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Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Nvidia is literally never going to die, CrowdStrike is basically the new AI fun police, and Canada just lost one of its big lakes, because FAFO.
Now, enjoy the next 3 minutes and 41 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Prove them Huang
Nvidia bears every quarter:
ICYMI, Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 8.74% ) dropped earnings late Wednesday, and…
They did that thing where they more than double revenue…
*Michael Burry has left the chat*
Quick recap: Obi Huang whipped out a big swingin’ top and bottom line beat (think: $96.2B revenue and $2.22 EPS).
Oh, and just to add insult to injury for the bears, CFO Colette Kress expects 70% revenue growth for 2028, which, holy sh*t.
Friendly reminder: Nvidia stonk always falls the day after earnings (like, for the last 4 quarters straight, even if they beat.)
Streak ended.
Stonk went brrr yesterday and pulled the tech market with it.
But wait, there’s more…
Apparently, the Huang Dynasty went shopping and landed the AI platform Hugging Face for a cool $12.9B. You know, the guys who got hacked by Scam Altman.
“I can fix her” - Jensen, probably
Manufacturing Legend Backs Greenfield Robotics
Howard Dahl spent decades building the machines that feed America. His family invented the Bobcat skid steer. The air drills planting nearly every commodity crop globally? Those too. Now Dahl is manufacturing weed-cutting robots for Greenfield Robotics out of his Fargo factory, and he wrote his own check on top of it.
Greenfield's current fleet is sold out, with over $1 million in total revenue and robots in the field since 2020. Chipotle’s venture arm and KingsCrowd Capital are also on board. The robots slice weeds with centimeter precision, replacing herbicides linked to environmental damage and rising health concerns among farmers.
Greenfield is now in Test the Waters under Reg A+. Reserving shares today locks in a 5% bonus that can grow to 20% the week the round opens to the public.
Greenfield Robotics is Testing The Waters under tier 2 of Regulation A. No money or other consideration is being solicited, and if sent in response will not be accepted. No offer to buy the securities can be accepted and no part of the purchase price can be received until the offering statement filed by the company with the SEC has been qualified by the SEC. Any such offer may be withdrawn or revoked, without obligation or commitment of any kind, at any time before notice of acceptance given after the date of qualification. An indication of interest involves no obligation or commitment of any kind. “Reserving” shares is simply an indication of interest. There is no binding commitment for investors that reserve shares in this manner to ultimately invest and purchase the shares reserved of the company, or to purchase any shares of the company whatsoever.
+ Speaking of rising tides lifting all chips ships…
CrowdStrike $CRWD ( ▲ 20.5% ) and Okta $OKTA ( ▲ 28.63% ) both beat and raised on Wednesday too, then completely mooned yesterday. Duh.
Per CRWD CEO George Kurtz in a totally non-terrifying statement: “We're in an arms race. AI is driving more cyberattacks.”
Supply and demand, I guess.
Anyway, both stonks are up over 80% this year…
+ Hat trick incoming, eh?
In case you were wondering if general relations/trade war was improving with the ex-51st state…
Donny Cartography signed an executive order yesterday renaming Lake Ontario to “Lake America.” *claps in bald eagle*
Friendly reminder: The Gulf of Mexico America got updated on day 1 *double checks Google Maps* and now Donny has his sights set on the Atlantic and/or the Pacific (not joking).
+ It’s not my fault everything happened Wednesday…
But yeah, the Fed’s favorite metric dropped Wednesday too.
Missionary PCE rose 0.2% in July, which brings the annual rate to 3.7%, just a little hotter than the Econ majors were hoping for.
Core PCE came in at 3.3% annually, which is nice…
TBD what K-Woww is actually gonna do besides just talking from J. Hole.
Forget Nvidia and SpaceX - These 5 Stocks Could Soar Next
Everyone is watching SpaceX.
But Wall Street’s top-rated analysts are pointing to 5 different stocks right now.
MarketBeat’s Top 5 Stocks to Buy Now report reveals the names getting some of the strongest analyst support before the broader market catches on.
> (Wednesday) Meta settles social media addiction case with California, other states for $16.7 billion // “... that’s it?” - everyone who kept reading how this was supposed to be Meta’s “Big Tobacco” moment...
> (Wednesday) Apple sets iPhone launch event for Sept. 9, first under new CEO John Ternus // Tim Apple knows when to get out…
> (Wednesday) OpenAI releases sweeping report on Hugging Face AI agent hack // ChatGPT, summarize this.
> (Tuesday) OnlyFans paid jaw-dropping $700M to owner who died from cancer as it raked in revenue // You guys... BONK.
> (Tuesday) OpenAI Claims Its New Chips Can Outperform Nvidia Processors in Tests // Chip war hotter than Takis v Flamin’ Hot
On Tuesday, I asked, “What is Canada’s greatest pop culture export?”
46% of you said, “Actors.” They sure exported the Stanley Cup too, huh?
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Actors: “Ace Ventura, Van Wilder, and Austin Powers? Or did you mean the Grinch, Deadpool, and Shrek?” They simply don’t miss.
Music: “TV was a close second, but the Canadian musicians recently got a shot in the arm from the likes of Tate McRae (self-bonk).” RE-BONK.
Actors: “They’re obviously motivated to escape.” Clearly.
TV: “Send Ricky in to negotiate with the Don. Soon it’ll be water under the fridge.” *applause*
Actors: “Obviously actors…including Pamela Anderson! (Insert slowmo Baywatch Gif) Yep bonk!” Oh, it’s a double BONK day.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Will Nvidia stonk ever go down?
+ US stocks climbed after… you guessed it… Nvidia's earnings beat put the tech sector on its back. Information technology was the lone S&P 500 sector to finish in the green.
+ The 10-year yield rose for a second straight sesh as traders continue to bet on a hike before EOY and wait on Warsh's Jackson Hole speech.
+ Oil snapped a three-session losing streak after a report said DJT has no interest in revisiting the terms of June's memorandum of understanding with Iran.
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 27% chance that NATO and Russia go to war this year. (Polymarket)
Oh, and one more thing….
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