TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Here’s what’s on the agenda today…
Target (finally) replaces its CEO, Palantir is down horrendously, and Cracker Barrel’s new logo isn’t that bad, you guys.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 31 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who loves Cracker Barrel. If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.
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Non-Target
Most companies give you an engraved acrylic award for 20 years of service. Target allows you to inherit a flaming pile of dog sh*t…
Target $TGT ( ▼ 0.81% ) has got a new CEO. And he’s the sort of cat who heard “these pros ain’t loyal” and said “hold my beer.” Michael Fiddelke, who started as an intern and has worked his way up to COO, will replace Brian Cornell after an 11-year run.
But, hey, look on the bright side, Brian, you don’t have to live in Minneapolis anymore…
Why the changing of the guard?
Anyone who’s been paying attention probably knows that there hasn’t been much to live, laugh, love about Tarzhay lately. The preferred retailer of people who think they’re too good for Walmart (but really aren’t) has a case of long-COVID…
You see, sales have been roughly flat for the past four years (see: post-pandemic). And Wednesday’s earnings call didn’t exactly give investors confidence that a turnaround is in the works.
Same store sales fell again vs. the same period last year and TGT reiterated its guidance… which is predicting a drop in annual sales during the year of our lord 2025. Good luck, Mike.
The place you go to look at things before you buy them on Amazon has done pretty much everything it can to alienate customers and piss off investors. Shoppers have been complaining that stores have begun to feel like sad excuses of their former selves. There are more goods locked behind glass and fewer of the exclusive merch drops that used to get middle-aged moms more horned up than their Pilates teacher, Pablo.
Bry-guy and his team even managed to infuriate the MAGA crowd and the woke mob in one fell swoop (see: launching Pride merch… then pulling Pride merch and gutting its DEI efforts).
Well, at least the Street applauded the CEO change, right?
Not exactly. Turns out, investors weren’t exactly stoked about the guy who’s been part of the problem (friendly reminder: Fiddelke was already in the C-Suite). And I’ve got receipts…
A survey found that 96% of investors were kinda hoping for an outsider to come in and shake things up. Shares fell 6% on the day, meaning the stock has lost nearly ¼ of its value so far in 2025…
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+ Go call your friend whose long PLTR…
It appears investors have begun to realize they aren’t entirely sure what the hell Palantir $PLTR ( ▼ 0.53% ) does, and no one else does either. Shares have officially fallen into correction territory after six straight days of the types of crippling losses Palantir’s technology inflicts on the United States’ adversaries.
And I assure you, no one has ever wanted to say “I told you so” more than Andrew Left from Citron Research does right now. On Monday, Andy doubled down on his bear case for Palantir, calling it “detached from fundamentals and analysis.” Which, ok, fair…
+ Good news for everyone who eats pizza with a fork and knife… the new Google phone just dropped.
During its Made by Google event, Alphabet $GOOG ( ▲ 0.65% ) debuted its Pixel 10 series phones, the Pixel Watch 4, new earbuds, and a bunch of AI features (… that Apple won’t roll out until like 2035).
During the keynote, Google execs threw shade at Apple’s AI “shortcomings.” And the green bubble gang took a not so subtle shot at Tim Cook overpromising and underdelivering with its most recent ad spot…
+ Nothing makes Americans forget about a deadly outbreak of E. coli quite like saving $1.25 on dinner for a family of four…
After careful consideration, McDonald's $MCD ( ▲ 0.25% ) has decided to cut the cost of eight of its most popular combo meals… instead of finally fixing its McFlurry machines. From here on out, the package deals will cost 15% less than the sum of the individual items.
+ Sportsbooks have returned fire. A day after Robinhood $HOOD ( 0.0% ) announced users can “predict” the outcome of NFL and college football games, FanDuel $FLUT ( ▼ 0.31% ) came off the top rope, telling users they can “bet” on stock and commodity prices starting in September. And how lucky are we? The earth is 4.5B years old, and we’re alive when you can hedge your Robinhood NFL predictions with FanDuel stock bets…
+ “Maybe the real mandate was the friend we made along the way.” - J-Poww on the final night of the Fed’s Jackson Hole symposium
If yesterday’s Fed minutes were any indication, the Fed’s Jackson Hole symposium is about to be a movie. We already knew that last month’s meeting marked the first time in more than 30 years that two Fed governors voted against a rate decision, but it wasn’t totally clear just how contentious things were.
The minutes showed that the current state of the economy is tearing apart the FOMC like Scandoval did the Vanderpump Rules cast (don’t judge). Not only is the Committee having a harder time finding common ground on rate decisions, but it appears the Central Bankers are divided about which of the Fed’s mandates is a bigger priority (think: stubbornly high inflation or deteriorating employment).
+ Ok, hear me out… the Cracker Barrel $CBRL ( ▼ 0.62% ) rebrand isn’t that bad…
+ US stocks “mostly slid on Wednesday, continuing a bruising stretch for tech stocks as investors weighed the latest retail earnings and assessed Federal Reserve minutes for clues on interest-rate cuts.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “inched lower on Wednesday as investors analyzed the Federal Reserve's meeting minutes from July.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “climbed about 2% on Wednesday on a bigger-than-expected weekly drop in U.S. crude inventories as investors awaited the next steps in talks to end the Ukraine war, with sanctions on Russian crude remaining in place for now.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s a 16% chance that Cali will have an 8.0+ magnitude earthquake before 2035. (Kalshi)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Target, Lowe's, Baidu, TJX, Estee Lauder, Analog Devices, ZIM, and iQIYI reported before the bell
+ Google held a Pixel event
+ The Federal Reserve released the minutes of its last meeting
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Walmart and Bilibili report before the bell
+ Intuit, Zoom, Workday, and Ross Stores report after hours
+ The Federal Reserve's Jackson Hole Symposium gets underway. This year's theme is "Labor Markets in Transition: Demographics, Productivity, and Macroeconomic Policy”… and by "Labor Markets in Transition: Demographics, Productivity, and Macroeconomic Policy” they mean “Should We Lower Rates, You Guys?”
+ Disney's ESPN will launch its new direct-to-consumer streaming service offering
+ Global flash PMIs for August will be released
+ Foot Locker will hold vote on the proposed merger with Dick's Sporting Goods
Yesterday, I asked, “You get to choose one. What are you taking?”
83.4% of you said “8 hours of great sleep every night for the rest of your life.“
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Free caffeinated beverages (whatever you like) or other stimulant of choice (i.e. Zyn) for the rest of your life: “Only need 5 or 6 hours a nigh if I have unlimited Adderall”
8 hours of great sleep: “8-hours of sleep and proper hydration will change your life. Took me 40+ years to realize this...”
8 hours of great sleep: “Toddlers will make you crave 8 hours of sleep like the Zyn I need without 8 hours of sleep.”
8 hours of great sleep: “I didn’t even read the second option.”
Here’s today’s question…
Staying with same company company for your entire career is certified batsh*t crazy, right?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.