Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Tesla and Google got rekt for making it rain, American Airlines is Debbie Downer, and Zuck wants you to love VR AI now.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Spend dat
Nancy Pelosi wasn’t the only loser yesterday…
Alphabet $GOOG ( ▼ 6.89% ) and Tesla $TSLA ( ▼ 14.52% ) stonks got dunked on bigly as markets brought the FO to their FA.
ICYMI, 28.5% of the Mag 7 reported earnings on Wednesday, but no one was looking at the top and bottom lines.
(For the record, TSLA exceeded expectations on revenue but missed on the bottom line. Oh, and Alphabet had similar results. Think: beating on revenue thanks to an 82% cloud spike, but underachieving on earnings per share.)
“So where’s all that revenue going, Tyler?” -you, probably, being bad at math, potentially
Well, thing is, Alphabet (not the soup) raised its capex forecast to $195-205B (with a B).
And The Boring (car) Co. is planning over $25B in bubble-spending AI spend this year too…
Point is, when it comes to negative free cash flow…
Anyway, Tesla shares were down over 14% yesterday with Google at a respectable -7%…
Zuck could put your business in a body bag at any moment
Let’s set the scene: Zuck is having a bad day. Maybe someone brought up Cambridge Analytica. Or perhaps an intern used the last of the Sweet Baby Rays in the cafeteria. Either way, he’s all sorts of butthurt.
So he throws the billionaire equivalent of a temper tantrum: shift the Instagram algorithm. Think: free reach dries up. Businesses are decimated overnight. Organic reach plummets. Chaos ensues.
Turns out there’s a way to protect against this sort of f*ckery: stop renting your audience… and start owning it with a newsletter.
If you’ve been thinking about a newsletter, there probably isn’t a better time to get your sh*t together.
This summer I’m taking on a handful of done-for-you newsletter clients. B2B and finance brands are where we can provide the most value.
You bring the expertise. We handle everything else...
Strategy: We align on your business goals, audience, and editorial direction
Editorial: We learn your voice and turn your expertise into a must-read newsletter every week that drives engagement (and straight cash, homie)
Infrastructure: ESP setup, deliverability, welcome sequences, list hygiene
Reporting: Monthly numbers, plus what to actually do about them
I'm keeping this small on purpose. I want to work closely with every client, which means there are only a few spots available.
If you've been thinking about starting a newsletter or fixing the one you have, hit reply or book a call.
BTW, if you know someone looking for newsletter help, I’d love an intro. If you make an intro that leads to a call, I'll Venmo you $100, and if we land a client because of your intro, I'll send you $1k (yes, seriously).
+ Un-American (Airlines)
American Airlines $AAL ( ▼ 8.35% ) is filling the void Elizabeth Warren Spirit left behind of being the most pathetic airline in the United States of Air-Monopoly.
Yesterday, the Arby’s of airlines cut its 2026 outlook while whining about our long national nightmare pursuit of freedom in the Middle East aka the Iran War pumping up fuel costs.
‘merican said shareholders could look forward to an adjusted loss per share of up to 65 cents OR earnings per share of 65 cents, which, pretty stark difference isn’t it?
Share price, understandably, tanked 8%.
+ Data centers aren’t real… they can’t hurt you…
Meanwhile, data centers:
You may say he’s a dreamer, but Zuck really, really wants everyone to be super chill about AI despite it being the leading reason for layoffs for the last four months...
Yesterday, the original humanoid data center posted a video from the Meta propaganda PR team pushing back against “AI doomerism.” Apparently, that’s just the start of Meta’s new optimistic AI campaign.
Markets didn’t give a flying f*ck. Shares were down bad yesterday at Meta.
+ Houth-ese nuts…
So… yesterday oil prices hit a cool $100 a barrel for the first time since May after Houthis reportedly attacked ships in the Red Sea.
ICYDK, prices were already up bad as Donny Diplomacy and the big brains in Tehran were struggling to get along for the past… week or so.
Turns out, now we’ve gotta be worried about another shipping route, the Bab el-Mandeb Strait. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
> US Initial Jobless Claims Fall to Lowest Level Since 1969 // And they said we’d all be replaced by AI, which, [Claude, insert hilarious joke here before sending TWC make no mistakes]
> Trump to slap ‘sweeping’ new tariffs on 60 trade partners as global duties expire // Liberation Day lite.
> (Wednesday) OpenAI cyber models broke out of training environment to hack Hugging Face // …
> (Wednesday) Bloodbath at Disney as mass layoffs hit, with animation movie giant being gutted // Toy Story 6 boutta be AI slop.
> (Wednesday) Amazon founder Jeff Bezos in talks to join bid for 30% stake in Liverpool FC: report // Post-Seahawks consolation shopping.
> (Tuesday) $100M New Jersey deli fraudster James Patten sentenced to 21 months in prison // This legend walked so Jersey Mike’s could run.
> (Tuesday) Novo Nordisk Says It’s Suing Eli Lilly Over Weight-Loss Ads // If you can’t beat them…
On Tuesday, I asked, “This is bound to be divisive. Which is your Jersey Mike’s order? (And tell me which sub)”
65% of you said, “Cold.” Correct, obviously.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Cold: “If you’re not ordering an Italian Sandwitch Mike’s Way, you should be at Firehouse Subs, you filthy profligate.” Tell us how you really feel.
Hot: “The Philly sandwich’s with chicken is awesome. It’s like Philadelphia without the crime.” Gentriphied.
Cold: “If it ain’t from Quiznos, I don’t want it toasted.” I miss it every day.
Cold: “Dudes that order it ‘hot’ probably sit down to pee too.” They just like to be comfy.
Hot: “I actually order both and have it on the way right now! Both in bowls - chicken cheesesteak and tuna!” Bowls? Bruh…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Sad day for Chick-fil-A’s most loyal customers (RIP your personal info). Here’s what I want to know…
What's your personal data-to-discount risk aversion level?
+ US stocks rose Tuesday (S&P 500: +0.9%) as semis and another round of earnings beats let investors look past the Middle East, slipped Wednesday (S&P 500: -0.1%) ahead of Alphabet and Tesla results, then got hammered Thursday (S&P 500: -1.2%) when those AI spending outlooks spooked everyone and oil blew past $100. Down bad. Real bad.
+ The 10-year yield rose all three days, climbing to 4.63% Tuesday, higher again Wednesday on Fed policy handicapping, then hitting its highest level since January 2025 Thursday as $100 oil stoked inflation fears and jobless claims dropped below 200k.
+ Oil gained nearly 2% Tuesday on fresh US-Iran attacks and Houthi blockade threats, rose again Wednesday after Trump threatened Iranian bridges and power plants, then surged Thursday on Houthi tanker attacks in the Red Sea, with oil crossing $100 for the first time since May. Woof.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks Andrew Tate’s odds of being released from custody this year are only 29%, yikes. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing…
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