TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warriors,
Just a heads up that next week, TWC is getting a makeover. Same content… (slightly) different look.
Here’s what’s on tap today… Spotify just flexed on, well, everyone, Paramount just won’t let this go, and The Vatican Bank is praying for gainz.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 51 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Stonkify
Imagine fumbling the bag as badly as 2000s iTunes (ok, maybe Skype during the pandemic)…
Spotify $SPOT ( ▼ 0.46% ) just reminded the music streaming industry that it’s their world and everyone else is just living in it.
The app that’s somehow got both Swifties and Rogan listeners in a stranglehold dropped a yuge earnings beat (think: 4.43 euros/share vs. 2.74 euros expected) and revenue of 4.5B euros. That’s a 7% YoY increase for Q4. Insert euro joke even though it’s now stronger than the dollar…
Oh, and the company Tidal hopes to be when it grows up also reported that monthly active users jumped 11% from last year to a cool 751M. Paid subs were up 10% to 290M.
Even the poors ad-supported users hit a record 476M.
In the music biz, we call that “putting the competition in a bodybag.”
Obviously, markets were more stoked than a Swiftie getting a friendship bracelet from Travis Kelce. Share prices popped (no pun intended) 15%. That’s the streamer’s best day since 2019.
And they didn’t hear no bell…
Spotify expects MAUs to grow another 8M this quarter alone. Oh, and they’re projecting 293M premium subscribers.
February's packed with excuses to have a drink or 5. But your mornings don't have to suck.
February's got it all: the end of Dry January, Super Bowl Sunday, Valentine's Day, ski trips (après-ski anyone?)…
The vibe is immaculate. But the next morning? Not so much.
Enter ZBiotics Pre-Alcohol Probiotic Drink, aka your new wingman.
These absolute legends (PhDs, no less) genetically engineered a probiotic that breaks down acetaldehyde. Translation? "The thing that makes you feel like death after drinking."
It's the first of its kind in the market. Thank you for your service, nerds.
Crack one open before your first drink. It does its thing in your gut while you're doing your thing at the bar. Wake up the next day feeling like a functional human. Revolutionary concept.
Tired of regret and Gatorade?
Grab ZBiotics and use code WATERCOOLEST at zbiotics.com/WATERCOOLEST for 15% off your first order.
And yeah, there's a 100% money-back guarantee. The kind where they actually refund you if you don’t like it. No questions asked.
⚠️ Imagine scrolling by the ad above without supporting ZBiotics. They’re the reason the show goes on. Please show them some love by clicking here and checking them out.
Paramount $PSKY ( ▼ 1.61% ) is like that dude that just keeps sliding in the DMs asking for pictures of “bobs” without a single response. Yesterday, the bidders that just can’t take a hint updated their $30/share all-cash offer… but not with more cash.
The new offer includes covering the $2.8B termination fee that WBD will owe Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 2.66% ), plus a “ticking fee” to Warner Bros. $WBD ( ▲ 0.8% ) shareholders of 25 cents per share for each quarter the deal doesn’t close beyond the end of 2026.
Warner Bros. confirmed that its board will review and consider the proposal (read: no chance).
+ Things you hate to see: December retail sales were roughly flat for the holiday season Buying stuff for people you don’t actually care about slowed following a 0.6% increase in November. Annual sales rose 2.4%, a yuge drop from November’s 3.3%. Fingers crossed the jobs report is good today, or it’s six more weeks of “k-ShApEd ReCovErY” talk…
+ Suck it, atheists…
The Vatican Bank has launched its own equity indexes based on exactly what you think: Catholic principles. The “Morningstar IOR Eurozone Catholic Principles Index” and the “Morningstar IOR US Catholic Principles Index” are about to prove once and for all whether or not God is real nice guys finish last.
Render unto the index that which is the index’s, I guess…
+ “Gambling and diet pills, that’s what America does.” - The Founding Fathers, probably
Kalshi hit over $1B in trading volume on Super Bowl Sunday, up 2,700% YoY (I had the over on that prediction). Trading volume on the opening song of the halftime show alone exceeded $100M… The Bad Bunny one, not the Kid Rock one.
CEO Tarek Mansour flexed on every big game advertiser, “Kalshi was the biggest brand of the Super Bowl this year, without running a Super Bowl ad.”
Congrats on your 0.01% APY. Don’t spend it all in one place.
There are savings accounts paying up to 4.21% APY (that's 10x the national average for the record). Yours just isn’t one of them.
Move your idle cash somewhere that it's actually working for you… without all the worries. You'll always have access to your straight cash, homie… and you don't have to deal with all the volatility of the markets.
Spoiler: TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. Hint, hint.
> Elon Musk’s xAI loses co-founder Tony Wu in latest senior departure (CNBC) // But how? Elon seems like such an easy, reasonable person to work with…
> Sam Bankman-Fried Asks for New Trial on FTX Fraud Charges (Bloomberg) // Donny Crypto, help this innocent victim.
> FBI probes self-help guru Tai Lopez in ‘Ponzi scheme’ that acquired RadioShack, Pier 1 Imports: report (NY Post) // I hope it was an an*l probe. This guy is a clown.
> Wealth Manager Stocks Sink as Traders Flee Next AI Casualty (Bloomberg) // Make it stop.
> Add it to the Vatican index…
Yesterday, I asked, “The year is 2036. Elon calls and offers you a spot as a part of the new lunar colony. You can take your immediate family with you, but no one/nothing else. Your needs will be met and you must grow the colony. You going?”
82.8% of you said, “Hell nah, I’m Earthbound.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Hell yes, we’re going to the moon: “If by growing the colony means sex with the wife, I'm all in.” This guy f*cks. This is the guy in the house doing all the f*cking.
Maybe… it depends on: “Going to need a roadmap of when casinos and bars are going to be up and running.” Does roulette still work in low G?
Hell nah, I’m Earthbound: “I prefer to live on celestial bodies with breathable air, but that's just me, I'm not here to yuck anyone else's yum.”
Hell nah, I’m Earthbound: “Can I leave my immediate family back on earth?” My guy… you can bail on them without the moon. Just “go out for cigarettes”… worked for my dad.
Maybe… it depends on: “Would honestly depend if it benefits my kids and their future. i'd be in my early 50's and rather be retired on an island somewhere but would do anything for my kids/family!” Not every island is fun… just ask… nevermind.
Hell yes, we’re going to the moon: “Intergalactic orgies are next. I’m in.” BONK. Go to intergalactic horny jail.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Now that the shock has faded, what are we ranking as the best Super Bowl ad of 2026?
+ US stocks “closed mixed on Tuesday, with the Dow notching its third straight record close but the other indexes slipping after slower retail sales kicked off a flood of crucial economic data ahead of the closely watched monthly jobs report.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “fell on Tuesday after the latest retail sales report missed expectations.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “dipped on Tuesday, as traders remained on U.S.-Iran watch ahead of the release of key economic data points. ” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s an 87% chance Norway walks away from the Winter Olympics with the most gold medals… (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Spotify, Coca-Cola, Oscar Health, Datadog, Ferrari, S&P Global, Fiserv, CVS Health, BP, Marriott, Duke Energy, Jumia, AstraZeneca, and Dupont De Nemours reported before the bell
+ Robinhood, Cloudflare, Astera Labs, Lyft, Upstart, Ford, Centrus Energy, Gilead Sciences, and Zillow Group reported after hours
+ The January Retail Sales report dropped
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Shopify, Vertiv, T-Mobile, Unity Software, Kraft Heinz, Humana, SharkNinja, Hilton, and TotalEnergies report before the bell
+ Applovin, McDonald's, Cisco, Grab, Quantumscape, Viking, HubSpot, Confluent, Albemarle, Equinix, Paycom, Aurora, and Motorola report after hours
+ FedEx will hold an Investor Day event to lay out multiyear strategy and financial targets
+ New York Fashion Week kicks off
+ The delayed January jobs report will be released
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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