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Hey there weekday warrior. Here’s what’s on tap today… Berkshire Hathaway is finally ready to lock in its losses, the TACO trade is alive and well, and Blue Origin wants to put the internet in space.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 49 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
No moracle
Greg Abel: *waits for Warren Buffett to leave*
Also Greg Abel: *hits Ctrl + Z*
New Berkshire Hathaway $BRK.A ( ▲ 0.74% ) CEO Greg Abel (The Snoracle? Cousin Greg? Abel Bodied?) is coming in hot.
Step 1: Remind everyone that nobody’s perfect, even the Oracle
Berkshire Hathaway has formally registered (read: filed the paperwork to sell) its 27.5% stake in Kraft Heinz $KHC ( ▲ 0.8% ). The move paves the way for Greg to unload Warren’s piss-poor investment and begin the process of just sort of pretending it never happened.
In case you weren’t aware (think: you eat like an adult and/or have no kids), Kraft Heinz hasn’t exactly been crushing it since Warren Buffett helped orchestrate the megamerger (spoiler: between Kraft… and Heinz) in 2015.
And I’ve got receipts: KHC’s share price is down ~70% since 2015. Despite collecting nearly 40 Publisher’s Clearing House-sized dividend checks over the years, Berkshire still took a $3.8B write down on its investment last year.
As you've probably gathered, Cousin Greg going all “I don’t want to play with you anymore” to the maker of Lunchables didn’t exactly make things better. The stonk dipped as much as 7.5% on the day.
What’s next?
Well, technically, BH hasn’t offloaded its stake… yet.
But it doesn’t look like they want a piece of the soon-to-be unwound Kraft Heinz. Friendly reminder: one company will house sauces and shelf-stable meals (so, Heinz ketchup) and the other will be the charcuterie board of publicly traded companies (think: meats and cheeses aka Oscar Mayer and Kraft).
I think we can all agree the real victims here are the Heinz HQ employees losing access to free nacho Luchables in the break room…
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+ Bad news if you had paper hands Tuesday…
Donny Deals announced that he reached a “concept of a deal” on Greenland with NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte. Details were scarce (because, duh, Trump), but supposedly there’s a “framework of a future deal” that involves some US mineral rights and #47’s “Golden Dome” missile defense system.
Meanwhile, markets only cared about one thing: TACO (read: Trump Always Chickens Out). Stocks mooned across the board on the news that punitive tariffs are no longer on the table for Europe. Crisis averted, Frenchies.
+ ROI: Rockets. Operating. Internet.
The company that brought you the Katy Perry deepfake space video is developing a new revenue stream. Blue Origin announced plans to get into the satellite internet game. Elon will undoubtedly take this well…
Bezos’s rocket science side hustle plans to send around 5.4k satellites into space to create a network that’ll rival SpaceX and Amazon’s $AMZN ( ▼ 5.56% ) “Leo" project. Wait, what? The new network “TeraWave” is promising speeds of 6 terabits/second, and suddenly my Comcast service rep has some explaining to do…
Amazon is following OpenAI and Anthropic’s lead in coming for WebMD’s crown. Dr. Amazon just released “Health AI,” the latest health bot designed to prescribe you Ozempic instead of giving you actual medical care. The new LLM is part of Amazon’s One Medical app, which Amazon bought for a cool $3.9B in 2023.
+ Somewhere, Joey Chestnut just realized he’s not getting paid enough for this sh*t.
Smithfield Foods $SFD ( ▼ 0.41% ) announced it’s going full Kobayashi. Hot dog maker Nathan’s Famous $NATH ( 0.0% ) is joining the Smithfield portfolio as part of a $450M deal.
> Ryanair CEO trolls Elon Musk, offering ‘big idiot’ sale as Starlink feud rages on (NY Post) // If Twitter taught us anything, it’s that this is the #1 negotiating tactic to get Elon to buy your company.
> Elizabeth Holmes Asks Trump for Early Prison Release After Fraud (Bloomberg) // In her defense, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
> Intel’s stock jumps 11% to highest since early 2022 ahead of earnings (CNBC) // “Leave some for the rest of us” - Jensen Huang
> Top?
Yesterday, I asked, “How many napkins you grabbing at Chipotle?”
29.1% of you said, “Whole stack (keeping some in the car).”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Whole stack (keeping some in the car): “And if I’m feeling extra spicy one of their Tabasco bottles”
10: “if you need more than 4 while you're eating, you need help. then the rest gets put in the car. ”
5: “"Whole stack" grabbers are the same people who were buying toiler paper by the pallet during the early days of covid. ”
5: “Just a dang mess to eat...down my arms to the elbows!”
5: “For the people who chose 1, I bet everything they own is greasy to the touch.”
Here’s today’s question(s)…
You can only save one Kraft Heinz product. The rest are gone forever (and no, you can't just buy other brands or generic brands). Which one are you saving?
+ US stocks “surged to life in Wednesday's session after President Trump struck a less aggressive tone over Greenland in his address to the World Economic Forum (WEF). The Dow Jones Industrial Average led gains by rising 588 points (or 1.21%).” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “fell on Wednesday, as concerns around the “sell America” trade ignited in the previous session were eased following new comments from President Donald Trump.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “fell Wednesday as geopolitical tensions sparked by U.S. President Donald Trump’s push to annex Greenland outweighed a relatively constructive outlook from the International Energy Agency.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) only gives it a 4% chance that Zelenskyy wears a suit and tie at the WEF. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Johnson & Johnson, Charles Schwab, Prologis, Ally Financial, The Travelers Companies, and Halliburton reported before the opening bell
+ Kinder Morgan dropped earnings after hours
+ The Supreme Court heard oral arguments on President Trump's efforts to fire Fed Governor Lisa Cook
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Procter & Gamble, GE Aerospace, Abbott Labs, Freeport-McMoran, and Mobileye report before the opening bell
+ Intel, Intuitive Surgical, and Capital One report after hours
+ The Bureau of Economic Analysis will issue its latest update on Q3 GDP
+ The core PCE price index report for October and November will drop (spoiler: this is J-Poww’s go-to inflation indicator)
Oh, and one more thing…
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Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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