TOGETHER WITH

Here’s what’s on the agenda today…

Nvidia and OpenAI take their relationship to the next level, Better gets the meme stock treatment, and Jim Cramer is an even bigger sicko than you thought.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who shorts Cramer’s picks. If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.

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Define “circle jerk…”

On Monday, Nvidia $NVDA ( ▼ 1.24% ) and OpenAI announced a $100B investment deal.

“Oh, so, OpenAI is about to buy a f*ck ton of Nvidia’s chips? We’ve already seen this movie, Tyler.”

Not exactly…

Nvidia is actually doing the investing. Jensen and Co. will invest up to $100B in their favorite non-profit (does that make it tax-deductible?) OpenAI will be on the receiving end of $10B Publisher’s Clearing House-sized checks as needed. It’s probably worth noting that none of the spend is guaranteed.

The funds will help build out data centers producing up to 10 gigawatts of power. Spoiler: that represents nearly 5M Nvidia GPUs. And if all goes according to plan, every Bumf*ck town in America will have its economy inextricably linked to the local data center by the year of the lord 2028.

For its part, Nvidia will get OpenAI equity.

What’s the real reason for the deal?

Well, for starters, it will help Jensen Huang sleep at night knowing its best customer will have the funds to keep buying its chips to outfit the massive data centers. And Sam Altman and OpenAI can rest assured that Nvidia will continue to mainline its chips directly into its infrastructure projects (instead of its competitors).

Ok, but WTF is really happening here?

Remember when Tom Wamsgans explained the “closed loop system?”

Yeah, this is kinda like that. Except the guy swallowing his own load is Jensen Huang. The deal should (artificially) inflate demand for the company’s chips and ensure the $4.3T show goes on.

WTF does it mean for us?

Shares of Nvidia ripped on the news that it was now playing sugar daddy to one of its biggest customers. To be fair, shares came back down to earth yesterday, at least partially because investors realized the level of f*ckery here (and possibly because of J-Poww’s comments about the market running a little hot).

The deal will almost certainly help keep the good times rolling. But if/when the AI bubble does burst, I promise the fallout will be exponentially more spectacular because of the deal.

Spoiler: neither is "sending a bunch of financial documents to your CPA in early 2026 and hoping for the best"

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👋 Tell them I said whatsup when (not if) you book your free call. These guys are awesome to work with. And even if they weren’t, just imagine what you’re going to do with all that extra $$$…

+ Bah gawd, that’s Eric Jackson’s music…

From the studio hedge fund that brought you Carvana $CVNA ( ▼ 1.47% ) and Opendoor $OPEN ( ▲ 12.91% ) comes the latest EMJ Production: Better Home $BETR ( ▼ 11.59% ). Yes, the Better.com founded by Vishal Garg, who went viral for laying off 900 employees via Zoom…

You might recall that Eric M. Jackson and his fund (the cleverly named EMJ) made a f*ck ton of money by buying Carvana at the bottom. That made him something of a legend among retail investors and crayon eaters alike. So when he compared Carvana to Opendoor, the i-buyer got the meme stonk treatment.

And on Monday, he unveiled his latest pick… mortgage lender Better. Eric called it “the Shopify of mortgages,” and investors did what they do best (read: mash “BUY” on Robinhood quicker than Vishal can make his employees redundant).

Shares popped 46% on Monday (at one point, shares had more than doubled) and added another 35% yesterday.

+ They can’t keep getting away with this…

Has Disney’s $DIS ( ▲ 1.35% ) decision to cancel (then reinstate) Jimmy Kimmel ripped the country apart at the seams? Yes. But has the House of Mouse simultaneously helped us find something we can all agree on? Also yes. Yesterday DIS decided it felt like the right time to jack up prices by $2 or $3 per month for most of its monthly subscriptions.

Why? Because it can. Bob Iger has got parents’ b*lls in a vice grip. You see, hell hath no fury like a toddler who has been robbed of his Bluey fix.

+ Jeopardy contestant: “I’ll take ‘Things I’d rather do than listen to Jim Cramer for $800’”

Alex Trebek: “This will be one of the most painful ways to remove this medical tube inserted into the male body, usually post-op.”

Jeopardy contestant: “What is violently ripping a catheter from your urethra?”

Jim Cramer alleges that during the 2021 GameStop saga, he ripped his catheter out so he could call his CNBC colleagues to discuss the sh*tstorm (he swears he had just undergone surgery and doesn’t just like the feeling…). It’s not entirely clear why he couldn’t have just asked for a phone… or kept this story to himself. During the same interview, he also said he had to hire security after throwing major shade at GME.

+ J-Poww, pretty much always: “Bro, idc about the stock market.”

J-Poww yesterday: “Equity prices are fairly highly valued.”

The Fed chair’s remarks yesterday sent markets tumbling off ATHs. In addition to telling us what we already know (Palantir is too expensive), Jay said that the Fed’s current rates are “modestly restrictive.” Translation? There’s still some room to bring them down again. At, say, the October 28th FOMC meeting…

+ Bad day to be a chubby chaser. The biggest big pharma in the game is buying its way into the weight loss category. Pfizer $PFE ( 0.0% ) is buying Metsera for $7.3B. Metsera doesn’t have any FDA-approved weight loss drugs (think: Ozempic)… yet. But it’s got a proverbial buffet of oral and injectables in the pipeline. Your move, Novo…

+ Oracle’s $ORCL ( ▼ 3.79% ) biggest innovation is really about to be *CTRL-C* *CTRL-V*. As part of the deal to Make TikTok Great Again, Oracle will reportedly “manage” the US algorithm. Read: it’s going to copy and paste the Chinese version, then CTRL-F Replace all of the communist stuff.

+ US stocks “fell on Tuesday, pulling back from a record-setting streak, as Fed Chair Jerome Powell signaled the central bank would proceed cautiously on further rate cuts and suggested equities were "fairly highly valued."” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “declined on Tuesday after Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell emphasized the difficulty posed by balancing the state of employment in the U.S. economy and inflation.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled up more than $1 a barrel on Tuesday after a deal to resume exports from Iraq’s Kurdistan stalled, pacifying some investor concerns that the restart would exacerbate worries about global oversupply.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “was nearly unchanged on Tuesday, extending losses from a $1.5 billion crypto derivatives wipe-out in the previous session, while traders braced for further turbulence ahead of one of the market’s largest ever options expiries.” (Investing.com)

+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 66% chance the government shuts down on October 1. (Kalshi)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ AutoZone reported before the bell

+ Micron Technology reported after hours

+ The three-day Qualcomm Snapdragon Summit began in Maui, Hawaii

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Cintas and Uranium Energy Corp report before the bell

Last week, I asked, “Are you team 'nice dinner' or 'no nice dinner' on a bachelor/bachelorette party?”

63.8% of you said “I appreciate a nice dinner with the squad.“

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

A few ground rules…

Oh, and one more thing…

Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.