TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… Donny Politics just ruined every landlord’s day, Dr. ChatGPT wants your medical records, and Ryan Cohen needs to read Grant Cardone’s 10X book.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 22 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Tip your (corporate) landlord
This isn’t a Blackstone house… it’s a Blackstone home.
Donny Real Estate just emptied the clip on institutional real estate investors.
Yesterday, #47 announced (on Truth Social, where else?) that his administration will work to ban institutional investors from buying single-family homes.
The post was a classic Trump teaser for his upcoming speech at the WEF in Davos… at which point a coherent plan might start to emerge. Friendly reminder: Congress will need to be involved at some point in order to trade on insider information legislate the change.
Still, the threat of pricing out single moms sent institutional investor shares spiralling. Invitation Homes $INVH ( ▲ 0.87% ), Blackstone $BX ( ▲ 1.11% ), Apollo Global Management $APO ( ▲ 1.32% ), and BlackRock $BLK ( ▲ 1.19% ) all got rekt.
But will it help those 40-year-old virgins renters finally afford a home?
Couldn’t hurt…
Friendly reminder that the national median existing single-family home price (that’s a mouthful) was $426,800 as of Q3 2025. And the average 30-year mortgage rate is currently at 6.19%...
Then again, assuming the laws of supply/demand exist, home values might see an itsy-bitsy little gully first.
ChatGPT, what happened the last time a housing bubble burst?
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+ Dr. ChatGPT be like…
OpenAI just announced its newest product, which… were you guys not already doing this? ChatGPT Health is on its way to displace the need to ever wait in a waiting room again. Dr. Sam Altman will soon be able to analyze users’ medical test results, give guidance on diet and exercise, and sync with wearable devices.
Per OpenAI, over 200M people are already asking ChatGPT health questions each week… like “Is this genital warts or a pimple?” Now, users will be able to share their electronic medical records with their robot doc. *HIPAA lawyers just went from six to midnight*
+ To the moon…
GameStop $GME ( ▲ 0.61% ) revealed a new compensation package for CEO Ryan Cohen worth, get this, about $35B. And if you’re thinking: “WTF?”… you’re correct.
But there’s a catch.
To unlock the full comp package, GME would need to crush a turnaround to raise its market value by 10X and boost profits. Friendly reminder that GameStonk’s annual revenue is down over 35% since 2022, and its share price is down 80% from the memestock high in 2021.
If Ryan wants anything more than store credit, he’d need to grow GameStop’s market cap to $100B. At its ATH, the company broke $34B…
Roaring Kitty, wya?
The food pyramid is dead, long live the food pyramid. America’s ripped daddy, aka RFK Jr, just shared the US’s new nutrition guidelines. The headline: carbs are out, protein is in. The HHS Secretary wants everyone eating steaks and full-fat dairy, and crushing pull-ups.
“Healthy fats” have also been added to the pyramid, including the Steak ‘n Shake beef tallow fries. In other mind-blowing news, white bread, chips, and candy are officially bad for you now.
How much did Costco pay to get its rotisserie chicken front and center on the new pyramid?
+ Anthropic is opening a $10B funding round at a $350B valuation, led by Coatue and the Singapore sovereign wealth fund. Wait, Anthropic is still trying?
For comparison, xAI just closed its latest round of $20B, but only at a $230B valuation. Which surely doesn’t bother Elon…
> JPMorgan Chase Reaches Deal to Take Over Apple Credit Card (WSJ) // Jamie Dimon getting DJ D-Sol’s sloppy seconds.
> Avelo Airlines to end ICE deportation charters as it cuts commercial flights, jobs (CNBC) // Spirit be like hold my beer.
> Trump says he will not permit dividends and stock buybacks for defense companies (CNBC) // Extreme Bill Lumbergh voice: "I'm gonna need you to go ahead and manufacture more intercontinental ballistic missiles tomorrow. Oh, oh, and I almost forgot, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and build more Javelin anti-tank missiles."
> One of us…
+ US stocks “pulled back from records on Wednesday ahead of key US labor data, while oil prices fell further after US President Donald Trump said Venezuela would turn over millions of barrels to the United States.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield was “moved lower on Wednesday as investors digested weaker-than-expected ADP jobs data and continued to monitor geopolitical uncertainty.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled lower for a second straight session on Wednesday as investors digested U.S. President Donald Trump’s deal to import up to $2 billion worth of Venezuelan crude, a move that would lift supplies to the world’s largest oil consumer.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 49% chance that Jesus Christ returns before we get GTA VI. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Cal-Maine Foods reported before the bell
+ Applied Digital and Constellation Brands reported after the bell
+ Caterpillar gave a presentation at CES
+ The two-day Bank of America Defense Outlook and Commercial Aerospace Forum got underway
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Aehr and Tilray report after the close
Yesterday, I asked, “Do you or anyone you know own Meta Ray-Bans?”
81.7% of you said, “F*ck no.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Someone I know does: “Never talks about it. No idea why or what he does with it.”
I do: “XMas gift for my wife. She was excited to use them last week. They are collecting dust this week.”
F*ck no: “Nobody wants to see my daily routine of scrolling on my phone, going to the fridge and taking leg numbing dumps.”
Someone I know does: “Our CEO. Sometimes he wears them into an office and has a conversation with someone on else while he's starting at you/he's in your vicinity and it's so awkward”
Here’s today’s question…
What age did you buy your first home?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.