Here’s what we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 35 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “rose Tuesday as the Federal Reserve kicked off its two-day policy meeting. Traders also kept an eye on Nvidia following key announcements from the tech giant.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “slightly lower Tuesday as the two-day Federal Reserve meeting kicked off" (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “rose to multi-month highs for the second straight session on Tuesday as traders assessed how Ukraine's recent attacks on Russian refineries would affect global petroleum supplies.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “tumbled Tuesday as a correction across digital assets following Bitcoin’s all-time high last week.” (Barron’s)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +1.0% 2) C3.ai -2.6% 3) TSMC -1.3%

The market moves you need to know about…

– Planet Fitness is having a Bud Light moment. There are growing calls for a boycott after the “judgement free zone” suspended a member who reported a transgender member shaving in the women’s locker room. PLNT fell 5.4%.

+ Nordstrom rose 9.3% on news that the Nordstrom family had engaged Morgan Stanley to test the private equity waters.

– MicroStrategy lives by the Bitcoin and dies by the Bitcoin. So, it probably shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that on a day when crypto got put in a body bag, MSTR fell 5.6%.

Satya is out here rounding up AI talent like Pokémon…

Just a few months after hiring OpenAI co-founders Sam Altman and Greg Brockman (briefly) made another massive personnel move. Microsoft (+0.9%) announced yesterday that it plans to bring on Mustafa Suleyman to lead its AI initiatives. He’ll report directly to Satya.

The goal will be for Suleyman to consolidate and oversee all of the company’s consumer-facing AI products. Think: Copilot, Bing… and whatever the f*ck LinkedIn is trying to do.

I’ll spare you the LinkedIn search…

If Sam Altman is the LeBron of AI, Mustafa is the MJ.

Mustafa founded Deepmind, which was acquired by Google back in 2014. Read: he is an AI OG.

After a stint at Google, Suleyman co-founded Inflection AI (for good measure, Microsoft also poached Inflection’s other co-founder and chief scientist).

In case you were wondering just what kind of savage MSFT is getting in Suleyman, Inflection raised $1.3B at a $4B valuation back in June. And its investors include Bill Gates…

Imagine the size of the bag this guy just got to walk away from that.

Tyler’s take… It’s easy to forget that Microsoft and OpenAI aren’t actually the same company. But a number of MSFT’s recent moves (including this one) are a friendly reminder that it’s not just hoping to ride Sam Altman’s coattails…

Last month it invested $16M in Mistral, the OpenAI of France. And, the move to gut Inflection by poaching its top talent is a sign that MSFT has yuge AI ambitions internally. Spoiler: Inflection is (was?) also an OpenAI competitor.

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+ Super Micro Computer (-8.9%) is pulling an AMC. Read: it’s trying to capitalize on its success by selling shares (not the whole meme stock/being a crappy company thing)…

The server maker which rode Nvidia’s coattails to inclusion in the S&P 500 decided to sell 2M brand new shares. The goal? To raise a ton of cash, of course. But it appears investor appetite wasn’t exactly what they were hoping for…

SMCI had planned to sell the shares before the open on Wednesday but ended up pumping the brakes. Now, it’s hoping to sell shares… potentially at a discount.

Current investors liked the move about as much as Elon likes Don Lemon. SMCI announcing the plan to dilute current shareholders sent the stonk down 8.9%.

+ The Force is not with Nelson Peltz. George Lucas, the creator of Star Wars (and one of the largest Disney shareholders) just backed Disney (+0.5%) in its proxy fight against Nelson Peltz’s Trian Management.

The two sides are expected to spend as much as $70M battling for control of the board. And things aren’t looking so hot for Nelson right now. In addition to Lucas, Disney has the support of Walt Disney’s brother and proxy adviser Glass-Lewis.

+ Unilever just hit its ice cream biz with the “it’s not me, it’s you.” The CPG giant will spin out its ice cream brands including Ben & Jerry’s, Magnum, Popsicle, and Klondike… and plus-sized portfolio managers just found their new favorite publicly traded company.

The move isn’t entirely surprising. Ice cream was Unilever’s (+2.7%) slowest-growing category. Plus, Ben & Jerry’s, which has an independent board, has been a huge pain in the a** as of late. It actually sued Unilever in 2022 after the holding company sold off the ice cream maker’s Israel biz.

+ ESPN just reminded everyone why it’s the “worldwide leader.” The network just inked a $7.8B extension to maintain the rights to the College Football Playoff through 2031. Fox and Warner Bros. are probably so fired up right now…

+ Great news if you’ve never heard of fractional shares… Chipotle (+4.9% after hours) just approved a 50-for-1 stock split. The stock currently trades around $2.8k, so the split could make it more palatable for some investors. The news, which, in theory, shouldn’t have impacted the stock at all, sent shares up nearly 5% after hours.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Micron, General Mills, Five Below, and Chewy report

+ Broadcom hosts an investor meeting to discuss AI. You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.

+ Reddit will price its IPO

+ But the only thing that really matters is the Fed’s rate decision and J-Poww’s post-FOMC presser

Yesterday I asked, “What’s the best NFL viewing experience?”

You guys prefer being at home. And it wasn’t even really close.

Here’s today’s question…

The list of Don Lemon’s demands to bring his talents to Twitter/X is quickly becoming the stuff of legend. It allegedly included asking for a ride on a SpaceX shuttle so he could record the first podcast from space. So…

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional