TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
We’re on the brink of losing one of the greatest innovations of the 21st century.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 21 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
That sucks
"F*ck Roomba, all my homies hate Roomba." - my dog
iRobot $IRBT ( ▲ 5.02% ) (not to be confused with the 2004 American science fiction action film starring Will Smith), the maker of the Roomba, is in a death spiral. And management thinks the end is near.
During its earnings call yesterday, the company said it has “substantial doubt” about its ability to stay in business *single tear rolls down cheek*.
So what went wrong?
Looking at you, China.
Despite inventing the self-driving robot category back when you'd get fined for forgetting to rewind your Blockbuster VHS rental (read: ~2001), Chinese knockoffs have eaten iRobot's lunch. Anker, Ecovacs, and Roborock have all Hoovered up market share.
Which is probably why iRobot tried to offload itself to Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 0.15% ) back in 2022. Amazon announced its $1.7B acquisition of the Roomba maker back in 2022. But after two years of fighting the good fight, Amazon bowed out.
Regulators claimed Amazon getting its hands on the company would be anti-competitive. The EU applied antitrust pressure, and their fun police counterparts in the US piled on.
After the deal fell through, Amazon CEO Andy Jassy predicted that the FTC had just signed iRobot's death warrant. Turns out he was right.
Judging by the financials iRobot just dropped, it’s only a matter of time until Roomba joins Juicero and Segway at the big Sharper Image in the sky...
Scrambling for Tax Season? There’s Still Hope—But You Need to Act Now
If your CPA just recently reached out (or worse, still hasn’t), you’re not alone. But last-minute tax prep means missed savings, unnecessary stress, and potential penalties.
The good news? It’s not too late to get on the right track— for both 2024 and 2025.
Maximize deductions & minimize tax liability with a proactive plan
Stay ahead year-round with Gelt’s tax management platform
Seamless compliance for both personal & business taxes—no surprises
Ongoing expert guidance so you’re never caught off guard again
Make this the last year you scramble at tax time. Limited spots available.
+ Human red pill RFK Jr. has his laser eyes set on artificial food dyes. The new Health & Human Services Secretary met with the Illuminati of food CEOs to give them a stern talking to. And compare bench PRs, probably.
The CEOs of PepsiCo $PEP ( ▼ 0.69% ), Kraft Heinz $KHC ( ▼ 1.45% ), General Mills $GIS ( ▼ 0.44% ), Tyson Foods $TSN ( ▼ 1.22% ), WK Kellogg $KLG ( ▼ 0.09% ), JM Smucker $SJM ( ▲ 0.5% ), along with the Consumer Brands Association, were in attendance.
Everyone’s 2nd favorite bodybuilding politician has been using his Make America Healthy Again campaign to fight against artificial dyes that give people cancer (which, fair). The move follows the recent FDA ban on Red No. 3. Gone, but never forgotten.
RFKJ and the HHS are looking to change the Generally Recognized as Safe (GRAS) rule, which currently allows companies to self-report on the safety of food ingredients.
+ Intel goes through CEOs like Spinal Tap goes through drummers…
Intel $INTC ( ▼ 2.77% ) shares went *checks notes* up Wednesday after the chipmaker named Lip-Bu Tan as CEO, officially concluding the Patty Gelsinger experiment. Tan’s LinkedIn shows 16 years as the CEO of Cadence Design Systems $CDNS ( ▲ 1.24% ), along with a stint on the Intel board (before he jumped ship last year). Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!
The new captain inherits a sinking ship after Pat Gelsinger and his predecessor steered the ship directly into an iceberg… at full speed… a handful of times. LBT wants to “double down and extend our advantage” (lol, wut advantage?) and “find ways to pick up the pace” (to be fair, they couldn’t be much slower…). The appointment marks CEO #4 at Intel over the past 7 years. Those are Bonnie Blue numbers…
+ February CPI just dropped, and it’s not nearly as bad as you’re thinking. Both CPI and core CPI increased 0.2% on the month, with CPI up 2.8% on an annual basis with core at 3.1%. So, better than expected, but… still not great, Bob.
+ That’s not very polite. New Canadian retaliatory tariffs go into effect today. 25% tariffs coming on $20B worth of US steel, aluminum, and some consumer goods.
+ Today I learned a f*ck ton of living, breathing human beings still play Pokémon Go. Scopely Inc. (read: the Saudi sovereign wealth fund) is buying Niantic’s gaming business, including Pokémon Go, for $3.5B.
+ Spotify reported that it paid nearly 1.5k artists over $1M in royalties in 2024. Over 80% of the now-millionaires didn’t even have a song reach SPOT’s Global Daily Top 50 Chart. Sirius’s more talented younger brother also inked a new deal with podcast host and “head of talk strategy” Bill Simmons. Friendly reminder: Spotify overpaid for bought Simmons’ Ringer network for $250M back in 2020.
+ Women will get most of the $124 trillion ‘great wealth transfer.’ Here’s why. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it…
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
+ US stocks “advanced on Wednesday as cooler-than-expected inflation data helped stanch a sharp selloff, while the escalation of U.S. President Donald Trump's chaotic, multi-front tariff war kept gains in check.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield was “higher Wednesday, a sign of relief after a softer inflation report eased some concerns about the economy.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices rose 2% on Wednesday, as U.S. government data showed tighter-than-expected oil and fuel inventories, though investors kept an eye on mounting fears of a U.S. economic slowdown and the impact of tariffs on global economic growth.” (Reuters)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Visa +0.2% 2) Nvidia +6.4% 3) Hims & Hers Health -2.2%
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Adobe, UiPath, SentinelOne, and Crown Castle reported after the bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ D-Wave Quantum and Dollar General report before the bell
+ Ulta, DocuSign, Rubrik, and Crown Castle report after the bell
+ The Producer Price Index report drops
Yesterday, I asked, “What's the GOAT Girl Scout cookie?”
Samoas won with 38.9% of the vote.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Samoas: “They are cancel proof. Plus coconut is technically a fruit so you don’t have to count Samoas as a dessert.”
Trefoils: “What the f**k is a Trefoil? I've been eating Girl Scout cookies for 40-something years and have never heard of them.”
Do-si-dos: “Peanut butter patties in second. I love peanut butter (a dog did not write this)”
Tagalongs: “Chocolate and peanut butter or a toothpaste flavored hockey puck? Real tough decision here.”
Thin Mints: “Ya gots to put 'em in da freezer ”
The field: “These little sh*ts push an incredibly unhealthy snack. They’re drug dealers.”
And here’s today’s question…
You're either a Roomba family or not. No one is a casual Roomba user. You're either obsessed or think it's a dumb idea. So…
Do you use a Roomba?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.