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Hey there weekday warriors,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Novo Nordisk does what it does best (read: lose), Anthropic told on China for copying its homework, and OpenAI is taking over the consulting game.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 37 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Supersize it
Eli Lilly: Weight loss.
Novo Nordisk: Wait. Loss.
Novo Nordisk $NVO ( ▼ 2.62% ) is back on its bullsh*t (read: losing to its American copycat).
Turns out its new drug, “CagriSema,” put up terrible numbers when compared to Eli Lilly’s $LLY ( ▼ 1.55% ) drugs.
Cagri-Sun achieved only 23% weight loss compared with LLY’s 25.5% weight loss. Despite its track record, Novo’s key goal was to show that its new drug “wasn’t inferior to Eli Lilly’s rival drug.”
Novo shares took a 16.4% dive yesterday on the abject failure.
Meanwhile, over in the winner’s circle…
Eli Lilly launched a new version of its drug Zepbound. And there’s only one way to describe what makes it different…
They supersized it.
America’s most obese can now get a month’s worth of doses in one “KwikPen” device, starting at $299/mo.
Eli shares did what pretty much no other shares could yesterday (see: jumped 4.8% on the day).
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+ “nObodY EvEr GOt FiREd fOR bUyINg ibM” - every boomer ever
IBM $IBM ( ▲ 2.67% ) just had its worst day since the year 2000, or roughly around the time American hero Jack Hughes was being conceived (TYFYS, Mr. & Mrs. Hughes).
Shares fell more than 13% after Anthropic said that it can help bring IBM’s COBOL out of the dark ages.
+ “Yeah, so it’s Uber for parking spots…” - SpotHero explaining its business to Uber
Uber $UBER ( ▲ 0.93% ) is acquiring SpotHero for an undisclosed sum… and for undisclosed reasons. SpotHero allows users to reserve parking spots at more than 13k garages and lots across the US and Canada.
The company that continues to make Lyft wish it never raised VC money will add SpotHero to the Uber app. And if you thought Uber drivers were sketchy, just wait until you meet parking lot attendants in seedy neighborhoods…
Anthropic claims that leading AI devs in China are straight up stealing info from its AI models to power their own products. This explains Claude Code Security…
DeepSeek, MiniMax Group, and Moonshot stand accused of violating Dario’s terms of service (as if people actually read those) by generating over 16M exchanges with its LLM via thousands of fraudulent accounts.
Claude, copy/paste your entire code base. Make no mistakes.
In the biz, we call that “distillation,” which is exactly what it sounds like (read: cheating). See Eli Lilly/Novo Nordisk story above for an example of how “distillation” can go very, very right for a company…
+ Talking to a consultant be like…
OpenAI may finally get what it always wanted (think: some actual revenue). Yesterday, Temu-Anthropic announced a new multiyear partnership with four major consulting firms to deploy its enterprise tool “Frontier.” Accenture, Boston Consulting Group, Capgemini, and McKinsey are all admitting defeat set to partner with @sama to roll out the program.
You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become Sam Altman’s b*tch…
+ *Elon laughs in space*
Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 1.6% ) announced a big, beautiful build yesterday. Andy Jassy is gonna pony up $12B for solving world hunger new data centers in Louisiana. Only $188B of 2026 capex to go.
Friendly reminder, Zuck also picked out Louisiana for its yuge Hyperion data center ($27B).
Your next vacation is already paid for. You just haven’t claimed it yet.
There’s a travel rewards card right now handing out a $250 travel credit + 75,000 bonus miles (worth about $1,000 toward flights and hotels). No points gymnastics. No “one weird trick.” Just real travel value.
This is the card travel nerds won’t shut the f*ck up about. See the card everyone’s using to travel for less…
Spoiler: TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. Hint, hint.
> Bitcoin falls to nearly $64,000 as 2026 crypto woes continue (CNBC) // If Scottie Pippen is still buying, so am I.
> OpenAI’s Sam Altman blasts AI concerns around water usage as ‘fake:’ ‘Humans use energy, too’ (NY Post) // This one was almost as cringe as Gavin Newsom’s little SAT moment…
> Anthropic’s Dario Amodei, Defense Sec. Pete Hegseth to meet as Pentagon considers placing firm on blacklist (NY Post) // Careful Dario, guarantee you can’t bench 315…
> Don’t quote me, but I’m pretty sure a buyer’s market requires buyers…
Yesterday, I asked, “What was the best viral mobile game?”
28.5% of you said, “Angry Birds.” For some reason, I’m disappointed…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Pokémon Go: “I legit met up with a friend in Bryant Park during my lunch to catch Pokémon. Best part was you could tell who else was playing the game by how they held their phones.” Remember when we used to touch grass?
HQ Trivia: “The entire office would stop working to do HQ Trivia together. We didn't know we had it so good!!” Ah, the days before WFH ruined everything.
Other (write-in): “Clash of Clans. I still play!” Found the virgin.
Other (write-in): “Do your work, read informative messages, and stop playing games!! Ps, by informative messages, I mean TWC!!” Appreciate the shout out, but all work and no play makes for a dull boy…
Angry Birds: “In game ads have ruined everything. It sucks now like them all. But it was the best” Advertisers ruin everything… except great free newsletters…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Since Gavin Newsom started it, what'd you guys get on your SAT?
+ US stocks “tumbled on Monday as investors grappled with persistent fears around artificial intelligence disruptions to various industries and President Donald Trump's decision to raise his global tariffs.” (CNBC)
+ The 10-year yield “fell to start the week as investors weighed President Donald Trump’s latest tariffs after the Supreme Court struck down much of the duties on Friday.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “eased on Monday but remained at a six-month high ahead of a third round of nuclear talks between the U.S. and Iran, and amid increased economic uncertainty after the latest U.S. tariff upheaval.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s an 81% chance Bitcoin hits $60k before it hits $80k. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Domino’s reported before the bell
+ Hims & Hers, Kratos, BWX, and Diamondback Energy reported after hours
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Home Depot, Constellation Energy, Cipher Mining, DigitalOcean, American Tower, and NRG Energy drop earnings before the bell
+ MercadoLibre, Realty Income, Tempus AI, Zeta Global, Navitas Semiconductor, TransMedics, CAVA, Axon, HP, First Solar, Lucid Group, Workday, Abcellera, and Godaddy report after hours
+ Apple will hold its annual meeting
+ The Conference Board will release its latest consumer confidence report
Oh, and one more thing…
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