Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… Hilton is dealing with an ICE PR nightmare, Jensen Huang is lukewarm, and xAI went all “funding secured.”
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 39 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
No reservations
“No room at the inn!” - that one guy to the Virgin Mary, and also DHS/ICE
Hilton $HLT ( ▲ 1.65% ) has been dealing with a bigger sh*tstorm than Somali daycares in the state of Minnesota.
On Monday, the Department of Homeland Security pistol-whipped the hotel chain on X (because that’s how things get done now).
DHS accused Hilton of purposely denying rooms to ICE agents in Minnesota investigating daycare fraud/general f*ckery. Apparently, several Hilton-owned hotels canceled reservations and emailed ICE agents with refusals to book rooms.
HLT shares tumbled on the news Monday after the right threatened to go full Cracker Barrel on ‘em, but recovered yesterday after corporate went scorched Earth…
Hilton Hotels’ PR team said that the chain will cut ties with Everpeak Hospitality, the company that owns/operates the Minnesota hotel in question. The Hampton Inn by Hilton Lakeview Minneapolis, in case you were looking to write a negative Yelp review…
Then again, corporate didn’t have much of a choice after “independent journalist” Nick Sortor went and dropped this vid…
Also, can someone with boots on the ground (like, say, an independent journalist) tell me if Minnesota’s biggest export is independent journalists?
F*ck it, I’m sharing The Water Coolest’s secret sauce
I’ve been writing The Water Coolest for 8 years. That includes two years as head of newsletters at Barstool. And today, I help some of your (other) favorite newsletters create must-read content (you’re welcome).
So now feels like the right time to finally pull together all of my thoughts about creating killer newsletter content and building an audience the right way.
Later this month, I’m launching the Chief Newsletter Officer newsletter.
Every Thursday, I’ll send an email to current and aspiring newsletter operators and brands with tactics and takeaways from nearly a decade in the newsletter trenches. No filter, just like TWC.
Join for free today.
+ It’s giving “my girlfriend goes to another school…”
We’re not getting Tony Stark glasses anytime soon, are we? Europeans (and Canadians, which… same thing) will have to wait even longer to secure their own sad excuse for Ray-Ban “smart glasses” that Zuck has been peddling.
Meta $META ( ▼ 0.41% ) announced that it’ll delay the international release of its glasses due to inventory issues and “unprecedented” demand in the US. Meanwhile, I have never met a single person who owns a pair…
Customers in the UK, France, Italy, and Canada will have to wait until all that “enormous” demand is met in the US.
+ Jensen Huang be like…
Jensen just accidentally tanked an entire industry. Cooling system makers (think: water coolest cooled chip chillers) saw share prices tumble after Obi Huang announced some key cooling breakthroughs with Nvidia’s $NVDA ( ▼ 2.15% ) new Rubin chips.
Turns out the new chips can be cooled with room temp water, which I hear is healthier for you anyway. Johnson Controls International $JCI ( ▼ 1.0% ), Modine Manufacturing $MOD ( ▲ 0.27% ), and other water chillers all took heavy losses on the news.
xAI just secured another bag. Elon’s very expensive middle finger to Sam Altman went out and raised $20B from a who’s who of A-list investors: Nvidia $NVDA ( ▼ 2.15% ) and Cisco $CSCO ( ▼ 1.02% )… perhaps you’ve heard of them? This latest round values xAI at around $230B.
@grok, put this funding round in a bikini.
+ Murders and acquisitions…
After Donny Politics got his Clear and Present Danger on in Venezuela, prediction markets are seeing rising odds for further US military seizures. Top of the hit list: the Panama Canal and Greenland…
Yesterday, #47 confirmed that the administration is considering “a range of options,” including the US military, to “acquire” Greenland. *NATO has sued the chat*
Take notes: this is how we’ll know if we’re invading Greenland…
> AMD’s Lisa Su says AI isn’t replacing people, but is changing who gets hired (CNBC) // You, too, can be hired at AMD as long as you swear to teach AI how to replace you one day.
> US to Urge Americans to Cut Down on Added Sugars in New Diet Guidelines (Bloomberg) // What part of the food pyramid is Red 40?
> Trump says Venezuela to give up to 50 million barrels of oil to U.S. (WSJ) // ’*Fortunate Son’ plays on repeat*
+ US stocks “rose to fresh records on Tuesday as investors continued to weigh US moves on Venezuela and braced for a flurry of fresh data this week to shed light on the health of the economy.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield was “relatively unchanged on Tuesday as markets digested heightened geopolitical developments in Venezuela and softer U.S. economic data, with attention shifting toward Friday’s December jobs report.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “jumped in early U.S. trade on Tuesday, with market volatility appearing to subside as traders digested the U.S. capture of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks there’s only a 12% chance that the US acquires Greenland in 2026. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Costco Wholesale dropped its monthly sales report
+ Lenovo CEO Yuanqing Yang delivered a speech at CES
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Cal-Maine Foods reports before the bell
+ Applied Digital and Constellation Brands report after the bell
+ Caterpillar gives a presentation at CES
+ The two-day Bank of America Defense Outlook and Commercial Aerospace Forum gets underway. No word on whether Palantir will be sharing battle plans for the invasion of Greenland.
Yesterday, I asked, “Since most of you said "health" was the top New Year's resolution... What are we doing in 2026 for our main exercise?”
39.2% of you said, “Lifting for gainz: weightlifting, CrossFit, bodybuilding.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Lifting for gainz: weightlifting, CrossFit, bodybuilding: “Best way to work smarter not harder”
Sports: adult rec leagues, pickup basketball, martial arts: “Rowing! It’s every category (strength, cardio, outdoors…) in one, and people do it well into their 70’s (relatively easy on the knees and hips). Downside(?): I’ve joined a cult.”
Low-impact "exercise": yoga, golf, dance: “Golf...it's kinda like hiking (with beers)”
Cardio is king: running, biking, swimming: “Been heavy into running for a couple of years now and this year is the year I’m gonna try to run my first marathon.”
Other: “Sprinting, lifting and yoga. Well rounded FULL BODY”
Here’s today’s question…
Do you or anyone you know own Meta Ray-Bans?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.