Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… xAI is under investigation for being creepy, Verizon got its CrowdStrike on, and Saks finally goes under for real (for now).
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 41 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, I sent out a 5-minute survey over the weekend with one goal in mind: making TWC even better. If you didn’t have a chance, I’d really, really appreciate it if you took just a few minutes to complete it. Help me help you.
PPS, interested in advertising with TWC? Reply directly to this newsletter or fill out this form, and I’ll be in touch ASAP.
Probed for freedom
“What are the rules?” - humans with caveman brains getting access to completely unfiltered AI chatbots and immediately ruining it for everyone
X/xAI (and therefore, free speech itself) is under fire from… everyone.
California AG Rob Bonta is picking up a pitchfork and joining the angry Grok mob.
xAI is officially under investigation for “the proliferation of nonconsensual sexually explicit material produced using Grok.”
In case you don’t spend much time on X (good for you), the whole platform’s been flooded with, “Grok, edit this photo to put [insert nonconsenting subject] in a bikini.” To the point that it’s actually a cliché.
Per the AG, “xAI appears to be facilitating the large-scale production of deepfake nonconsensual intimate images that are being used to harass women and girls across the internet, including via the social media platform X.” Which, fair.
Friendly reminder that Grok is already under investigation by the European Commission. Malaysia and Indonesia are working on suspending Grok entirely.
US Senators are putting pressure on Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 0.04% ) and Google $GOOG ( ▼ 0.73% ) to pull the X and Grok apps from app stores. This would never happen on Google+…
So Elon made a meme about it, right?
Nope… Elon was… wait for it… an adult. By late last night, X caved and decided to disable Grok from creating sexualized images via prompts in the app formerly known as Twitter. So, you’ll need to go to grok.com and copy-paste them…
Per X’s “safety” account (which is like being the condom basket at an orgy) said, “We have implemented technological measures to prevent the Grok account from allowing the editing of images of real people in revealing clothing such as bikinis. This restriction applies to all users, including paid subscribers.”
Thank you for your service…
Seriously, thanks for taking the time to read, reply to, and interact with The Water Coolest (especially the ads *hint hint*) every damn day.
I've never been more bullish about TWC. There's no shortage of business and markets headlines to break down. And there are still far too many people out there settling for dogsh*t biz news.
As we head into 2026, I'd really appreciate it if you could do me a solid…
Completing this 5-minute survey will help make The Water Coolest experience even better (wild, I know).
Oh, and did I mention one lucky (random) survey participant will win $500 in straight cash homie just for getting to the end?
Thanks in advance, you guys.
+ Can you hear me now?
Verizon $VZ ( ▼ 1.26% ) pulled a CrowdStrike yesterday. Tens of thousands of phones got put in SOS jail after a yuge network outage made everyone touch grass… until they could get on wifi. Downdetector logged over 176k reports from all over the country, including major cities NYC, LA, Chicago, Boston, and DC. Some reports indicate the numbers were in the millions… and everyone’s tinfoil hat-wearing friend was saying, “this is how it starts.”
Shares *double checks notes* went up on the day… because Verizon customers like it a little rough, I guess.
+ Live look at Saks Global today…
Giphy
Saks Global just filed for bankruptcy after teasing us about it for weeks. The Saks finance team is scrambling to secure $1.7B in funding to keep stores open and secure financing after it exits bankruptcy protection.
A who’s who of luxury brands are about to write off some solid losses: Chanel ($136M), Gucci ($60M), and LVMH ($26M).
+ You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a SaaS company…
Elon has pulled the plug on the option to pay a one-time $8k fee for Tesla $TSLA ( ▲ 1.06% ) FSD (“Full” Self Driving). From here on out, it’s subscription only ($99 per month). No word on whether you can bundle with your monthly X, Grok, Starlink, Neuralink, Boring Company, Optimus, and Robotaxi subscriptions…
> Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Citi stocks slide as earnings add to rough start to 2026 (Yahoo! Finance) // This is why we can’t have nice things.
> Astronauts Set to Evacuate Space Station Following Medical Issue (Bloomberg) // Watch any Alien movie, and you’ll know we’re totally f*cked.
> Google launches Personal Intelligence feature in Gemini app, challenging Apple Intelligence (CNBC) // Probably just a coincidence this announcement comes like 24 hours after Google inked a deal to power Siri…
> Digg launches its new Reddit rival to the public (TechCrunch) // Kevin Rose is back, baby.
> This is fine…
Yesterday, I asked, “Congrats to all whose teams made it through the Wild Card round (not bitter). Who we got going to the AFC Championship?”
41.3% of you said, “Bills v Pats.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Bills v Pats: “I think Allen comes through carrying the team and as long as the offense shows up this time the Pats take the W”
Broncos v Texans: “Bills will lose on the road to Denver. Texans defense will smother New England!”
Bills v Pats: “I am not mentally prepared for the Patriots to be good again. Still cannot believe the Titans fired Vrabel. Going to go down as an all time blunder”
Broncos v Texans: “Defense travels, and Josh Allen Josh Allens”
Broncos v Pats: “Ja’Quan McMillan with a pick and a sack, mark it down”
As for the NFC Championship game…
44.3% of you said, “Seahawks v Rams.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Seahawks v Rams: “49ers are too banged up to compete and the Bears would need more fire power to be able to take it from the Rams”
Seahawks v Rams: “Listening to Tom Brady call the game turned me gay”
Seahawks v Bears: “I cannot bet against my Bears under any circumstance. They will beat the Rams”
49ers v Rams: “Sam Darnold due for his annual pumpkin transformation and Puka Nakua cannot be stopped.”
49ers v Bears: “Obligatory 'I want the NFC Championship game in Chicago' pick”
Here’s today’s question(s)…
After Verizon's big fumble today, I got to thinking... which phone provider has the best all-time advertising?
+ US stocks “fell again Wednesday as investors shrugged off solid bank earnings and US data while oil prices jumped on rising tensions between Washington and Tehran.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield was “lower on Wednesday, as markets digested more economic data releases following the December inflation print.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled higher on Wednesday, then gave back most of the day’s gains after U.S. President Donald Trump eased fears of disruptions to Iranian supplies when he said late in the afternoon that killings in Iran’s crackdown on civil unrest were subsiding.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 40% chance that ChatGPT gets ads by March 31. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Bank of America, Citigroup, and Wells Fargo & Company reported before the open
+ The Detroit Auto Show got underway
+ OPEC published its monthly oil market report
+ The November Retail Sales report dropped
+ The Federal Reserve released its Beige Book Report
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ TSM, Goldman Sachs, BlackRock, and Morgan Stanley report before the opening bell
+ Costco will hold its annual meeting
+ Topgolf Callaway will officially revert to its old name, Callaway Golf. The end of an error.
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of a guy with a Nano Banana account and a wild imagination. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.