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Hey there weekday warriors,
Do you smell that? It’s the sweet, sweet aroma of a soft landing.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 47 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “soared on Friday as investors welcomed a key monthly jobs report that showed hiring remains robust in the US economy.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “jumped Friday as investors digested a better-than-expected September jobs report.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “rose on Friday and settled with their biggest weekly gains in over a year on the mounting threat of a region-wide war in the Middle East, although gains were limited as U.S. President Joe Biden discouraged Israel from targeting Iranian oil facilities.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin made moves (upward) Friday and into the weekend as investors digested the much-better-than-expected jobs report.
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla +3.9% 2) Nvidia +1.6% 3) C3.ai +4.5%
The market moves you need to know about…
+ A&F continues to be the only beacon of hope for malls around America. Shares are up 165% in the past year amidst a turnaround of epic proportions. And the stock got more love from JPMorgan on Friday. Analysts pointed out that Abercrombie-owned Hollister is in the early innings of a turnaround. Shares popped 9.1% on the day.
– The DOJ is dancing on Spirit’s grave. Following the Justice Department’s successful campaign to block its merger with JetBlue, Spirit’s stock has been under pressure. But now it’s death spiraling. Shares plummeted 24.5% on Friday following a WSJ article that hinted Spirit was on the ropes and considering bankruptcy protection.
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So soft
J-Poww is about to hit everyone with the Jordan shrug…
Why? Because this man (er, God?) is about to pull off the unthinkable: a soft landing.
And I’ve got receipts
We already know inflation is in free fall. See: September PCE data. In fact, prices aren’t even J-Poww’s biggest concern anymore. Jobs are.
And on Friday, the Department of Labor dropped the Nvidia earnings report of employment data. According to the Labor Department’s September analysis, the US added 254k jobs.
That’s 100k more jobs than expected. And well above the 142k jobs reported in August.
To be fair, if the August BLS revision (think: “Our bad… we were off by 818k jobs”) is any indication, the number is probably about as accurate as Enron’s financials circa 1999.
What does it all mean?
Well, for starters, there’s almost no chance we get another 50 basis point rate cut.
That’s because we don’t need fat rate cuts when the economy is firing on all cylinders (… or at least not screaming “recession”).
It’s probably too soon for J-Poww to declare total victory, but all signs point towards a soft landing. That is, until we get economic data that changes everyone’s mind…
+ Bah gawd, that’s Starboard’s music…
The activist investor looked at Pfizer (+0.8%) and said, ‘I can fix him.’ Starboard has reportedly taken a $1B stake in the company, recruited the big pharma’s ex-CEO and CFO, and said “I’d like to speak to the manager.”
Starboard has taken the opportunity to buy the f*cking dip. PFE is down ~4% YTD and has lost nearly half its value since hitting its all-time high in 2022. Woof.
Turns out, Pfizer may have misjudged just how eager the humans of planet Earth were to keep getting ‘rona boi jabs. It probably doesn't help that Pfizer’s first weight loss drug candidate turned out to be about as effective as gas station b*ner pills.
It isn’t entirely clear what Starboard’s list of demands will be, but I’d start polishing my LinkedIn if I were a Pfizer employee on a performance improvement plan…
+ The Guillemot family just went all “up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A” (the real ones know)…
You see, the Guillemot clan is Ubisoft’s (+30.7%) founding family (read: they still own ~20% of the company). And, on Friday they tipped off the press about Bloomberg reported on a potential deal to take the French game maker private. Shares jumped more than 30%.
The first family of the French video game industry (to be fair, they’re the only family…) is reportedly considering teaming up with Tencent to take the struggling studio private. Tencent owns ~10% of the company.
+ Rivian (-3.1%) just slashed its 2024 delivery guidance from ‘sad’ to ‘pathetic’…
After reporting that it missed its Q3 delivery estimates, the company lowered expectations for the remainder of the year. RIVN expects to deliver just 49k whips vs. 57k. The company blamed a “production disruption”… which really just means “no one wants our stupid-looking EVs.”
+ Asking this 1 question can get people to trust you, says bestselling author. “If I show you mine first, will you show me yours?”
+ Jeff Bezos claims a one-hour ritual led to his success - now science says he's right. I call bullsh*t… I spend 5 hours a day doing this and my net worth is still 4-figures…
+ With this Google tool, you can make a show about any topic you could possibly imagine. The hosts aren’t human. You won’t believe your ears. The future is now.
🔥 Sydney Sweeney doesn’t think she’ll ‘ever feel comfortable’ financially. Same, Syd. And, yes, I only chose this because I know you’re going to click on it for the images.
🤷 Whoops, broken link on Friday… Mark Cuban got drunk and spent $125k on this. I get drunk and buy two Domino’s pizzas for myself.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ On Friday, we got the September jobs report
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ A 3-day Nvidia conference gets underway. Think: Coachella but with GPUs and virgins.
Friday, I asked, “You just met someone. You asked their name. How long until you ask them 'so what do you do for a living?'”
43.5% of you said, "I never ask unless it comes up naturally." And I'm pretty sure you all are lying. "One of the first few questions" came in second.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Never ask: "And I 100% base my friendship choices on how prematurely the person brings up their own success in life." Even if they’re rich and have a boat or a pool?
One of the first few: "Always networking" Weird, you haven't connected with me on LinkedIn.
Never ask: “I don’t budge. Nobody cares that you work in private equity Hunter”
One of the first few: "And I hate myself for it, but what else is there to talk about when you know nothing about someone. All I have going on in life is work and my kids. 'What’s your favorite Blippi episode?' has to be more shameful than 'what do you do for work?'"
Never ask: "I think it's crude when folks ask me that question right off the bat. IMO, asking what I do for a living doesn't show you have any interest in ME--just what I can bring to your table." So... what do you do?
Usually don't talk shop the first time: "I don't care about my own job let alone someone elses. Whatever they do afforded them to be at the same place as me, so unless I am working an angle, it's likely not coming up. If I need small talk I'll just ramble about how I hate Sundays and the Eagles being ass"
And here’s today’s questions…
Does Lightning McQueen (the anthropomorphic race car from the hit movie 'Cars') need health insurance, life insurance, or car insurance?
Oh, and…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.