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Hey there weekday warriors,
Just a heads up that next week, TWC is getting a refresh. Same content… slightly different look.
Here’s what’s on tap today… MrBeast buys into the teenage finance wasteland, Alphabet issues 100-year bonds, and Novo Nordisk just can’t maintain any lead.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 51 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Smells like teen finance
It’s called diversification, look it up.
MrBeast, aka Jimmy Donaldson, is joining the ranks of the (teenage) fintech elite.
Yes, this MrBeast. Jimmy’s company, Beast Industries, just acquired Step, a banking app specializing in teen finance.
In case you’re not currently a teenager (or the proud owner of one… not in the Epstein way), Step offers an “all-in-one” money management app for the privileged youth (think: savings accounts, credit-building Visa cards, and cash advances).
Terms of the deal weren’t disclosed, BUT we do know that in 2022, Step raised $500M in equity and debt with a valuation around $920M.
Meanwhile, Beast Industries was valued at $5B in its latest funding round… which, wait, really?
Friendly reminder that Beast Industries already has a food business, Feastables, a failed burger business, MrBeast Burger, and plans to become a phone service provider.
Can’t wait for the next season of Beast Games: Savers vs. Spenders…
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🛑 You certainly don’t have to click on the link above to check out Wispr Flow… BUT it’d be a lot cooler if you did. You see ads keep the lights on at TWC. So supporting sponsors is the best way to support TWC.
+ “Those are rookie numbers in this racket.” -Jared from Subway, probably
A Meta $META ( ▲ 0.32% ) whistleblower estimated that there could be up to 500k cases of “online sexual exploitation” per day on Facebook and Instagram...
Friendly reminder that while you were busy enjoying the Super Bowl and the Winter Olympics, Zuck’s been dodging bullets on trial in New Mexico, defending Meta from charges that social media is ruining childrens’ lives (which, fair).
NM’s AG cited an internal email from Meta exec Malia Andrus in June 2020 that claimed online pervs were targeting “~500k victims per DAY in English markets only.” So if predator-flation has kept up, those numbers gotta be way higher now…
+ Quick moment of appreciation for a time when music videos used to be this fire.
Alphabet $GOOGL ( ▼ 0.19% ) pulled a quick Five For Fighting (think: planning in 100-year increments). Sundar is selling a rare (think: first-edition Charizard) 100-year bond as part of its fat debt issue. In case you’re forgetting, that hasn’t been attempted since Motorola did it back in 1997. You know… right before the dot-com bubble.
It makes sense considering Google is planning for $185B of AI capex this year…
+ Novo musta forgot to check with the lawyers first. Classic Saul Goodman move.
The FDA just found a new way to spoil Novo Nordisk’s $NVO ( ▼ 2.62% ) redemption tour. Despite being the only GLP-1 pill on the market (suck it, Hims $HIMS ( ▼ 0.32% )), Novo will have to yank its ads for violating federal law with “false or misleading” claims.
Turns out, drug pushers makers aren’t allowed to say phrases like “live lighter” or “a way forward,” as they imply better weight loss than other products on the market. In other news, being a big pharma marketer must be a brutal existence…
Congrats on your 0.01% APY. Don’t spend it all in one place.
There are savings accounts paying up to 4.21% APY (that's 10x the national average for the record). Yours just isn’t one of them.
Move your idle cash somewhere that it's actually working for you… without all the worries. You'll always have access to your straight cash, homie… and you don't have to deal with all the volatility of the markets.
Spoiler: TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. Hint, hint.
> Sydney Sweeney rings NYSE opening bell amid renewed buzz over divisive American Eagle jeans ad (NY Post) // Yes, I only posted this for the clicks. No, I’m not sorry.
> Target steps up investment in store staffing, cuts about 500 other roles to help fix customer experience (CNBC) // Hear me out: Amazon buys Target for its retail footprint and puts Walmart in a body bag
> Eddie Bauer operator files for bankruptcy — with hundreds of stores at risk of closing (NY Post) // No one (read: everyone) saw that one coming
> AppLovin’s stock pops 14% after short seller CapitalWatch apologizes, retracts report on shareholder (CNBC) // We’re sorry…
> JPMorgan workers fear ‘career suicide’ for defying Jamie Dimon’s return-to-office order: report (CNBC) // WFH is dead, and we killed it.
> Bring back better Super Bowl ads…
Yesterday, I asked, “Football is over. Do you give a damn about the Olympics at all?”
44.8% of you said, “It's good background TV.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
It's good background TV: “With the exception of hockey. I will be seated for the hockey.” Traitor identified.
Yes, the Olympics rule: “Have you seen the women's skeleton? Go watch the women's skeleton. Thank me later.” BONK. Go directly to horny jail.
Just for curling: “Love a sport dominated by middle aged men and women chasing glory.” Agreed. Excluding breakdancing, it’s the one chance the average person has for Olympic glory.
I don't give a damn about the Olympics: “They’ve gone too far with their platform. They are there because of the sacrifice of family and this great country and then they open their mouth and ruin it! WTF!!!! ” Tell us what you really think…
It's good background TV: “If the “crotch scandal” doesn’t get you going nothing will.” I did not have going directly from the Epstein scandal to Pen*s-gate on my 2026 BINGO card.
Here’s today’s question(s)…”
The year is 2036. Elon calls and offers you a spot as a part of the new Lunar colony. You can take your immediate family with you, but no one/nothing else. Your needs will be met and you must grow the colony. You going?
+ US stocks “rose on Monday, continuing a bounce back from a turbulent week that ended with the Dow closing above 50,000 for the first time, as investors face another busy schedule of earnings and economic data.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “was little changed to begin the week as investors looked ahead to a flurry of economic data, including the delayed January jobs report.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled more than 1% higher on Monday after the U.S. Department of Transportation issued an advisory to U.S.-flagged vessels to stay as far as possible from Iranian territory while passing through the Strait of Hormuz and Gulf of Oman.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) now let you bet on where the price of Bitcoin will be every 15 minutes, which feels… unnecessary. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Monday.com and Pagaya reported before the bell
+ ON Semiconductor and Amkor dropped earnings after hours
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Spotify, Coca-Cola, Oscar Health, Datadog, Ferrari, S&P Global, Fiserv, CVS Health, BP, Marriott, Duke Energy, Jumia, AstraZeneca, and Dupont De Nemours report before the bell
+ Robinhood, Cloudflare, Astera Labs, Lyft, Upstart, Ford, Centrus Energy, Gilead Sciences, and Zillow Group report after hours
+ The January Retail Sales report will drop
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of a guy with a Nano Banana account and a wild imagination. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.