Thanks to all of you who replied over the past few days… it’s already making a difference. But if you haven’t yet, I would really appreciate it if you did me a solid...

It’s come to my attention that some precious TWC emails have been going to spam… or worse… the “Promotions” tab.

The best way to make sure The Water Coolest hits your inbox every day is by responding to one of my emails. It tells email providers that we’re friends (it’s cool because we are).

So here’s what I need you to do…

That’s right, just three little letters. Reply with “TWC." And hit send.

I appreciate the help more than you know.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 18 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “finished higher on Friday after a strong jobs report reinforced the view that the economy remains healthy even as it suggested the Federal Reserve could delay cutting interest rates.” (Reuters)

+The 10-year Treasury yield “jumped on Friday after closely watched nonfarm payrolls data for March surged past expectations.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “rose more than $1 a barrel during trade on Friday as markets watched for signs of any direct conflict between Israel and Iran that could further tighten supplies.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “headed higher into the April 7 weekly close as uncharacteristic weekend BTC price action boosted bulls.” (Cointelegraph)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Trump Media & Technology Group -12.0% 2) Nvidia +2.4% 3) Reddit +3.8%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Kura Sushi jumped 5.9% after reporting a big quarter. Not only did the sushi restaurant chain show breakneck growth, but it unveiled a new partnership with DoorDash.

– Wait, what? Now it looks like Paramount could “buy” Skydance Media as part of some clusterf*ck of a merger. The all-stock deal would see Skydance invest at least a few billion dollars into the studio. PARA fell 3.2% on the news.

+ Nobody loves global warming more than Generac. Colorado State University (which, for the record, is nowhere near an ocean) dropped a report that indicated we’re in for one of the worst hurricane seasons of all time. Spoiler: people use lots of generators during hurricanes. The stock rose 2.3% on the news.

You might’ve had a bad day on Friday, but you definitely didn’t have as bad of a day as Elon’s handlers…

You might recall that Tesla (-3.6%, +0.4% after hours) missed delivery expectations by a mile earlier in the week. That sent TSLA shares spiraling… and allowed Zuck to overtake Elon on the world’s richest leaderboard.

Then on Friday Reuters reported that Elon just kinda said ‘f*ck it’ and gave up on the company’s $25k-ish Model 2 which he promised us like 6 kids ago.

The outlet said that Elon has pivoted to going all in on robotaxis. And that his decision had to do with fierce competition from Chinese automakers in the “affordable EV” genre.

Elon clapped back on Twitter… obviously. He said on X that “Reuters is lying (again).” And I think it’s safe to assume that Reuters has been shadowbanned.

From the clouds…

But, it turns out Reuters wasn’t lying after all…

Because a few hours later Elon tweeted “Tesla Robotaxi unveil on 8/8.” Shares rose 3.8% on the news… obviously.

Elon didn’t provide any details about the event or what he meant by “robotaxi.” Let’s not forget that he plays fast and loose with definitions… like, say, “full self-driving.”

What we do know is that Elon has long promised that Tesla’s tech will get to the point where your EV can get its autonomous taxi on. And, more importantly, bring in passive income while you sleep.

+ Here’s the retirement savings that put you with the richest 10% of Americans — it's much less than you think (Read)

+ ‘Blows my mind’: North Carolina woman made $50K in car payments — and barely reduced the $84K loan. How to avoid this (Read)

+ 6 Unusual Ways People Are Boosting Their Bank Account (Read)

+ How car buyers thinking hybrid over EV should make the decision (Read)

+ The 6 best balance transfer credit cards (Read)

BTW, some of these include affiliate partnerships.

+ I am once again asking financial institutions to put these economists on a performance improvement plan.

To the surprise of nobody, economists’ jobs report estimates were off by metric f*ck ton. Isn’t there someone they can pay off in the Labor Department to get the data early? The smartest guys in the room expected that the US would create ~200k jobs in March. Turns out the number was 303k.

On the bright side, the “experts” guessed correctly on the unemployment rate (3.8%) and wage gainz (+0.3% for the month and +4.1% year over year).

Markets largely saw the report as a positive. Probably because J-Poww has made it clear that the Fed isn’t as concerned about the jobs market running red-hot (read: it likely won’t impact their rate decisions).

+ Remember that time back in May 2023 when Tim Cook said layoffs would be a “last resort”?

Well, on Friday, Tim was channeling his inner Papa Roach (shoutout to the 5 people who got that reference). Apple (+0.4%) is apparently laying off ~600 employees who worked on its self-driving car team.

The company originally said that its roughly 2k person Apple Car team would be reassigned to its AI division.

Zooming out, this could be a bfd considering AAPL had largely avoided layoffs while every other big tech was getting its blood sacrifice on.

+ We got a rare glimpse under the hood of Instagram courtesy of the justice system. Thanks to a court filing, we know now that IG’s 2021 ad revenue was $32.4B. Spoiler: Meta (+3.2%) doesn’t break out its individual apps’ top line. For the record, that was more than YouTube in the same year… and IG doesn’t share any with creators like YouTube does.

+ McDonald’s (-1.2%) just bailed out one of its franchisees bigly. It’s buying all 225 McDonald’s restaurants from its Israeli franchisee Alonyal. Pro-Palestinian Muslims have boycotted the Golden Arches in the area. They accuse Ronald, Grimace, and the Hamburglar of being pro-Israel. McD’s C-Suite calls it fake news. Still, the chain took a huge hit.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Intel is hosting an AI event

+ But the only thing that matters is its solar eclipse day

Here’s today’s question…

ICYMI above…

It’s come to my attention that some precious TWC emails have been going to spam… or worse… the “Promotions” tab.

The best way to make sure The Water Coolest hits your inbox every day is by responding to an email. It tells email providers that we’re friends (it’s cool because we are).

So here’s what I need you to do.

That’s right, just three little letters.

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.