TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on tap today… OpenAI has got an open thing going with Microsoft, Spotify teaming up with Peloton was not on my ‘26 bingo card, and Pershing Square decided to go small instead of going big or going home.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 17 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Open(AI) relationship
Scam Altman finally got himself out of that dicey Microsoft $MSFT ( ▲ 0.05% ) deal. Kinda.
Yesterday, OpenAI announced that it won’t stay exclusive with Microsoft as its sole cloud provider… but don’t forget Anthropic went poly first.
Oh, and Microsoft will receive a non-exclusive license to OpenAI’s IP through 2032. Friendly reminder: the previous agreement specified exclusive access until OpenAI produced AGI, which, super vague.
Sammy GPT’s new products will still give preference to Azure, but now they can also opt to offer products to customers on, wait for it… Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 1.09% ) AWS.
Which is good news, considering Andy Jassy’s $50B investment in OpenAI that guaranteed AWS would be Sam’s cloud partner for his enterprise platform, Frontier.
So it looks like @sama’s out of the awkward deal frying pan and into the fire… of Elon Musk.
Jury selection kicked off yesterday for the ultimate Elon v. Sam legal face-off. Dana White’s gotta be punching drywall that he isn’t getting a piece of this…
In case you missed it, Elon was hoping for over $100B in damages from Scammy Sam until several pre-trial rulings didn’t swing his way. Now our ex-VP is seeking money to fund OpenAI’s charitable arm and the removal of Sam from OpenAI’s board.
And if this legal sh*tshow turns out to be boring, ISTG…
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+ Spotify? The wellness app?
Spotify $SPOT ( ▼ 4.28% ) announced a new partnership with Peloton $PTON ( ▲ 2.51% ) to make over 1.4k classes available to its Premium subs. So instead of listening to all the bangerz on Ye’s new album, you can now tune in for strength training, yoga, and meditation classes on your Spotify app.
Can’t wait to see every fitness influencer’s Spotify Wrapped 2026…
+ Weak sauce, Bill.
Pershing Square’s inevitable IPO is on its way, and it looks like Billy Ackman and Co. are only going to seek a $5B raise. That’s the low end of its rumored $5-10B target (because, math).
The closed-end fund (ticker: PSUS) and hedge fund (ticker: PS) are scheduled to be officially priced today. Fingers crossed it doesn’t completely fall apart like it did in 2024 (too soon, Bill?).
+ The Domino’s effect…
Brutal day for our nation’s top grease distributor. Domino’s $DPZ ( ▼ 8.84% ) stonk tumbled over 8% yesterday after dropping weak earnings. Temu Papa John’s missed on the top and bottom lines, and same-store sales rose by a mere 0.9%, well under expectations for 2.3% growth…
To be fair, Domino’s has to show theirs first in restaurant earnings szn. Starbucks $SBUX ( ▼ 0.79% ), Chipotle $CMG ( ▼ 1.67% ), and Yum Brands $YUM ( ▼ 3.19% ) are still to come this week.
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> Oil giant Shell to buy Canada’s ARC Resources for $16.4 billion in push to boost output (CNBC) // 370k barrels of oil per day added to the Shell portfolio. Hot damn.
> Qualcomm up 7% on report it’s partnering with OpenAI on smartphone AI chip (CNBC) // Better hope OpenAI stays loyal…
> China blocks Meta’s $2 billion takeover of AI startup Manus (CNBC) // Capitalism FTW.
> Pharma bets a little-known form of cholesterol will underpin its next blockbuster heart drugs (CNBC) // GLP-1s are out. Lp(a) reducers are in.
> How?
Yesterday, I asked, “If you had to pick up a blue-collar job tomorrow because of AI, which one would you pick?”
22.9% of you said, “Plumbing & HVAC.” Barely eked out the win over construction and groundskeeping…
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Plumbing & HVAC: “AI can’t fix a backed-up shitter…” Yet.
Other (write-in): “Firefighter. I want to make chili and have a mustache.” Don’t forget about the shirtless calendar.
Food Service: “Bartending… at least no one would give me dirty looks for having a few drinks at work…” Hate to be a buzzkill, but pretty sure that’s frowned upon for a bartender, too. Unless you work at Paddy’s Pub.
Groundskeeping: “This is a hybrid of Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bent and northern California sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this, is that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus that night on the stuff.” I’ve got a pool and a pond. Pond would be best for you.
Construction: “Sunshine, heat, gas station cuisine, and Copenhagen straight is already starting to sound better than the this polo, Zyn, and the office door dash email from Emily to the sushi joint down the street.” Rewatching Office Space?
Here’s today’s question(s)…
Are you a perpetrator/victim of lifestyle creep? Think: as you earned more money in your career, did your lifestyle expenses rise just as fast?
+ US stocks “eked out modest gains on Monday in muted trading, as investors took a breath at the top of an eventful week, with earnings, economic data, the U.S. Federal Reserve's rate decision and the ebb and flow of Middle East tensions all crowding the docket.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “moved higher on Monday as investors looked ahead to the Federal Reserve’s monetary policy meeting, during which Fed chair Jerome Powell is widely expected to keep interest rates on hold.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices were higher on Monday, as supply disruptions continued due to the shuttering of the critical Strait of Hormuz. Planned negotiations between the U.S. and Iran over the weekend failed to materialize, keeping traders on edge.” (Investing.com)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 36% chance that Jimmy Kimmel gets fired/resigns by the end of May. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Verizon and Domino’s reported before the opening bell
+ Celestica, Cadence Design Systems, Amkor Technology, Nucor, Brown & Brown, Rambus, Alexandria Real Estate Equities, and Public Storage reported after the bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Spotify, Coca-Cola, UPS, S&P Global, Corning, General Motors, BP, Galaxy Digital, American Tower, Sherwin-Williams, Enterprise Products, Hilton, Centene, JetBlue, Kimberly-Clark, Ecolab, Ares Capital Corporation, Novartis, Sysco, Opera, Incyte, and Franklin Resources report before the bell
+ Visa, Robinhood, Starbucks, Waste Management, Seagate, Bloom Energy, T-Mobile, Booking Holdings, Enphase Energy, Teradyne, Fair Isaac, NXP, Mondelez, ONEOK, Welltower, F5 Networks, Stride, STAG Industrial, W. P. Carey, and CoStar drop earnings after hours
+ Resorts World is expected to open the first-ever casino with live table games in New York City
Oh, and one more thing…
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