Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… J-Poww delivers, the AI race is going to space, and Calibri (yes, the font) is cancelled.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, interested in advertising with TWC in 2k26? Reply directly to this newsletter or fill out this form, and I’ll be in touch.
Stephen Hawkish
POTUS looking at the latest rate cut…
Yesterday, J-Poww and Co. announced a 25 bps cut (as expected). Markets responded accordingly (read: Santa rallied).
Still, not everyone was on board. The Fed committee did its best Joaquin Phoenix as Commodus in ‘Gladiator’ (the original, not that affront to cinema released last year), with 3 “no” votes, something that hasn’t happened since the year of our lord 2014.
In probably the least surprising news of the day, #47 remained unimpressed with the “rather small” cut. Meanwhile, Mrs. Powell reassured Jerome that it’s not the size that matters, but how you use it.
The clock’s ticking on J-Poww’s term…
The man who gave us “transitory” and a $2B Fed HQ renovation has only three meetings left in the spotlight before the tell-all book deals and offers from Goldman Sachs start rolling in.
Donny Economy is conducting final interviews for Fed chair this week, and the smart money (so, prediction markets) is giving a 66% chance that National Economic Council Director Kevin Hassett is at the top of the list.
F*ck it, I’m sharing The Water Coolest’s secret sauce
I’ve been writing The Water Coolest for 8 years. That includes a 2-year stint at Barstool Sports. And today I consult for some of your (other) favorite newsletters. Mostly helping them create must-read content.
So now feels like the right time to finally pull together all of my thoughts about creating killer newsletter content and building an audience the right way.
Later this month, I’m launching the Chief Newsletter Officer newsletter.
Every Thursday, I’ll send an email to current and aspiring newsletter operators and brands with tactics and takeaways from nearly a decade in the newsletter trenches. No filter, just like TWC.
Join for free today and start sending must-read content tomorrow.
+ David Ellison, son of Oracle founder Larry Ellison: “How could this week get any worse?”
Oracle shares: *plummet 11%*
Just an all-time bad week for the Ellison clan. First, David lost out on Warner Bros. Discovery $WBD ( ▲ 1.66% ) to Netflix $NFLX ( ▲ 1.17% ), then yesterday the family patriarch got put in a body bag (figuratively, of course). Oracle shares fell more than 11% after the “database software maker” missed top-line expectations, despite “yuge” demand for its AI infrastructure.
Boeing $BA ( ▲ 1.83% ) finally found someone desperate enough to buy its shady a** jets: the US government. The Department of Homeland Security just confirmed that it’ll pick up six Boeing 737s to be used by ICE for deportations. Do we think deportation flights offer drink service at cruising altitude?
The deal is worth ~$140M for seller Daedalus Aviation (congrats to whatever rep just smashed that Q4 quota).
+ On this episode of Black Mirror…
Wake up, babe, new space race just dropped: Blue Origin and SpaceX are going all ShOOt fOr ThE mOoN, EvEn iF yOu MiSs You’Ll LaNd AmoNg thE StArs. Per WSJ, Bezos’ team has been working for over a year on developing technology for orbital AI data centers. Bad news for random landowners in rural Texas.
Meanwhile, Elon’s already been planning to upgrade its Starlink to carry AI data centers. Either way, someone’s going to be the first to yeet our computer overlords into orbit.
Impressive, now do trash.
+ Marco Rubio and the homies when the intern prints something in Calibri…
Calibri font is out, and Times New Roman font is back at the State Department per a new memo from Sec. of State Marco Rubio.
I was today years old when I learned Calibri was adopted as the font of choice in 2023 by Biden’s DEI office to make official documents easier to read for the vision impaired. I’ll save you the visit to ChatGPT... apparently, there’s no conclusive evidence that sans-serif fonts are better.
You’re next, Papyrus…
> Coca-Cola taps COO Henrique Braun to replace James Quincey as CEO in 2026 (CNBC) Huge news for every insufferable person who has made Diet Coke their entire personality.
> YouTube TV to launch new slimmer subscription bundles, including sports plan (NY Post) Did YouTube just invent cable?
> Top.
+ US stocks “rallied on Wednesday after the Federal Reserve cut rates by 25 basis points in its final policy decision of the year, while Chair Jerome Powell expressed confidence about the trajectory of inflation and of growth in the US economy.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “moved lower on Wednesday after the Federal Reserve delivered its third straight interest rate cut.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “edged higher Wednesday, buoyed by a sharp drop in U.S. crude stocks as traders awaited a potential rate cut by the Federal Reserve as well as further news about Ukraine peace talks.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 95% chance that Wicked: For Good will gross more on its opening weekend than Avatar: Fire and Ash. And say what you will about the Avatar movies, but are we really as a society going to let this happen to James Cameron? (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ We got the Fed’s rate cut decision and a J-Poww presser as the FOMC meeting wrapped
+ Chewy and Uranium Energy dropped earnings before the bell
+ Oracle, Adobe, Synopsys, and Planet Labs reported after hours
+ Electronic Arts shareholders voted on the $55B leveraged buyout offer from Saudi Arabia's Public Investment Fund
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Ciena reports before the bell
+ Broadcom, Costco, Lululemon, and RH report after the bell
Yesterday, I asked, “Are we still telling the kids to go to college when they grow up or nah?”
43.2% of you said, “Probably. Even with the cost they're still better off with a degree.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Probably. Even with the cost they're still better off with a degree: “Most state school tuitions are still under $10k and college sports will always be a great networking conversation.”
Hell no. Tell them to go learn a trade that robots can't do: “Speaking from someone with a degree yet still wound up in the trade. Project management is a real nice gig.”
Other: “Depending on their dreams... College is still necessary for physicians, lawyers, engineers, etc... BUT anything else? Travel for 2 years and then get your a$$ to work!”
Other: “Join the military. It’s a cheat code for life.”
College is a non-negotiable: “Happiest days of my life. Law school, not as much.”
Here’s today’s question…
You can only use one font for the rest of your life in every document from/associated with you (think: work, school, love letter, wedding invite, notes in the kid's lunchbox, divorce papers). What font are you picking?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.