Hey there weekday warriors,
The Miami Dolphins are about to be the first NFL team to get in bed with a private equity shop. And you can return all that toilet paper, the port strike is over (for now).
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 37 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, BIG congrats to OG weekday warrior Ray F. who is getting married this weekend. He shot me this very cool note: “In 2018 while I was still living in Atlanta I started reading the Water Coolest religiously because I started dating this guy who lived in Manhattan. Everytime I would come up to visit him I would lean on the little tidbits from the newsletter and the daily 2-minute podcasts (real Gs know) to hold my own in conversation with his "fancy" NYC friends. Well, me and that guy are flying back down to Georgia today to get ready for our wedding on Sunday.”
+ US stocks “slipped on Thursday as Wall Street awaited the key jobs report and dissected a slew of economic data ahead of it. Meanwhile, the possibility of an Israeli retaliatory attack against Iran's oil facilities sent oil soaring for a third day.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “advanced on Thursday as investors looked to the latest labor market insights and considered the state of the economy.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “surged on Thursday as concerns mounted that a widening regional conflict in the Middle East could disrupt global crude flows.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “continued to feel pressure from geopolitical uncertainty focused on the Middle East while failing to claw back losses from earlier in the week.” (Cointelegraph)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +3.3% 2) Visa -0.07% 3) Clover Health +11.4%
The market moves you need to know about…
+ The US government just made it rain for EVgo by way of a $1.05B DOE loan. The dirt-cheap financing will allow the company to build out 7.5k additional EV fast chargers across the land of the free and the home of fossil fuels. Shares soared 60.8%.
– On the bright side, demand for b*ner pills remains at all-time highs. Shares of Hims & Hers dropped 9.6% after the FDA confirmed that Eli Lilly’s GLP-1 shortage was officially canceled. Friendly reminder: Hims launched a compounded version of the weight loss drug to combat supply constraints. Thanks for coming out…
Targeting
Ares to Tua after buying a stake in the Dolphins
— #High Yield Harry (#@HighyieldHarry)
10:16 PM • Oct 2, 2024
The Dolphins are about to have the smallest payroll in the league…
It appears that the Miami Dolphins will be the first NFL team to make a deal with the devil (read: private equity).
You might recall that back in August, NFL owners agreed to allow PE shops to buy up to a 10% stake in franchises.
One of those owners, Stephen Ross, is reportedly this close to selling 10% of the Dolphins to Ares Management. Oh, and Steve (cool if I call you that?) will offload another 3% to Joseph Tsai (the Alibaba founder not named Jack Ma who owns the Nets and Barclays Center).
But Ares and Tsai don’t just want a piece of the team. Can you blame them? The Dolphins are 1-3 and their franchise quarterback has mashed potatoes for brains.
You see, Stephen Ross doesn’t just own the team. He also owns Hard Rock Stadium and the operating rights to all the cool sh*t that attracts people who look like 2024 Mike McDaniel (think: F1).
As part of the deal, the two new minority owners will get a piece of the $8.1B team, venue, and events portfolio.
+ Our long short national nightmare is over…
The International Longshoremen’s Association (and its Dave Ramsey-a** looking President) have ended their strike that began on Tuesday. That means ports on the East Coast will open back up… and I bet all those dorks who stocked up on toilet paper in anticipation of shortages feel pretty stupid right now.
Technically, the two sides haven’t come to an agreement yet. The ILA’s current contract was extended through January 15th, which should give them time to dot t’s and cross i’s.
While the terms aren’t finalized, the longshoremen are expected to get a 61.5% raise over the next 6 years.
What’s less clear is how the ILA and United States Maritime Alliance (think: management) plan to reconcile the union’s concerns about port automation (see: robots) stealing human jobs.
+ “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough.” - Sam Altman
Sammy For-Profit has a fever and the only prescription is more straight cash, homie. Just a day after going all “funding secured” (think: raising $6.6B at a $157B valuation), Sam and OpenAI finalized a $4B revolving credit facility. Oh, and it can get access to another $2B if it asks nicely.
*Runs the numbers* That means OpenAI’s war chest currently tops $10B… approximately $9.9B of which will be wired directly to Nvidia.
+ Spirit Airlines (-3.4% // -30.3% after hours) is about to get the Spirit Halloween treatment.
The discount airline is reportedly considering bankruptcy and has been in talks with bondholders to ‘just chill out a little bit.’ It’s been a brutal year for Spirit. Not only did the DOJ block its merger with JetBlue, but it’s been hit hard by a major Pratt & Whitney engine recall. But, hey, at least Spirit is a Boeing-free airline…
You hate to see it. Zuck is officially the world’s second-richest person. Yesterday, he dethroned Jeff Bezos as #2 (behind Elon Musk), thanks to Meta’s huge year. His net worth has risen by $78B… in 2024. Now, just imagine if he had gone all in on something (literally anything) besides the metaverse…
+ What it really costs to live comfortably in America’s 50 biggest cities. Enjoy being poor, New Yorkers.
+ Sydney Sweeney doesn’t think she’ll ‘ever feel comfortable’ financially. Same, Syd. And, yes, I only chose this because I know you’re going to click on it for the images.
+ Mark Cuban got drunk and spent $125k on this. I get drunk and buy two Domino’s pizzas for myself.
🔥 How much money you need to retire comfortably in every U.S. state. Catch me in Del Boca Vista…
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday, Constellation Brands reported
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ There’s only one thing that matters: the September jobs report drops
Yesterday, I asked, “What's your go-to jean brand?”
Lots of write-ins, but of the choices...
Levi
Wrangler
Lucky
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Banana Republic: "Banana Republic, cause I'm a small, poor, politically unstable country (er, adult) that is weak because of an excessive reliance on one crop (Zyns) and foreign funding (Wife)” Well played.
Write in: "Costco jeans, whatever they are selling"
Write in: "Coming from your Gen Z girl, Abercrombie" A real unicorn, you guys… a Gen-Z woman reading TWC.
Write in: "AG Jeans. Btw, great Billy Madison reference"
Write in: "I’ve never felt older than me about to write in ‘American Eagle’"
Write in: "Paige - duh" And Lucchese boots?
Write in: "Joe's Jeans. Try these and you're not going back." How much are they paying you?
Oh and, you might recall that on Tuesday I asked “What's the GOAT tortilla chip?”
One weekday warrior replied: “Fritos scoop.” I made sure to shame him publicly for violating the terms and conditions of the EXIT INTERVIEW, since, you know, Fritos are clearly corn chips, not tortilla chips.
His rebuttal: “I need to defend my Fritos Scoops take here...while they are corn chips (NOT tortilla, which was what was asked), they outperform their scooping counterparts by a mile. The thicker body means that you can scoop much more effectively than tostitos scoops or any other tortilla chip, which fall apart and break under the weight of anything heavier than a liquid nacho cheese sauce. Sorry I like function over popularity!”
Michael Caine said it best: “Some men just want to watch the world burn.”
This man must be stopped. He’s a menace to society. Some people think terrorism is the biggest threat to the American way of life. I’d argue it’s this guy…
What’s next? Writing in “Lululemon pants” when I ask what the best brand of jeans is? Deciding that he can answer “La Croix” when I poll readers on the best bottled water?
I’ve alerted the FCC and reported him to global internet service providers. Let’s all pray they catch up to him before he can hurt anyone else.
And here’s today’s questions…
There’s an epidemic in this country: people who ask other people what they do for work as soon as you meet them…
You just met someone. You asked their name. How long until you ask them 'so what do you do for a living?'
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.