TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on the agenda today…
Howard Stern is back (I think?), the Treasury Secretary is an absolute menace, and the Murdochs’ real-life ‘Succession’ drama comes to an end (for now).
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 45 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who says things like “I miss the old Howard Stern.” If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.
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Siriusly?
I had to see this GIF, and now you do too.
What an epic fall from grace for the “King of All Media”…
In the 90s, Howard Stern would have 20M people tune in to hear him have little people p*rn stars wrestle in baked beans for the opportunity to give Artie Lange a blumpkin…
Yesterday, he had the host of the Real Housewives reunions play a prank on his listeners.
Rumors have been swirling that SiriusXM $SIRI ( ▲ 2.58% ) was not going to re-sign Stern, who was making $100M per year. Reports indicated it was partially because he had gone woke… but mostly because no one listened to him anymore (potentially because he had gone woke).
Last Monday, when the shock jock was expected to come back from “summer break” (Joe Rogan would never), he suddenly announced that he was delaying his return by a week. This sent the rumor mill into overdrive. And, yesterday, for a few minutes, it seemed like it was true that Howard and SiriusXM had gone their separate ways…
The Stern show kicked off with Andy Cohen (yes, the Bravo guy) in his seat. Cohen proceeded to claim he was taking over for Stern.
Then, like 10 minutes later, Howard showed up and said “sike!” in what will go down as the saddest attempt at relevance in the host’s long and illustrious career (and that’s saying a lot considering some of the unhinged things he’s done for attention).
Although it was all a publicity stunt (that caught CNBC off guard), Howard later clarified that he hasn’t actually signed a new contract yet. His deal with Sirius expires at the end of this year.
WTF does it mean for us?
Well, Robin Quivers saw her shadow… so (presumably) 5 more years of Howard Stern on SiriusXM…
… which is news is great for Howard (even if he doesn’t get re-upped at $100M per year) and the handful of Stern fans who can’t figure out what a podcast is and are too afraid to ask at this point. But what about SiriusXM shareholders?
The “radio on internet” (sup Russ Hanneman) provider has watched as a steady stream of users leave for paid streaming platforms (like Spotify) and free alternatives (think: YouTube… perhaps you’ve heard of it?). Exhibit A: Sirius reported 5.7M paying users in the most recent quarter, while Spotify boasts more than 250M.
Why do hangovers last 2-3 business days after (approx.) 27 years old?
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+ Tell me someone in Weight Watcher’s marketing department thinks you’re fat AND old without telling me…
The GLP-1 slinger formerly known as Weight Watchers $WW ( ▲ 0.37% ), which recently emerged from bankruptcy, just tapped Queen Latifah for its new ads. The rapper’s commercial focuses on weight loss for menopausal women. And since I know you were wondering, yes, Nelly’s ‘Hot in Herre’ makes an appearance.
+ Today in things I never thought I’d write: “what a great day to be a Boost Mobile customer…”
SpaceX just bought up $17B worth of wireless spectrum licenses from EchoStar $ECHO ( ▲ 0.04% ) (just in case you still weren’t convinced Elon was on the spectrum). The deal gives Starlink access to much-needed 5G connectivity. Probably just a coincidence that Elon snitched on EchoStar for not deploying 5G effectively, which was enough to get the FCC to apply pressure. You might recall that EchoStar also sold some of its spectrum licenses to AT&T last week.
So, how does Boost Mobile fit in?
Welp… EchoStar owns Boost Mobile. And as part of the deal, the “discount mobile provider” will get access to the Starlink network. The news sent shares of other carriers tumbling. Your move, Cricket Wireless…
+ Janet Yellen would never…
According to two sources, last week, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent threatened to punch the director of the Federal Housing Finance Agency, Bill Pulte, “in the f*cking face.”
Bessent and Pulte have differing opinions on the direction of the Fed and Fannie/Freddie, among other things. It appears that Pulte talked smack about Bessent to POTUS, leading the Secretary to wonder, “Why the f*ck are you talking to the president about me? F*ck you.”
Friendly reminder: Bessent and Elon reportedly nearly came to blows earlier this year. And if Bessent isn’t on the undercard for the White House UFC event, it will be a national tragedy.
+ “I love you, but you are not serious people.” - Rupert Murdoch to his kids not named Lachlan
Unlike the HBO variety, real-life ‘Succession’ ended with the eldest boy taking over the family business.
A long legal battle for the future of Rupert Murdoch’s media empire between his four kids ended yesterday. Lachlan, Rupert’s favorite (see: political views), will get the keys to the kingdom, and each of his 3 siblings will exit the biz with consolation prizes (read: $1B each). And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the stuff daddy issues are made of…
+ StubHub is ready to take its talents (mostly overcharging for tickets and scheming up onerous new fees and charges) to the public markets as soon as next week. A new filing said the ticket scalping platform will raise as much as $851M at a $9.2B valuation.
+ US stocks “moved higher on Monday as investors set their sights on inflation data later this week to provide a reality check on the chances of a jumbo interest-rate cut next week.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “slid on Monday as investors look toward key inflation data due later in the week.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled higher on Monday, recovering some of last week’s losses, after producer group OPEC+ opted for a modest output hike and investors priced in the possibility of more sanctions on Russian crude.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 17% chance the Fed cuts by 50 basis points this month. That’s up 8 percentage points in the past 24 hours. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Planet Labs reported before the bell
+ Casey’s reported after hours
+ McDonald's launched its revived Extra Value Meals across the US
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Oracle Corp, GameStop, Synopsys, Rubrik, and AeroVironment report after the close
+ Apple will hold its "Awe Dropping" event (read: we’ll see the iPhone 17)
Yesterday, I asked, “How long would you go without showering if you got $10k per day?”
24.8% of you said “2 weeks.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
2 weeks: “I've never called BS harder than the shocking percentage of people saying 10+ weeks”
10+ weeks: “Yeah, sign me up for the Money! I was in the Army and deployed early in a theater of ops, so no showers and only enough water to drink. Also, this was the to the Middle East, so any and all water you drink comes out as sweat real quick. Also Also, I am a Tanker, so my crew and I lived together pretty tight!”
10+ weeks: “$3.65M a year to walk around in a hat and smelling like Axe? Sign me up for at least 5 years”
1 week: “You forgot to add that you have to be over the age of 18. 10+ weeks is nothing to a teenager.”
Here’s today’s question…
Some ground rules…
No prep or studying
No cheating
You're put in a room and forced to take the most recent academic test you had to take. If you get a 70%, you get $1M. If you get below a 70% you have to retake the class. You taking that deal?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.