Hey there weekday warriors,
Nothing gets the people going quite like takeover speculation fueled by private jet tracking.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 31 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ “The Dow Jones Industrial Average notched a record close on Monday while the other two major averages slid as investors weighed the imminent arrival of interest rate cuts and braced for a busy week dominated by Nvidia's (NVDA) earnings report.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “was slightly higher on Monday after Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell last week gave his strongest indication yet that rate cuts are near.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled 3% higher on Monday as production cuts in Libya added to supply concerns stemming from reports of escalating conflict in the Middle East.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin’s weekend rally “ran out of steam, although growing optimism over interest rate cuts kept the cryptocurrency trading close to a near one-month high.” (Investing)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -2.2% 2) Visa +0.2% 3) Intuitive Machines +0.1%
The market moves you need to know about…
+ Shares of Sonder mooned 22.7% yesterday. That brings its monthly gainz to 173%. The company known for creating what is best described as the love child of an Airbnb and a trendy hotel with graffiti art in the lobby (read: short-term apartment accommodations in major cities) is still being rewarded for landing a partnership with Marriott. The hotel chain will offer 9k of Sonder’s rooms on its booking platform.
– Temu, ya dead? American Depository Receipts of Pinduoduo had their worst day ever after the Temu owner reported a horrific quarter. Not only did PDD miss revenue expectations, but it also warned of increased competition. The stock fell 28.5% on the day.
+ Seriously, guys, who is drinking all this Coke? Are the ‘day in the life’ TikTok girls who make Diet Coke their entire personality really putting the brand on their backs? KO rose 1.5% to close at an all-time high yesterday.
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One flight, everybody knows the rules
Source: Giphy
Nothing gets a bunch of crayon eaters bricked up quite like takeover rumors spurred by flight-tracking…
Shares of Papa John’s (+5.8%) (you know, the pizza parlor founded by the guy who pregames harder than you party) jumped more than 5% on news that Restaurant Brands (-0.5%) (think: the company that owns Burger King and Tim Horton’s) could be kicking the tires.
Oh, so what are the details?
Well, there are none. You see, we didn’t hear from either of the companies. Nor did “a source familiar with the matter” hit up David Faber on Telegram with an “anonymous” tip.
Nope. A research advisor tracked 3G Capital’s jet flying into Louisville, the home of Papa John’s…
In case you’re confused about 3G’s connection, the fund is one of Restaurant Brand’s largest investors.
In the judicial system, I think they call this circumstantial evidence…
To be fair, there is reason to think the alternative data could be onto something. Shares of the pizza giant that has become famous for its garlic sauce (and generous portions of racism) have lost 36% of their value YTD.
Several factors dragged down PZZA (Restaurant Brands should acquire for that ticker symbol alone), but can we all agree none is bigger than Shaq leaving its board early this year?
+ Getting demoted is probably an easier pill to swallow when you’re worth like half a billion dollars…
Apple’s (+0.1%) CEO Tim Cook just went all “ok, grandpa, let’s get you to bed” to CFO Luca Maestri. Starting January 1st the 60-year-old Luca will relinquish his CFO duties and focus on overseeing IT, security, and real estate development. Listen, I’d never call Tim Cook an ageist, but it really feels like he wants to be the only one wearing Depends in the C-suite…
Maestri will be replaced by Kevan Parekh, his long-time lieutenant.
Of course, Luca won’t walk away empty-handed. He’s been CFO for more than a decade and oversaw unprecedented growth at the iPhone maker. During his tenure, shares of Apple have risen more than 800%.
+ “I always sleep a little better with some sausage in me.” - Great Gam Gam from ‘Beerfest’ and the Dallas Federal Reserve’s Texas Manufacturing Outlook Survey
According to the survey, manufacturers have been seeing ‘modest growth’ in the dinner sausage category. Breakfast sausage manufacturers are notoriously tight-lipped about how much processed hog they’re cranking out.
Ok, why should I care? Because sausage purchases tend to increase when the economy weakens. That’s because it’s a cheaper protein than steak or chicken.
+ Canada just went all “We ride together, we did together today.” In what is the second-coolest thing to happen in Canada in the past week (the walk-off “rogue” in the CFL wins, obviously), the country said it will implement a 100% tariff on Chinese EVs.
The news isn’t exactly shocking, considering the US has been applying a fair amount of pressure to our little brother neighbors to the north to follow in our footsteps and tax China 100% on EV imports.
Fun fact: the only EVs currently shipped to Canada from China are American cars (Teslas produced at the Shanghai Gigafactory).
Oh, and…
+ Apple announces iPhone event for Sept. 9. Savvy move to not hold it two days later…
+ Judge orders ‘Pharma Bro’ Martin Shkreli to surrender all copies of rare Wu-Tang Clan album. Once Upon a Time in Shaolin (Martin’s Version)
+ Nvidia employees can work 7 days a week until 2 a.m. — but few leave because of AI chip giant’s lavish pay: report. And by that, they mean stock-based compensation.
+ How a 'digital detox' could help you save money. Yeah, that’s gonna be a no for me, dawg.
+ Best Home Warranty Companies Of 2024. Always use protection, you guys.
+ 10 U.S. housing markets where buyers have the most power right now: They’re ‘in a good position to negotiate,’ expert says. I hear the Rust Belt is lovely this time of year.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday, PDD Holdings (think: Temu) dropped earnings.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ BMO reports before the bell
Yesterday, I asked, “Guys, are you/would you be OK with your significant other making more money than you?”
Turns out weekday warriors aren’t (total) scumbags after all. 94.5% of you are ok with your significant others making more money than you.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Yes: "I would love a Sugar Momma"
Yes: "It's 2024 and men should be kept and pampered."
Yes: “Hell yeah... OnlyF*ns is straight cash homie!”
Yes: "Hell to the yeah. #TrophyHusband"
Yes: "The pangs of guilt could be overcome by the joys of day drinking on a random Tuesday, and the side effects of emasculation can be cured with a simple wiener pill."
Here’s today’s question…
Let’s test those egos again…
You get a demotion (2 levels) & you have to make a really cringey LinkedIn post about it (something about what you'll learn from this opportunity) BUT you get a raise (can't tell anyone). You taking that deal?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.