Just when you thought McKinsey consultants couldn’t get any more insufferable…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 26 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US Stocks “ended the session little changed on Friday despite Broadcom's (AVGO) jump to all-time highs driven by the chipmaker's bullish AI-fueled sales forecast.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “moved higher on Friday as investors look ahead to the Federal Reserve’s final meeting of the year.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “climbed about 2% on Friday to settle at a three-week-high, on expectations that additional sanctions on Russia and Iran could tighten supplies and that lower interest rates in Europe and the U.S. could boost fuel demand.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “pushed within a few hundred dollars of a new all-time high price mark early Sunday, rising as high as $103,341 and remaining in close range of the peak price.” (Decrypt)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Microstrategy +4.2% 2) Tesla +4.3% 3) Palantir +3.9%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Rumor has it Post (the cereal company) is looking to get into the French fry game. It’s reportedly got its eye on Lamb Weston. The ‘big fry’ is currently dealing with an activist investor who would really like it to sell itself. Lamb Weston stock jumped 6.7% on the day.

+ Broadcom CEO Hock Tan realized you can get rich with this one weird trick. Shares of Broadcom closed up 24.4% on Friday after its CEO indicated the AI chip market could 4x over the next two years. Spoiler: Hock thinks AVGO will be a huge beneficiary.

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With the overhang of those pesky opioid lawsuits behind it, McKinsey can take on new work. Like... helping health insurers deny claims even more efficiently.

On Friday, management consulting firm McKinsey & Company went all "hand up, that one was on me," agreeing to a $650M deferred prosecution agreement with Uncle Sam. The deal is related to McKinsey's role in the opioid crisis. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?

This is not to be confused with the nearly $1B they already paid to state and local governments.

In addition to the huge fine, McKinsey can no longer help clients market, sell, or distribute controlled substances. *BCG and Bain have entered the chat*

“Ok, but McKinsey wasn't actually making the drugs...”

That’s like saying Weebay wasn’t doing anything wrong because he’s not Avon Barksdale…

You see, Purdue wasn't happy at the rate with which it was getting people addicted to OxyContin. So it brought in a bunch of Harvard MBAs with McKinsey Patagonia vests to do a SWOT analysis on how to more effectively destroy lives and ravage entire communities.

McKinsey helped juice sales and reaped the rewards to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars.

The fall guy

Also on Friday, Ex-McKinsey partner Martin Elling agreed to plead guilty to being an absolute scumbag obstruction of justice. Elling was the ring leader of the operation and was accused of deleting documents when sh*t went south. Imagine having to answer “so why did you leave your last job?”

+ Dream blunt rotation: Michael Saylor, Alex Karp, and the guy who invented the Taser…

Late Friday, Christmas came early for MicroStrategy (+4.2%), Palantir (+3.9%), and Axon (+1.3%) (the maker of Taser). Nasdaq announced that the three companies would be added to the Nasdaq 100, which comprises the 100 biggest stonks on the Nasdaq. They’ll make their debut on December 23rd.

In case you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal?”… keep in mind, massive ETFs that track the Nasdaq 100 (like QQQ) will need to buy up shares when they rebalance.

The moves aren’t entirely surprising. MicroStrategy is up more than 500% this year, Palantir has jumped 350% in 2024, and Axon has gained more than 150%. Save some for the rest of us, you guys…

Of course, inclusion in the prestigious club is a zero-sum game. Three companies are getting their torches snuffed and being booted off the island. Illumina, Super Micro Computer, and Moderna will rejoin the rank-and-file Nasdaq-listed companies.

And we can all agree they’re going to write case studies about Super Micro’s fall from grace, right?

+ OpenAI has got receipts…

Elon Musk just got put in a body bag by a blog post that OpenAI dropped on Friday. The post claims that back in 2017 Elon pushed OpenAI to take a for-profit path and (no big surprise here) give him a majority stake and full control.

The salty blog post is in response to their ex-sugar daddy lawyering up to petition a federal court to stop OpenAI from converting into a for-profit business. OpenAI currently operates in a “capped-profit” model, with its nonprofit acting as its governing entity. A move to for-profit would open doors for more investment (read: buying more Nvidia chips).

+ T-minus 1 month until your wife looks up from her phone for the first time since 2018…

On Friday, members of the US House Committee on the Chinese Communist Party sent official notice letters to Apple (+0.07%) and Google (-1.1%) telling them to be prepared to delist TikTok from their app stores.

Back on December 6, a federal appeals court ruled to uphold the “Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act,” meaning the owner of TikTok, China’s ByteDance, only has until January 19 to divest the company to domestic ownership. *Steve Mnuchin begins breathing heavily*

+ And, I think I speak on behalf of all weekday warriors when I say “get well soon” to the greatest trader of our generation. Nancy Pelosi slipped and fell (something her portfolio doesn’t do) during a trip to Luxembourg. The 84-year-old was hospitalized and underwent surgery. She was there to commemorate the 80th anniversary of… the Battle of the Bulge. You can’t make this sh*t up…

+ Costco sold an around-the-world cruise for $293K. This just screams “I won $300k on a scratch-off ticket.”

+ CEO of $210 billion chipmaker holds meetings on weekends, expects work after midnight: ‘People are really motivated by ambitious goals’. As if they needed another reason to apply to Nvidia…

🔥 Company that sparked backlash over ‘mass firing’ of ‘stressed’ employees reveals it was all a publicity stunt. YesMadam is playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers.

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Palo Alto Networks begins trading on a split-adjusted basis

Friday, I asked, “What's the best Christmas movie of all time?”

'Christmas Vacation' won in a landslide. Followed by 'Home Alone' and 'Christmas Story.' Lots of people shaking their fist at me for not including ‘It’s A Wonderful Life.’ Sorry for having good taste.

Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

And here’s today’s question…

More holiday arguments, obviously…

+ Live look at The Water Coolest Christmas party

🔥 Did this bro on WallStreetBets just expose a huge loophole in the US tax code (and create a new dating app)?

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.