Most people fail to diversify their investments. They invest all their money in intangible assets like stocks and bonds. The solution? Tangible assets like, say, fine whiskey. Discover how this appreciating asset can enhance your investment portfolio with Vinovest.
Hey there weekday warriors,
Just in case there was any doubt, on Friday J-Poww all but guaranteed we’ll be getting a rate cut in September…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “rallied on Friday as dovish remarks from U.S. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell solidified expectations that the central bank will cut its key policy rate in September.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell Friday as Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell signaled at the annual Jackson Hole symposium that the central bank will soon begin cutting interest rates.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “gained more than 2% a barrel on Friday after comments by U.S. Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell indicated the central bank was preparing to cut interest rates.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin soared over the weekend.
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +4.5% 2) Boeing +1.2% 3) Intuitive Machines -1.5%
The market moves you need to know about…
– Ok, on second thought, maybe bottomless fries wasn’t the savviest business move. Red Robin Gourmet Burgers shares fell 8.2% after reporting that it swung to a loss in the quarter and lowered its full-year guidance. Shares are down more than 60% on the year…
+ Bilibili (think: the YouTube of China) mooned 15.2% on Friday after it got upgraded by a handful of analysts following an impressive quarter.
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They invest all their money in intangible assets like stocks, bonds, and crypto.
The solution - fine whiskey.
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🛑 Supporting sponsors like Vinovest helps keep the lights on at TWC. Clicking on the links above and checking them out is the best way to support The Water Coolest.
The time is now
Source: Giphy
You guys. This is not a drill. Inflation was transitory, after all...
J-Poww said during his much-anticipated speech at the Fed’s annual off-site in Jackson Hole, “My confidence has grown that inflation is on a sustainable path back to 2%.”
The symposium that’s one apostrophe ‘s’ away from being the name of a p*rno starring all dudes gave investors exactly what they needed: confirmation that rate cuts were inbound.
After more than two years of fighting the good fight against inflation, Jerry Interest Rates told the world: “the time is now” “The time has come for policy to adjust.”
Ok, but what exactly does that mean?
What kind of girl do you think J-Poww is? He doesn’t give it all away on the first date.
We know a rate cut is coming… we just don’t know how big. Or how many.
Traders are pricing in just ~25% chance of a 50 basis point rate cut. Spoiler: 25 bips is pretty much a mortal lock.
Meanwhile, traders now expect ~100 basis points of cuts in the year of our lord 2024. Considering there are only 2 meetings left after September’s, we’d likely need to get a bigger cut at some point.
Markets didn’t seem too disappointed that we might only be getting a quarter point. Stonks mooned on the news. The Nasdaq jumped nearly 1.5% on the day.
+ Now we know why there’s been an epidemic of adult actresses saying things like “Oh no, Mr. Landlord, I don’t have enough money to pay the rent this month. If only there was another way I could pay you…”
RealPage has been making the rent too damn high…
On Friday, the DOJ charged property management platform RealPage with “algorithmic collusion”… which sounds like something that Gavin Belson would have his friends in the government charge Pied Piper with in Season 3 of ‘Silicon Valley.’
But the alleged crime was actually pretty straightforward: RealPage collects rent data and “recommends” prices to landlords. The Justice Department claims they helped keep rent prices artificially high by way of their recommendations that just screamed “Hey, your competitors are charging about the same so don’t go any lower, you dummy.”
+ Boeing is nothing if not consistent. It’s shown a commitment to f*cking things up beyond all repair, no matter the elevation…
On Saturday, NASA announced that the Boeing (+1.2%) Starliner will return from the International Space Station… empty. As in, they’ve decided it’s safer to leave two astronauts in space for 6 months instead of flying them home on the Boeing shuttle. BA’s capsule is dealing with thruster issues that could make a return to Earth unsafe.
The worst part for Boeing? NASA said it will bring the crew home on its competitor’s (think: SpaceX) vehicle at some point early next year.
Imagine being the poor b*stard inheriting the Boeing CEO job…
+ The wait is almost over. The incredibly underwhelming iPhone 16 is reportedly dropping on September 10th. That means it should be in stores on the 20th.
It isn’t just mouth-breathing Apple (+1.0%) die-hards that are counting down the minutes, though. The timing also means that the new iPhone and other hardware will have a week and a half of sales in the current quarter…
Oh, and…
+ Telegram messaging app CEO Durov reportedly arrested in France. Tell me you’re about to get Epsteined without telling me…
+ Meta Platforms cancels high-end mixed reality headset plans. *Zuck sees how well Apple’s Vision Pro is doing*
+ SEC Awards Two Whistleblowers Almost $100 Million Combined. What’s stopping you from creating generational wealth by way of becoming an SEC snitch?
+ 39-year-old earns 5 times as much as her husband: It’s hard to be ‘the sole person providing for the family’. Leave his poor a**…
🔥 'Self-Run' Car Wash Sells For 140K, New Owner Profits $5K A Month, Only Stops By To Mix Soap And Collect Cash. “Have an A1 day!”
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ On Friday, the only thing that really mattered was J-Poww’s speech from Jackson Hole.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ PDD Holdings reports before the bell
Yesterday, I asked, “Free, unlimited Uber or Uber Eats for the rest of your life?”
Uber Eats won with 60.8% of the vote.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Uber: "If you live in NYC, this is a no-brainer.”
Uber Eats: "If I could get free white monsters and Zyns delivered on demand I'd be unstoppable" For like 6 months until your heart exploded…
Uber: "Day drinking anyone?” Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Uber Eats: "Oh to have an endless supply of soggy, cold dishes from chain restaurants, that’s heaven. But making dinner sucks, so it wins"
Here’s today’s question…
This one’s for the fellas…
+ The ‘Deadlift ETF’ is brilliant…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.