Today we’re diving into TikTok’s latest scheme, looking at what Trump’s conviction means for DJT & a lot more.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 11 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “ended lower on Thursday, with the Nasdaq falling more than 1% and technology shares leading declines after a disappointing Salesforce forecast.” (Reuters)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “retreated on Thursday as investors looked ahead to key economic data and assessed the state of the economy." (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices fell for the second consecutive session on Thursday, after the U.S. government reported weak fuel demand in the country and a surprise jump in gasoline and distillate fuel stockpiles.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “rose marginally on Thursday, remaining pinned within a trading range as anticipation of key U.S. economic data, which is likely to factor into the outlook for interest rates, kept traders to the sidelines.” (Investing.com)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -3.7% 2) Dell -5.1% // -17.7% after hours 3) Salesforce -19.7%

The market moves you need to know about…

– Salesforce just had its worst day since 2008 (yes, it was worse than anything that happened in March 2020). CRM fell 19.7% after sharing a piss-poor outlook and revealing a rare topline miss on Wednesday.

+ Paramount shares rose 1.0% on news that Skydance was sweetening its deal for the studio. Friendly reminder: until Sony and Apollo showed interest, Skydance was the presumptive winner of the steaming pile of garbage that is Paramount.

– There’s only one thing that can stop Nvidia: Uncle Sam. Shares dropped 3.7% on news that the US was slowing its approval process for chipmakers sending semis to the Middle East. The reason? A “security review.” Turns out, some chips meant for the Middle East are finding their way to China.

Bad news, Mr. Wonderful… TikTok is scheming up a plan that might be crazy enough to appease US officials (but probably not)…

According to some snitches at ByteDance (who are going to end up in the same gulag as Jack Ma if Beijing sniffs them out), the company is working to clone its TikTok algorithm to create a US version of the app.

Oh, so Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V?

Not exactly.

Turns out, it’s a painstaking process that could take hundreds of engineers more than a year to complete. They need to examine each line of code to create a totally separate algorithm. The process would involve removing any code related to the Chinese version of the app, Douyin.

Of course, the major risk is that the “US version” of the app sucks worse than Twitter’s video feed. Not to mention most of its engineering talent sits in China, so even if the apps were separated, they would become very different, very quickly.

On the bright side…

If ByteDance can pull this off, it could be enough to convince US lawmakers that the US version of TikTok has successfully unlatched from the teet of the People’s Republic.

That could save Bytedance from having to do the unthinkable… shutting down the app for more than 170M Americans, or worse, having to sell it to someone like Steven Mnuchin.

+ “Guilty as charged.” - DJT shareholders when someone accuses them of being bad at investing

In case you were wondering, now we know what happens when a former president is convicted on 34 felony accounts: shares of his publicly traded media and tech company crater.

Following Donny Politics’ conviction, shares of Trump Media & Technology (+1.4% // -6.1% after hours) fell as much as 15% before paring some of the losses.

+ Jorge Lopez calling the Mets “the worst team in probably the whole f***ing MLB” and throwing his glove into the cheap seat is just part of the team’s effort to market its new BTS content… and you can’t convince me otherwise…

The NY Mets have inked a deal with Range Media, which is (shocker) partially owned by team owner Steve Cohen, to create behind-the-scenes content a la Netflix’s ‘Drive to Survive.’

I cannot wait for Frank the Tank’s reviews.

+ Coastal elites haven’t been this bricked up about an IPO since Canada Goose took its talents to the public markets…

This time, it’s a different ‘Goose’ that’s got them ready to run through a wall (probably at a country club). Golden Goose, the maker of the insanely popular $500 Super-Star sneakers that come “pre-distressed” plans to go public. The company will raise ~$100M via its IPO in Milan next month.

+ Adam Neumann can’t hurt you anymore…

Not only did WeWork exit bankruptcy yesterday… it did so without the help of Adam Neumann, who made a play for his old company.

As part of the approved restructuring, the company was able to weasel its way out of billions in rent obligations and leave debt holders with pennies on the dollar.

+ Yes, Walmart Store Managers Really Can Make $500,000 a Year (Read)

+ Billionaire Bill Gates Has A McDonald's 'Gold Card' That Gives Him Free Food For Life Worldwide (Read)

+ Brené Brown’s No. 1 tip for learning from your mistakes (Read)

⏪ Yesterday we were keeping an eye on Best Buy, Dell, and Costco’s earnings, plus Q1 GDP data.

+ It’s not entirely clear why, but shares of Best Buy rose 13.4% on the day. You see, revenue dropped year over year and missed the Street’s expectations. Oh, and the Circuit City disciple indicated it isn’t out of the woods yet as customers put off discretionary buying. The only saving grace? Drastic cost-cutting helped it beat on the bottom line.

+ Dell (-5.1% // -17.7% after hours) got put in a body bag after reporting mixed earnings for the quarter and warning that the AI servers that have investors all horned up could eat into margins in the near term.

+ Costco (+1.0% // -1.7% after hours) beat on the top and bottom lines, thanks in large part to cost-conscious buyers seeking deals (… and 1-ounce gold bars).

+ On second thought…

The Bureau of Economic Analysis' second Q1 GDP estimate came in at +1.3%. That’s below the Bureau’s first crack at the data (+1.6%).

⏩ Here's what we’re keeping an eye on today...

+ The Fed’s preferred inflation gauge (Core PCE) drops at 8:30 AM EST… and that’s all that really matters

Yesterday, I asked, “Which (non-Mark Cuban) Shark from Shark Tank would you want to buy TikTok with?”

The top 3…

Charles Barkley got the most write-in votes. Oh, and you guys are incredibly horny for Lori Greiner… and who am I to yuck your yum?

Here’s today’s question…

Americans voted real estate as the best long-term investment.

Before you go…

Google’s AI team cannot catch a break (Instagram)

Inflation is out of control… (Twitter)out,

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.