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Hey there weekday warriors,
Private equity just made a deal with the devil (Roger Goodell & the NFL), and what’s the worst that could happen?
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 13 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, want to get your company in front of more than 100k rich, good-looking, and intelligent newsletter subscribers for Q4? We’re booking ads for October, November, and December right now. Reach out via this form and I’ll be in touch.
+ US stocks “saw choppy trading action on Tuesday but the Dow was able to eke out another record close as investors tread carefully on the eve of Nvidia's potentially market-moving earnings report.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “inched up on Tuesday as investors monitored fresh economic data after the Federal Reserve boosted already-high expectations for imminent interest rate cuts.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “fell about 2% on Tuesday on worries that slower economic growth in the U.S. and China could reduce demand for energy, especially after prices surged over 7% during the prior three days.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin fell off a cliff Tuesday afternoon…
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +1.4% 2) Super Micro Computer -2.6% 3) Intuitive Machines -7.0%
The market moves you need to know about…
– Eli Lilly is getting it “GLP-buy-one-get-one” on. The company said it will start selling low-dose formulations of its weight loss drug Zepbound for 50% off MSRP via its DTC website. Shares of Walgreens, which loves selling full-priced Zepbound to full-figured patients got crushed under the weight of the news. The stonk fell 8.9%.
+ Nordstrom delayed the inevitable (a going-out-of-business sale) just a little longer. The luxury retailer beat on the top and bottom lines. However, it did warn of a slowdown in demand for luxury items. Still, shares climbed 7.7% after hours.
– Shortseller Kerrisdale saw what Hindenburg was up to (more on that below) and went all “hold my beer.” Shares of Lumen Technologies cratered 14.5% after Kerrisdale dropped a short report on the networking company.
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10-yard carry
Source: Giphy
Apparently, private equity is getting bored of buying up entire neighborhoods and pricing single mothers out of safe places to raise their children…
Now they’re making a deal with the sports league that brought us Aaron Hernandez and the CTE cover-up (think: the NFL).
At league meetings (which are inexplicably being held in Minnesota) the National Football League voted to allow PE shops to take up to a 10% stake in teams.
This is a BFD given that the NFL was the last major US sports league holdout. The MLB, NHL, and NBA allow for 30% stakes to be purchased by the masters of the universe.
The move shows just how expensive sports franchises are getting. There are only a handful of people in the world who can write a $5B+ check for a sports team. But a little help from deep-pocketed funds could go a long way in helping prices continue to move up and to the right.
Don’t for a second think just anybody is going to be able to buy a team…
The global elites who currently own teams will limit the guest list to other global elites: Ares Management, Sixth Street Partners, Arctos Partners, Dynasty Equity, Blackstone, Carlyle Group, and CVC Capital Partners. The deal was presumably drafted on Little Saint James and signed with the blood of human sacrifices…
The firms collectively boast nearly $2T under management and have committed a total of $12B in capital, which isn’t a whole lot considering the Redskins just changed hands for $6B.
Of course, to get their foot in the door, the PE shops had to commit to some egregious terms (because did you really expect anything less from Roger Goodell?): “no governance rights, no preferred-equity investments and a requirement to hold stakes for a minimum of six years.” Spoiler: that’s a long time in PE years.
+ We can all agree that Travis Kelce made a deal with the devil, right? Like, in his next life, he’s going to come back as a genital wart on someone’s grundel, right?
Let’s recap this dude’s life as of late…
Dating the most famous woman in the world
… which means he gets to hang out with Ryan Reynolds
Has the coolest brother in the world
His mom seems pretty f*cking cool, too, for the record
Landed a role in ‘Happy Gilmore 2’
Became the league’s highest-paid TE
Just won his third Super Bowl (imagine that being this far down the list)
And yesterday he secured the bag from Amazon.
Amazon’s Wondery is paying the Kelce brothers $100M to take their podcast talents to the network.
The three-year deal gives Wondery “global distribution rights to all audio and video episodes” of New Heights.
+ “Who’s next?” - WCW legend, Goldberg & Hindenburg Research
Short seller Hindenburg has identified its next victim: Super Micro Computer (-2.6%). The AI server maker has benefited bigly from the run-up in artificial intelligence stonks. And I’ve got receipts: shares have nearly doubled this year…
That didn’t stop Hindenburg from saying pretty much exactly what you’d think it'd say about a company it has a short position in: SMCI “benefited as an early mover but still faces significant accounting, governance and compliance issues and offers an inferior product and service now being eroded away by more credible competition.”
Investors appear to have called bullsh*t on the report. Shares fell just 2.6%.
Oh, and…
+ Mark Zuckerberg says White House ‘pressured’ Meta to ‘censor’ Covid-19 content. Wait, did Zuck just become a straight shooter?
+ Xpeng releases mass-market EV with basic driver-assist for less than $20,000. Meanwhile at Tesla: ‘Elon halts production of $60k Cybetruck, making $100k version the cheapest available.’
+ Home prices hit record high in June on S&P Case-Shiller Index. Every local real estate agent about to post IG Reels being like ‘BuY BEfoRE pRIceS gO Up aGaiN!”
+ Walmart Takes on Amazon By Adding Pre-owned Watches, Collectibles to Marketplace. Name a bigger flex than getting a Rolex on Walmart.com.
We put your money to work
Betterment’s financial experts and automated investing technology are working behind the scenes to make your money hustle while you do whatever you want.
+ Your mortgage could be an important part of your retirement plan, according to financial experts. Was this written by a boomer who bought their 7k square foot house for $1,700 in 1984?
+ Top 10 colleges for financial aid, according to The Princeton Review — one is in the Ivy League. Have you tried lying and saying your kid is on the rowing team?
+ 79% of Americans who make this one move won’t run out of money in retirement, researchers say. And to the rest of you: enjoy living in a dumpster…
+ Best Home Warranty Companies Of 2024. Always use protection, you guys.
🔥 Nvidia employees can work 7 days a week until 2 a.m. — but few leave because of AI chip giant’s lavish pay: report. And by that, they mean stock-based compensation.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday, BMO dropped earnings before the bell.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ RBC, Li Auto, JM Smucker, and Chewy report before the bell
+ Nvidia, Salesforce, CrowdStrike, HP, Okta, and Affirm drops earnings after the bell
+ Did I mention that Nvidia reports and the success of the entire market depends on it?
Yesterday, I asked, “You get a demotion (2 levels) & you have to make a really cringey LinkedIn post about it (something about what you'll learn from this opportunity) BUT you get a raise (can't tell anyone). You taking that deal?”
70.3% of you are taking the money.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
No: "Tough call. Maybe ‘yes’ if the raise is really big." Big raise in corporate America = 1.5% & an in-office pizza party.
Yes: "Titles are for ego-maniacs and broke people who love the 'Peter Principle'"
No: "Depends on how much of a raise but a demotion would harm future prospects."
No: "A demotion for me would mean working longer hours. Would need to be a pretty big pay bump to consider that."
No: "The only scenario in which I’m ever posting on LinkedIn is if my firstborn was kidnapped and this was the ransom request." Your secondborn is for sure going to have daddy issues.
Yes: "You had me at 'you get a raise'"
Here’s today’s question…
Groomsmen's gifts usually suck. Exhibit A: I gave socks.
Saw this groomsmen’s gift idea: giving each of them a Super Bowl futures bet for their favorite team…
Best groomsmen gift ever?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.