Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Disney sure didn’t do its new CEO any favors, Iran just doesn’t feel like saying yes (yet), and Meta needs better lawyers.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Slop down
Bit of a rough start…
Real life Tom Wambsgans (read: Disney’s $DIS ( ▼ 0.46% ) new CEO, Josh D’Amaro) has gotta be rethinking his life choices right about now.
The new Chief Disney Adult has only been king of the castle for a few days, and he’s already taken Ls on multiple billion-dollar deals.
Just imagine the sh*t eating grin on Dana Walden’s face right about now…
First, Bachelorette fans were let down bigly after ABC had to cancel its new season thanks to Taylor Frankie Paul being exposed as a crazy b… domestic abuser.
Then, on Tuesday, Epic Games threw Disney a curveball after cutting 1k jobs when its latest Fortnite updates displeased middle schoolers everywhere. (Friendly reminder: the HoM is $1.5B deep in its Epic Games bet…)
Now, the corporation that dared to do this to the Rock is dealing with another stonk dip after its three-year partnership with OpenAI completely fell apart.
“Oh no, I was so excited to use Sora to make my favorite characters come to life.” - Disney adults today, probably
In case you missed it, OpenAI came out of nowhere and announced it was shutting down Sora… presumably after SammyGPT realized how much of a lead Anthropic has been building.
Now Joshy D. will need a new partner for any AI content generation plans (which, sup, Elon).
Hard to blame OpenAI for killing Sora when you consider this…
Brain-Boosting Hearing Innovation
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+ Oil shortage detected, ceasefire rejected.
Iran went all “hard pass” yesterday to a ceasefire deal. Oh, and they dropped their own demands for the end of the war (spoiler: we’re so going to say no back).
Donny Ceasefire has been floating the concept of a joint-controlled Strait of Hormuz, but the leftover big brains in Tehran are thinking more about demanding reparations for the damages of the war. Still, it does look like #47 and Iran are at least attempting to get in the same room.
Which is good news for the millennials out there…
+ You lose some, you lose some.
Meta $META ( ▲ 0.33% ) just took another legal L, and this time Google $GOOGL ( ▲ 0.17% ) (think: YouTube) has to pay up too…
Yesterday, an LA jury handed down the verdict that Zuck and Sundar were negligent in informing users of the dangers of addiction and mental health-related harm involved with their platforms.
Friendly reminder that on Tuesday, Meta got slapped on the wrist by the state of New Mexico to the tune of $375M in damages. But this LA case is gonna cost… brace yourselves… a whopping $3M in damages. Did I mention it’s a 70/30 split on the bill between Meta and YouTube?
+ More bad news for the Metaverse…
Yes, there’s more. Turns out Meta took the opportunity yesterday to lay off a few hundred employees companywide as it retools for the new (non-VR) era.
Pink slips went out to workers at Facebook, global ops, sales, and, obviously, the VR division formerly known as Reality Labs. Rest easy, friends…
“Surely AI won’t be a bubble like VR, right? Right?” - Zuck, probably
Rumor has it JetBlue $JBLU ( ▲ 13.37% ) is looking to get back on the market. The will they, won’t they airline has reportedly been working with advisors to discuss the viability of a sale to another airline.
Friendly reminder that Spirit $SAVEQ ( ▲ 0.43% ) is currently punching drywall… probably.
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> Musk’s xAI ‘Doubling Down’ on AI Videos After OpenAI Nixes Sora (Bloomberg) // Imagine Disney ends up with Elon after leaving Sam…
> Space stocks rally on reports of SpaceX’s imminent IPO filing (CNBC) // Rising tide lifts all (space)ships.
> Trump administration waives gasoline regulations to address surging fuel prices (CNBC) // “Sweet” - no one’s lungs
> Is this the end of Labubu?
Yesterday I asked, “What is the absolute best Costco item?”
33.5% of you said, “THE hot dog.” But rotisserie chicken was a close 2nd.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
THE hot dog: “Nothing is even close. $1.50 for a dog and Coke has been the same price for over 40 years. Can you think of anything else you can buy that hasn't had a price change in that period of time? I'll wait...” Your mom.
Other (write-in): “Kirkland golfballs! Titleist who?" A golfer of culture, I see.
Paper products: “Kirkland Signature Flushable Wipes." Dude, just admit you’re afraid to install a bidet like a pro pooper.
Rotisserie chicken: “Everyone is going to say the hot dog, but real ones know if you want to hit your protein goal, you gotta go with that rotisserie." Arnold, that you?
Other (write-in): “Kirkland liquor...Grey Goose and Elijah Craig overruns with the KS label...yet I still have to buy one bottle of the real thing so I can refill it with KS to keep up appearances/not look quite as poor as I really am.” Diabolical.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
I need to understand something critical about how we feel about Disney... Would you ever go to Disney WITHOUT kids? (Explain yourself)
+ US stocks “rose and oil prices and bond yields dropped on Wednesday, on hopes that the U.S. and Iran are progressing toward a peace deal. Investors' optimism was reflected in the MSCI All Country equity index clocking its biggest rise in six weeks.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “fell sharply on Wednesday as investors watched for a possible end to the conflict in the Middle East.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “slid about 2% on Wednesday after paring deeper losses earlier in the trading session, as Iran reviewed a U.S. proposal to end the war that has disrupted global energy flows from the Persian Gulf.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks the most likely amount of tornadoes to plow through the US in April is around 170-199 (41%). (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ PDD Holdings, Chewy, Cintas, and Paychex reported before the bell
+ Beyond Meat and Jefferies dropped earnings after the bell
+ Starbucks held its annual meeting
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Pony AI and Lovesac report before the bell
+ Argan drops earnings after the close
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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