TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Today we’re getting into JPMorgan changing its tune on bitcoin, 23andMe’s new home, and Sesame Street’s new streaming partner.
But first...
In the May 20, 2020 edition of The Water Coolest… we covered Joe Rogan’s $100M move to Spotify. At the time, Spotify was collecting podcast talent like Derek Jeter collecting A-listers in the early aughts.
Spotify’s plan didn’t blow up spectacularly, but it definitely didn’t go as planned. It’s trimmed the podcast fat and let its two whales (Joe and Alex Cooper) walk last year.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
The duality of man Jamie Dimon
“Ok, fine, but I’m gonna complain the whole time.” - Jamie Dimon to a room full of people who really wish they could work from home
Remember that time JPMorgan's $JPM ( ▲ 0.16% ) CEO referred to bitcoin as a “pet rock"? And went on to share that the only “true use case for it is criminals, drug traffickers… money laundering, tax avoidance”?
Well, the Satoshi-hating master of the universe has eaten his words (kinda)… at the bank’s annual investor meeting, no less. The nation’s largest bank is changing its tune on sh*tcoins. Jamie said, “We are going to allow you to buy it. We’re not going to custody it. We’re going to put it in statements for clients.”
All this means is that (some) JPMorgan clients will finally be able to get access to the most vanilla, missionary crypto products… like bitcoin ETFs.
Old man yells at cloud
Jamie, who sounds like he’s fun at parties, proceeded to share a bleak outlook about the economy.
He had this to say about the tariff selloff and rebound: “The market came down 10%, it’s back up 10%; I think that’s an extraordinary amount of complacency.” Sounds like someone didn’t BTFD.
Dimon still thinks inflation (and potentially stagflation) are real possibilities. He continues to pound the ‘r-word’ (read: recession) drum and was quick to remind everyone without an internet connection that the geopolitical situation in the world is a clusterf*ck.
Forget politics. Focus on progress.
While D.C. squabbles, Cytonics is developing the world’s first biologic drug that could actually regenerate cartilage.
Cable news is full of conflict. But beneath the surface, biotech innovators like Cytonics are focused on something bigger: progress.
We’re developing a drug with the potential to change the standard of care for osteoarthritis—by actually stopping cartilage loss and triggering repair. That’s something no currently approved drug can do.
This effort is rooted in real-world traction, not rhetoric:
10,000+ patients treated with our first-gen therapy
25 patents issued globally
A Phase 1 trial completed with zero serious adverse events
We’re not a Beltway startup or Wall Street darling—we’re backed by everyday investors who believe that innovation should be democratized.
*Ad disclosures below
+ What could possibly go wrong?
23andme has found a buyer. Regeneron Pharma $REGN ( ▼ 0.48% ) is planning to buy the genetic testing startup’s (can we still call it a startup if it shut down?) assets for $256M after it filed for bankruptcy in March. And it could be worse, you guys, it could have gotten scooped up by Purdue Pharma…
I know what you’re thinking: “Why does a pharmaceutical giant care that I’m 7.25% Norwegian?” Well, 23andMe is sitting on a goldmine of genetic data that can help Regeneron develop drugs… and/or get into the crime solving business. The company has convinced more than 15M people to spit in a test tube.
There are still plenty of hoops to jump through for the deal to close, especially on the privacy side. Duh.
+ Hand up, I thought this was the closest Sesame Street would ever come to getting in bed with Netflix.
Turns out money talks down where the air is sweet. Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 0.34% ) swooped in and scooped up the streaming rights to Sesame Street from Max (no, I won’t call it HBO Max, and you can’t make me), which didn’t bid. Terms weren’t disclosed (…but we can all agree that it would have been better if The Count announced the numbers). However, we do know Warner Bros. Discovery was paying between $30M and $35M per year.
Have no fear, public broadcasting benefactors, PBS will remain the TV home of Sesame Street.
+ I’d absolutely hate to be an enemy of America (or her allies)…
+ Sure, your parents love you, but I bet they don’t love you this much. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick is handing over ownership of Cantor Fitzgerald to his two adult sons… who he already made chairman and exec chairman (and you thought parents didn’t pick favorites).
+ Pentagon. Hexagon. Octagon. Wendy-gon. CBS News’ Wendy McMahon was asked by Paramount management to pack her sh*t and GTFO before security did it for her. Paramount (and by that, I mean controlling shareholder Shari Redstone) and McMahon have been beefing in recent months about independence in the newsroom (friendly reminder: Paramount is trying to win approval of a merger from the Trump administration).
+ US stocks “finished near the unchanged mark on Monday with market sentiment weakened by the downgrade of the federal government's perfect sovereign credit rating owing to its huge debt profile.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “gained while the dollar broadly eased on Monday amid concerns about the U.S. debt load and a tax-cut bill, following Moody's downgrade of the country's sovereign credit rating.” (Reuters)
+ Oil “prices settled marginally higher on Monday as signs of a breakdown in U.S. talks with Iran over its nuclear program offset a Moody’s downgrade of the U.S. sovereign credit rating.” (Reuters)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ ZIM reported before the bell
+ Trip.com reported after the bell
+ Coinbase was added to the S&P 500 and Shopify joined the Nasdaq 100
+ Digital health company Hinge Health and ad software company MNTN were expected to price their IPOs
+ Microsoft held its annual Microsoft Build conference. CEO Satya Nadella gave the opening keynote on Microsoft's vision and AI strategy
+ JPMorgan Chase held its annual Investor Day
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Home Depot and Bilibili report before the bell
+ Palo Alto reports after the bell
+ Alphabet will hold its annual Google I/O Conference
+ Diageo is hosting its annual Guinness Investor and Analyst Event. So much splitting of the G…
Yesterday, I asked, “What's the next bite?”
38.6% of you chose “3.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
1: “I’m trying not to get my cheeks messy, while still getting the most cheese. 3 is a throw away, I’m not that into you, crust.”
2: “Cheese and pepperoni are the main event. Crust is just the consolation prize until you can lift another slice.”
3: “Bite 3 makes everything better for the final bites. Equal parts crust, sauce, cheese and toppings in the last few bites.”
1: “You worked your way to the crust, grab a bite and save a little normal pizza for the next bite.”
2: “I need symmetry”
3: “Was going to put “2” at first but then realized you definitely want to bite “3” so you have no impediments to bite 2.”
Here’s today’s question…
What's your go to wedding gift (you and a guest)?
Bill Ackman vs Cathie Wood
— #Evan (#@StockMKTNewz)
8:48 PM • May 19, 2025
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.
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