Welcome back. Since I know you were probably busy consuming your body weight in cheap beer and assorted pies between midday Wednesday and last night, I’ve got a special newsletter for you today…

A Thanksgiving hangover edition to help catch you up/remind you what you missed over the past few days.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 14 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “closed at record highs on Friday, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average rising 0.4% to close at a record high and the S&P 500 gaining 0.6% to reach a record at the end of a holiday-shortened trading session.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “retreated to a new low going back to late October on Friday amid a shortened trading day for U.S. markets following the Thanksgiving holiday.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “edged lower on Friday and posted a weekly decline of more than 3%, pressured by easing concern over supply risks from the Israel-Hezbollah conflict and the prospect of increased supply in 2025 even as OPEC+ is expected to extend output cuts.” (Reuters)

+ All the Bitcoin bulls talking their book at Thanksgiving dinner appears to have worked…

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Archer Aviation +18.4% 2) Rocket Lab +6.2% 3) Nvidia +2.1%

+ Just in time to fuel the flames of the monetary policy discussion around the Thanksgiving dinner table (with your blue-haired cousin who just finished her first semester at Wesleyan), new inflation data dropped Wednesday AM.

Core (+0.3% month over month // +2.8% year over year) and regular PCE (+0.2% month over month // +2.3% year over year) ticked up but were mostly in line with economists’ estimates. Despite the increase, markets priced in a larger chance of a rate cut in December.

+ 90s one-hit wonder Ginuwine said it best: "Ride it, my Pony.AI"

Chinese autonomous driving startup Pony AI made its Nasdaq debut on Wednesday, cucking President Xi and the powers that be in Beijing, in the process. The $4.2B offering was a major coup for US markets after China effectively banned domestic companies from taking their talents to the land of the free and the home of type II diabetes.

The company raised over $400M via the sale of its ADRs (as well as a private placement) after pricing at the top of its range. Shares popped when trading began, but actually closed down on the day.

+ Is nothing sacred anymore? First, they came for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. And now the Miss America pageant?

Miss America Competiton LLC filed for bankruptcy protection on Wednesday claiming it owes... $4M. If that seems like a relatively tiny debt load, that's because it is…

You see, the outstanding debt probably isn't the real reason the Miss America team went all Chapter 11. The filing may have been a legal maneuver used by the current ownership which is beefing with the former CEO who lays claim to the brand. This sounds like a sub-plot to Miss Congeniality.

But, have no fear, horn dogs, the show will go on. There will be no interruption to the pageant in 2025.

+ Grow your company’s stock price with this one weird trick!

Shares of US-based drone maker Unusual Machines (+89.3%) are up nearly 400% since Wednesday when the company announced it added Donald Trump Jr. to its board. Friendly reminder: Don Jr. recently joined VC firm 1789 Capital and has no plans to hold an official role in Senior’s administration.

+ Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days when Black Friday was live-action Mortal Kombat, but all the characters were suburban housewives, the arena was the toy section in Target, and the prize was a (blood-stained) Furby.

Another Black Friday, another record-breaking online sales figure. Early estimates for Black Friday indicate total online sales topped $10.8B. For the record, online shopping on Thanksgiving Day also hit a new all-time high

+ And for that reason (read: fear of retribution) I’m out…

Probably just a coincidence that weeks after Elon Musk became the most powerful private citizen in the US (see: Co-Overlord of Department of Government Efficiency), one of the country’s most powerful banks dropped a lingering lawsuit against Tesla.

JPMorgan Chase went all “let’s pretend that never happened” to Tesla on Friday, dropping a three-year-old lawsuit seeking $162B.

According to the bank, Elon’s “Funding secured” tweet forced it to reprice stock warrants dating back to 2014 multiple times. Tesla countered that the move was a cash grab by the bank. And as you can probably guess, things got ugly…

+ *The Rock hits the previous Thanksgiving weekend box office record with a People’s Elbow*

The total box office haul for Thanksgiving weekend 2024 was a staggering $420M (nice). Moana 2 (starring The Rock) put the team on its back with $221M in sales alone this weekend. Wicked and Gladiator II also held space.

That sound you heard was AMC investors mouth breathing extra loud.

+ Carlos Tavares knows you can’t have the Sunday scaries after a long weekend if you don’t have to go to work Monday….

Stellantis announced on Sunday that Tavares was “stepping down” as CEO, effective immediately. Spoiler: he was fired. It wasn’t entirely surprising given the sh*tstorm the maker of Jeep, Dodge, and Chrysler has found itself in over the past year. Sales have plummeted as customers complained of high prices and dog sh*t products.

The board cited “different views” between the company and Tavares. It appears their view was to sell more overpriced Wranglers to families who can’t afford them…

+ AI-Powered ‘Death Clock’ Promises a More Exact Prediction of the Day You’ll Die. DeathClock.com was doing this in like 2004.

+ NFL star Rob Gronkowski wanted to ‘go big’ with his first investment at age 25: Now his Apple stock is worth more than $600,000. The amount of shares Gronk bought is the exact number you’d expect Gronk to buy.

🔥 59% of Americans consider this the No. 1 sign of success — it’s not wealth. Spoiler: it’s owning a jet ski.

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Friday was a half day for markets in the US.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Zscaler reports after the bell

Last week, I asked, “What's the absolute best thing about Thanksgiving?”

Welp, you all certainly hate your jobs… long weekend won in a landslide. Family and football rounded out the top 3.

Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

And here’s today’s question…

There were undoubtedly a ton of insufferable human beings getting shamed for trying to board their flight before their group was called this weekend.

+ “Yeah, I worked at Google…”

🔥 New work hack just dropped…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.