rose “on Wednesday, with all three major indexes hitting new record closes, as investors digested Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell's comments that US economy is in ‘remarkably good shape.’” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “dipped on Wednesday after newly released data showed that the economy may be slowing.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “fell nearly 2% on Wednesday as investors awaited an imminent OPEC+ decision on production cuts, while a larger-than-expected draw in U.S. crude stockpiles last week lent some support to prices.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “erased a portion of its losses on Wednesday afternoon on news that U.S. president-elect Donald Trump is planning to name Paul Atkins as new SEC Chair.” (Investing)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +3.4% 2) Archer Aviation +3.1% 3) MicroStrategy +8.7%
The market moves you need to know about…
+ Bad news for the “dOllAr SToREs ArE dEAd” crowd… Five Below isn’t just alive, it’s living its best life. Shares soared 14.5% after hours. The dollar(ish) store announced an easy top and bottom line beat and named a new CEO.
– There’s a reason LFO sang about girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch… and not American Eagle. Shares of American Eagle fell 12.6% after hours following a pretty brutal earnings report (that’s being generous). The retailer beat on the top line but missed on earnings. That was the good news. The stock crumbled after AE slashed guidance for the full year and said it expects a weak holiday szn.
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True crime
Who was Brian Thompson, the UnitedHealthcare CEO fatally shot outside NYC hotel in targeted attack? trib.al/l2gEMJ7
— #New York Post (#@nypost)
6:07 PM • Dec 4, 2024
Just when you thought, “2024 couldn’t possibly get any more strange”…
Brian Thompson, the CEO of United Healthcare (+0.9%… you guys are savages), was assassinated at ~6:45 AM in midtown Manhattan yesterday. For those of you who can stomach it, I’ll just leave this right here.
According to police, the murder appeared to be targeted. Which… duh. This was a hit straight out of a movie. The killer used a silencer, seemed to know exactly when Thompson would be arriving for the company’s investor day meeting, and fled pretty calmly on foot. He’s still at large.
There are still a lot of unknowns, namely… why the f*ck did someone execute a health insurance executive?
What we do know…
2024 has been pretty rocky for UHC and some of its execs (including Brian). Brian and other United Healthcare leaders were facing insider trading allegations after they sold a bunch of stock just before news of a DOJ investigation dropped.
And, you might recall, United exposed the personal data of nearly 1/3 of Americans thanks to a ransomware attack.
In a brief statement, Thompson’s wife indicated that there had been threats against her husband, but didn’t elaborate.
More to come.
+ I think we can all agree it’s better that Charlie Munger isn’t here to see this…
Last night, Bitcoin crossed the $100k threshold, and unfortunately for a publication built on insults and takedowns, it just got a whole lot harder to throw shade at the crypto mouth breathers (ok, I’m done…).
At the time of this writing, late Wednesday (EST), Satoshi’s sh*tcoin was closer to $104k.
And investors have Donnie Politics to thank. The second most pro-crypto President on God’s green earth nominated Paul Atkins to run the SEC. Spoiler: Paul has a soft-spot/hard-on for crypto…
+ Speaking of Paul Atkins…
If the name sounds familiar, that’s because Atkins has already been on the Commission, serving as an SEC commish from ‘02-’08 (*checks calendar… and realizes he was steering the ship in the lead-up to the financial crisis*). I’ll spare you the Google search… that was Dubya’s administration *skyscrapers shudder*.
Not unlike your mom in college, Paul is down to play fast and loose. Maybe even be a little reckless. He isn’t just open-minded about crypto but is also seen as a pro-deregulation pick (see: 2008 financial crisis).
Robinhood (+3.5%) CEO Vlad Tenev claims that the brokerage is interested in pursuing a future in sports betting. Probably because the Venn Diagram of day traders and online sports gambling addicts is almost a perfect circle at this point.
The initial comments were somewhat vague on how exactly Robinhood would become (even more of) a bookie. But it sounds like Vlad will allow sports bettors to gamble on outcomes via “event contracts.” You might recall that this type of “betting” took the nation by storm during the Kamala-Donnie matchup.
Penn, DraftKings, and Flutter all fell on the day.
+ OpenAI and defense contractor Anduril announced a partnership, and what’s the worst that could happen?
+ Tough day to be Alex Cooper’s husband. He had to kiss the Call Her Daddy host goodbye and know she was going to be in the green room at the NYT’s DealBook Summit with Fed Chair Jerome Powell…
In addition to whatever game he spit, J-Poww indicated that the “US economy is in very good shape, and there’s no reason for that not to continue.” Translation? The Fed isn't in a rush to slash rates…
+ Snoop Dogg gave his daughter $1 million for her wedding—here’s what he’d do with the money. Dude, we get it, you like weed.
+ More employers add 401(k) plan match for workers paying student loans. All the employers not adding 401(k) matches for employees with student loans: “That’s what the money is for!”
🔥 I retired at 30 with $540,000 in the bank and ‘I don’t have any regrets’—3 moves that helped me get there. Curious which bridge you live under. Would really like to tell you how dumb you are in person…
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday, Chewy, RBC, Dollar Tree, and Foot Locker reported before the bell. And Synopsis, SentinelOne, and ChargePoint dropped earnings after the close.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Kroger and Dollar General drop earnings before the close
+ Lululemon, Ulta, DocuSign, Gitlab, UiPath, Asana, and HP Enterprise report after hours
Yesterday, I asked, “What was your go-to (cheap) vodka in college?”
Smirnoff
Popov
Burnett's
Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
“Bankers club 100 proof. Philly college staple. https://www.phillyvoice.com/ode-bankers-club-best-vodka/ -KAV.” Checks out… Asher Roth mentions it in ‘I love college’
“Rubinof, where my Boston peeps at! Mr. Boston 100 proof when we really wanted to cause a scene”
“New Amsterdam - same price as smirnoff but with no burn. Still drink it 12 years later.”
“SKOLLLLL” Sir, that is smokeless tobacco.
"Fleischmann's - it's the Dasani of vodka, right down to the plastic bottle."
And here’s today’s question…
It’s Christmas party season. Got me thinking…
Should spouses be invited to company Christmas parties?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.