Here’s what we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 32 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

PS, Secure the Bag is back today… so you guys can stop sending death threats.

+ All three major US stock indices “finished at their highest closing levels ever for the first time in more than two years on Wednesday after Federal Reserve officials reiterated the prospect of three 2024 rate cuts.” (MarketWatch)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “dipped on Wednesday as investors parsed the Federal Reserve’s latest interest rate decision and its plan to ease three times before the end of the year." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “fell on Wednesday as the U.S. Federal Reserve held interest rate steady and demand concerns continue to weigh.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin didn’t make any major moves after “the U.S. Federal Reserve announced its decision to keep interest rates still. It's down by 12% this week, though.” (Decrypto)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Digital World Acquisition Corp. +17.7% 2) Nvidia +1.0% 3) Micron +1.0% AH: +16.6%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Micron didn’t just beat earnings expectations, it crushed them. Shares rose 18.1% after hours. In addition to the beat, Micron indicated that its future was bright thanks to AI.

– Data center REIT Equinix fell 2.3%, which is a godd*mn miracle considering the company is Hindenburg Research’s latest victim. The short seller claims Equinix has been cooking its books to look more profitable and is “selling an AI pipe dream.”

+ Broadcom jumped 3.5% after unveiling new AI infrastructure during a special investor meeting.

An IPO pricing at the top of its range in 2024… what’s the worst that could happen?

According to people familiar with the matter (so, overworked junior bankers staffed on the deal…) Reddit is pricing its shares at $34. That’s the top of the projected range.

The last of the OG social media apps will begin trading under the ticker RDDT tomorrow.

r/disappointment

Despite bankers doing their job and convincing investors to buy shares at $34, Reddit will IPO at just a $6.5B valuation.

You see, Reddit is getting the down-round treatment. It most recently raised money at a $10B valuation back in 2021…

WTF happened?

It’s not just inflation and high-interest rates that have rained on Reddit’s parade. There are some real concerns about the company’s business model. Despite a 20% increase in revenue in 2023, the 19-year-old company only brought in $804M and lost nearly $100M. For comparison, Snap managed to make $4.6B last year…

Then, of course, there is the wildcard: its users. Reddit warned in its prospectus that those mouth breathers on Wall Street Bets could cause stock price volatility.

Not to mention, last year, the site was rocked by a major user protest after the company proposed changes to its API that would have lined Reddit’s pockets… but made many users’ experience suck a whole lot more.

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+ The Fed hasn't touched interest rates since July, but they're still moving. What that looks like for credit cards, mortgages, and savings accounts (Read)

+ ‘Shark Tank’ star Kevin O’Leary ‘forbids’ couples from merging their finances — here’s why (Read)

+ Why posting on the site feels so embarrassing — and how to overcome the cringe factor (Read)

+ “I am shocked”… said literally no one after reading the Fed’s latest post-FOMC statement.

There weren’t any major surprises in the Fed’s press release. Rates will stay high and J-Poww will keep an eye on the economy. Yawn.

Investors didn’t hate what they saw in the Fed’s dot plot, though. The FOMC indicated via its chart, which could probably just be a sentence if we’re being totally honest, that it thinks we’ll still get three rate cuts this year. That’s in line with what markets were pricing in… and what investors were hoping for.

There were concerns the Fed could have gone rogue, overreacted to recent inflation data, and said it was only cutting 2x.

Speaking of inflation data… Powell addressed the elephant in the room during his press conference. J-Poww had this to say about inflation data coming in hotter than expected in January and February: “We’re not going to overreact to these two months of data, nor are we going to ignore them.”

He also promised that strong jobs data won’t kill any hope of rate cuts.

+ If President Biden were a rapper, Intel would, apparently, be his favorite stripper. Because POTUS just made it rain on the US chipmaker. INTC will get its hands on $8.5B in direct funding by way of the CHIPS Act. The Pat Gelsinger-led company is also reportedly eligible for $11B in loans under the program.

You might recall that the Creating Helpful Incentives to Produce Semiconductors Act made its way through the halls of Congress to the President’s desk back in 2022. Its goal? Rid the US of its dependence on China for semiconductors. *USA chant breaks out*

+ Apollo from the clouds…

The PE shop with a few hundred billion dollars of dry powder burning a hole in its pocket has made an $11B offer for Paramount Global’s film and TV studio. You’re not going to believe this, but PARA stock mooned on the news that it had another suitor. Friendly reminder: Skydance has already made an offer for ALL of Paramount.

+ Good news, Reddit investors… a major tech IPO just went very, very well. AI chipmaker Astera Labs made its debut on the Nasdaq Wednesday and proceeded to rocket 72% higher. It could be a sign the IPO market is back… or, of course, it could just be a friendly reminder that AI stonks are wildly overvalued.

Fun fact: through numerous deals and partnerships over the years, Amazon is currently sitting on warrants that would allow it to buy up to 2.3M Astera shares. Some guys have all the luck.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Nike, FedEx, Accenture, Lululemon, and Darden Restaurants report

+ Reddit will start trading… and members of WallStreetBets could make the company immediately regret its decision

Yesterday, I asked, “If you could get something from one of Elon's companies for FREE (not cash), what would it be?”

My mind was blown by the #1 choice…

A surprisingly large amount of you guys were down to install a Neuralink…

Here’s today’s question…

In honor of Reddit’s IPO…

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional