TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warriors,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Iran tries to stand between the US and oil, Apple delivers on a new chip, and Spain is never gonna financially recover from this.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 11 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Passing gas through Hormuz
“I drink your milkshake.” - ‘merica
Oil prices popped yesterday after Iran played its trump card (which, ironic). And yes, the national (in the US, that is) average price for gas also jumped at least 11 cents immediately…
Turns out the brains of the operation in Tehran declared the gay Strait of Hormuz was officially closed (read: it will blast any oil tanker that even thinks about coming through).
Of course, it’s hard to say exactly who’s in charge over there...
Yesterday, the Israeli military reportedly flattened Iran’s entire Assembly of Experts (think: the papal conclave but for picking the next assassination target).
Luckily, Donny Insurance has a plan. #47 went all Gordon Gekko Geico Gecko and posted that the US will continue to provide insurance and naval escorts through the Strait.
But Tyler, has AI been affected in the conflict?
Yes, sadly, there have been AI casualties. Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 0.16% ) AWS confirmed that two of its data centers in the UAE and one in Bahrain were hit by drone strikes. Multiple AWS-based apps reported outages yesterday due to the attack.
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+ Be ungovernable. Never close a single tab.
Tim Cook just rolled out a big Mac refresh. No, not this kind of Big Mac…
Apple $AAPL ( ▼ 0.37% ) showed off the new MacBook Pro and Air with upgraded M5 chips. And it’s about d*mn time… Friendly reminder that the Mac business saw sales drop 7% last quarter. Oh, and prices are going up. But so is storage, so we got that going for us, which is nice.
+ Bad news for your mother-in-law’s wine collection/addiction…
Donny Diplomacy said he plans to “cut off all trade with Spain” yesterday after the OG conquistadores denied the US access to its military bases for Operation Epic Fury. #47 directed SecTreas Scotty B. to cut off all deals with Spain.
+ The perfect ad reboot doesn’t exi—
Credit where it’s due: Novo Nordisk’s $NVO ( ▼ 2.91% ) reboot of the early aughts’ Mac commercials with the original actors is *chef’s kiss*.
But imagine a day when Novo didn’t take an L. The FDA claims the new ad “misleads consumers because it implies that all patients with type 2 diabetes are candidates for each of the agency’s approved indications for the drug.”
Friendly reminder: this comes just a few weeks after the FDA said a Wegovy spot contained false and misleading statements.
> Lin Bin to Buy Miami Dolphins Stake at $12.5 Billion Valuation (Bloomberg) // Really? For the Dolpins?
> Thrive Capital, A16Z to Lead Anduril Investment at $60 Billion Valuation (WSJ) // *checks in on current geopolitical situation* Probably just a coincidence…
> Sam Altman tells OpenAI staffers that military’s ‘operational decisions’ are up to the government (CNBC) // Whatever helps you sleep at night, bro.
> Michael Saylor just went from six to midnight…
Yesterday I asked, “The year is 2005. You've got 2 hours to kill time at any of these stores. Where are you kicking it?”
25.3% of you said, “Dick’s Sporting Goods.” I guess that’s why they’re still around…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Borders: “Listen, I'm not a nerd. I barely know how to read, but 2 hrs in these other stores is crazy. you can only look at cds or walkmans or baseball bats and golf clubs for so long. At least Borders has a fun magazine section.” Nerd alert.
Dick’s Sporting Goods: “I'm 42 but I might pick up lacrosse...need to wield some sticks to see.” Plenty of sticks to play with at Dick’s.
Other (write-in): “REI - so much sick gear to explore.” Gear for backcountry adventures you’ll never take is the sickest kind.
Circuit City: “05, Circuit City. Then we got big time in 06, Best Buy came to town.” Simpler times.
PetSmart: “check out these snakes bro.” Peak.
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Enough with all these polls about crap TV. Let's get our intellectual side on. How many books are you reading this year? (And drop your top book recommendation in the response box)
+ US stocks “pulled back on Tuesday, as widening conflict in the Middle East drove energy prices higher and raised investor concern about inflation.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “rose on Tuesday as the U.S.-Iran conflict caused oil prices to surge for a second day.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled up 4.7% on Tuesday, the highest since January 2025, as U.S.-Israel battles with Iran intensified, disrupting energy shipments from the Middle East and stoking fears of a longer conflict.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that Savannah Louie has the highest odds (85%) of being the next person voted off the island. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Target, Sea, On Holdings, Best Buy, AutoZone, and British American reported before the opening bell
+ CrowdStrike, Gitlab, and Ross Stores dropped earnings after the bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Wix and Abercrombie & Fitch report before the bell
+ Broadcom, Rigetti, Okta, Webull, Veeva, ChargePoint, and American Eagle report after hours
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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