Today we’re speculating about today’s OpenAI event, breaking down Sam Altman’s SPAC merger, and a whole lot more (that isn’t about Sam Altman). Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 23 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “struggled to gain much traction after data pointed to an economy that is slowing amid stubborn inflation, posing a challenge to the outlook of Federal Reserve policy.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “higher on Friday as traders digested downbeat consumer sentiment data, which indicated a significant uptick in inflation expectations." (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell by nearly $1 a barrel on Friday as comments from U.S. central bank officials indicated higher-for-longer interest rates, which could hinder demand from the world's largest crude consumers.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin was relatively flat over the weekend.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Oklo -53.6% 2) C3.ai -1.7% 3) Nvidia +1.2%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Turns out slinging $19 salads to people who donated to the GoFundMe for those UNC frat guys who protected the American flag is a helluva business model. Salad seller Sweetgreen rose 33.9% on Friday after reporting earnings. Sure, the beat and raise were nice, but what really had analysts ready to run through a brick wall was the company rolling out steak at its restaurants.

– Unity, which makes software for game developers, got wasted on Friday. Shares fell 10.2% after an earnings report that’s the stuff of its incoming CEO’s nightmares (poor b*stard starts this week).

Sam Altman be like “I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.”

Remember when Amazon could make an entire sector its b*tch just by teasing a new product line?

Well, now it’s OpenAI’s turn to put entire industries on notice. On Friday morning, OpenAI tweeted that it will host a live-streamed event on Monday (see: today) at 1 PM EST to unveil some updates.

Almost immediately, shares of Google stumbled. And before you go all, “it was only 1%,” let’s keep in mind that represents $20B in market cap.

Why though?

The fear was that OpenAI is about to roll out its highly anticipated Google search competitor. Think: Bing, but it doesn’t suck.

But before the selloff became a bloodbath, Sam Altman did Google a solid (this participation trophy generation really is soft as baby sh*t) by clarifying he’s not about to drink their milkshake.

He tweeted: “not gpt-5, not a search engine, but we’ve been hard at work on some new stuff we think people will love! feels like magic to me.”

So either Sam is about to hit Google with the most savage “sike!” of all time… or it really is something else.

But what?

Well, according to The Information, it could be an AI voice assistant that would roll audio, text, and image recognition into one product. So Siri but actually useful…

In other news…

Rumor has it that OpenAI is this close to inking a deal with Apple to bring ChatGPT to Apple iOS 18 and the iPhone.

Of course, this is almost certainly not OpenAI’s big reveal. Tim Cook would use an Android before he let Sam Altman steal his glory.

+ Not even Sam Altman can fix SPACs…

On Friday, Sam’s special purpose acquisition company, AltC (well, played, @sama) merged with the nuclear fission company Oklo (-53.6%)… which he is also an investor in.

And it was a bigger sh*tshow than Chernobyl. Shares melted down nearly 54% during its first day of trading. The company, which has yet to get approval to build one of its mini nuclear reactors (let alone make a dollar of revenue), got a cash injection of nearly $300M on the day. Or as Sam Altman probably calls it… moving money from one bank account to another.

It probably shouldn’t be that surprising, considering the SPAC had been super volatile ahead of the merger. And something tells me Sam A. has the mouth breathers on Wall St. Bets to thank

+ Who hurt you, Americans?

The University of Michigan Survey of Consumers sentiment index read was a dumpster fire. The sentiment measure hit 67.4, which means literally nothing on its own… until you realize the index fell 12.7% month over month. Plus, it was well below the Street’s consensus of 76.

But wait, it gets worse… U of M also asks Average Joes what they think about inflation. Inflation expectations over one and five-year time horizons both jumped to their highest point since November.

+ “Shut up and take my money.” - Americans, in all likelihood

Last month, McDonald’s (+2.6%) reported an earnings miss and warned that consumers are beginning to pull back across the board. And, well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Rumor has it that the Golden Arches is planning to roll out a $5 value meal in hopes of putting a**ses in seats. It’s expected that the meal would include a McChicken or a McDouble, along with fries, and a drink.

+ RIP to one of the GOATS of investing.

Jim Simons, a brilliant mathematician, and the billionaire founder of Renaissance Technologies, passed away at the age of 86 (… which is a f*cking miracle considering how much this dude smoked).

And Jimmy Smokes put up absolutely staggering numbers. Ren Tech’s Medallion Fund averaged 66% annual returns between 1988 and 2018. Un-f*cking-believable.

+ OnlyF*ns model with three homes says it’s ‘understandable’ for landlords to raise rent (Read)

+ NBA Champion Dwyane Wade says it took years to learn how to manage his millions: ‘I had never really handled more than $500 at a time’ (Read)

+ Warren Buffett's right-hand man at Berkshire Hathaway once revealed the 'magic number' you need to save to build wealth (Read)

On Friday, we were keeping an eye on the Consumer Sentiment Index and some Fed chatter.

+ Federal Reserve Governor Michelle Bowman said she doesn’t expect any rate cuts this year. Meanwhile, Chicago Fed President Austan Goolsbee wasn’t as worried about inflation… but still didn’t offer a timeline for rate cuts.

+ Check out more on the U of M Consumer Sentiment Index above.

Here's what we’re keeping an eye on today...

+ TeraWulf reports this AM

+ OpenAI makes its “big announcement” at 1 PM EST

+ Cleveland Federal Reserve Bank President Loretta Mester will be part of a panel as investors seek hints about future rate changes

Yesterday, I asked, “At what age do you stop being cool?”

52.5% of you said never. The second choice? 35. F*cking brutal, considering that’s how old I am.

Here’s today’s question…

Since I don’t trust the Americans that the U of M asks to participate in the consumer sentiment index…

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional