Hey there weekday warriors,
Here’s what’s on tap today… Anthropic (unwillingly) took down another world leader, Paramount said the biggest number, and Jack Dorsey is out here setting layoff records.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 37 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Monitoring the sh*tuation
Giphy
“Ah sh*t, here we go again.” - everyone waking up Saturday morning
In case you rely solely on The Water Coolest for your entire news breakdown (which, flattered), we’re heading back to the Middle East for some infinitely unfinished business.
Over the weekend, the Pentagon presumably ordered a sh*tload of pizzas and launched Operation Epic Fury (think: bombing Iran).
And I know exactly what you’re going to ask next…
Did we optimize our airstrike efforts with AI tech? Of course we did.
Despite Donny Foreign Policy’s Friday ban on federal agencies using Claude, the Pentagon must’ve had some leftover Anthropic tokens…
The DoD went all, “Claude, eliminate Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Make no mistakes.” Meanwhile, @sama’s gotta be punching drywall for being THIS close to getting to have all that blood on his hands.
Ok, but how is this going to affect markets, Tyler?
Well, on Saturday, Iran essentially shut down the Strait of Hormuz. You know, the route that accounts for 20% of all global oil transit.
Oil futures fluctuated as everyone tried to predict just how scorched earth we’re really going here… (See: “Epic Fury”).
Crude surged 11% then retreated quickly as OPEC+ agreed to boost oil output by 206k barrels per day for April, while we await the next AI-powered global regime change…
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+ *Marked as safe from more Paramount-Warner Bros.-Netflix drama*
At long last, we can go back to caring about the only thing that really matters: AI disrupting entire industries on the reg. On Thursday, Warner Bros. Discovery $WBD ( ▼ 0.37% ) decided that Paramount’s $PSKY ( ▲ 2.15% ) latest $31 per share (straight cash, homie) bid was, in fact, superior to NFLX’s $NFLX ( ▲ 13.77% ) original “winning” offer (these media pros ain’t loyal).
Not long after Netflix saw David Ellison’s latest bid, they bowed out of the race. Of course, it could have had something to do with Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos’ trip to the White House to be briefed on the attack on Iran to discuss the admin’s regulatory concerns.
Shares of Netflix popped on the news.
+ Some men just want to watch the world burn…
Jack Dorsey just did what your CEO wishes he could do: cut nearly half of his workforce Going forward, Block $XYZ ( ▲ 16.82% ) (it’s a damn shame such a killer ticker symbol is wasted on Block) plans to “move faster with smaller, highly talented teams using AI to automate more work.”
Shares went bonkers on news that the Cash App maker would cut ~4k employees. In a Tweet, @jack said that he preferred to pull the Band-Aid vs. lay off employees over the coming months and years.
+ “It’s so f*cking big.”
The Producer Price Index report that dropped on Friday was not great, Bob. Core PPI came in way above expectations (0.8% vs. 0.3%). On an annual basis, prices soared 3.6%. Markets reacted accordingly.
In case you failed Econ 101, this is a BFD considering PPI is usually a good indicator of the type of inflation about to hit consumer prices.
You’re dumb (yes, you)
Don't worry, I am too. We all make dumb money moves. Every damn day.
We’ll spend countless hours researching a new investment, but we'll overpay for insurance or home improvements.
See where you're leaving money on the table.
> Tim Cook drops a MAJOR hint that Apple will release a series of brand new products next week - including a touchscreen MacBook Pro (DailyMail) // Looks a lot like Apple Car fender to me…
> All the highlights from Berkshire CEO Abel’s first shareholder letter (CNBC) // “Fine, but I'm not calling him dad…”
> Trump Media considers spinning off Truth Social into public company, reports wider annual loss (Reuters) // Kid Rock to attend the IPO…
> Getting tired of all this winning…
Last week I asked, “Survivor 50 kicked off last night. You watching? What is the GOATed competition show?”
33.9% of you said, “Survivor.” Because, of course, that’s the right answer.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Survivor: “Johnny Fairplay. Enough said. A man before his time. How's his grandma?” Legends never die.
The Amazing Race: “Who doesn't want to travel all over the world? You can go from Austria to Australia and many places in-between and it's a game.” I had high hopes for this option…
Other (write-in): “Give me a break. All of these shows are for weirdos and dorks.” Zero fun at parties, huh?
Naked and Afraid: “One word: side boobs.” A. That’s two words. B. Here’s your BONK.
Other (write-in): “There was nothing better than watching people risk food poisoning and bodily harm for $50k on Fear Factor.” Phenomenal point. Mad at myself for missing that option…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
A lot of you got mad that I didn't include cooking shows in that list (even though it was clearly a different type of competition show). Still, it's a fair point. Pick the greatest cooking competition show known to man.
+ US stocks “ended decisively lower and posted steep weekly declines, with the blue-chip Dow logging its biggest weekly drop since mid-November.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year yield “fell Friday as investors reacted to a stronger-than-expected January wholesale inflation report and a tumbling stock market amid rising fears of artificial intelligence hurting the economy.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices were higher on Friday and were on track for a two-week winning streak after negotiations over Iran’s nuclear ambitions ended in stalemate, raising fears over a military solution disrupting supplies from the Middle East.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s a 68% chance that MrBeast’s million-dollar prize gets solved by March 15 (it could be you…). (Polymarket)
⏪ On Friday…
+ Trump Media reported after the bell
+ The January Producer Price Index report was released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Ast Spacemobile, BigBear, Archer Aviation, Credo Tech Group, MongoDB, Quantum Computing, Plug Power, Riot Blockchain, Ouster, Asana, Core Scientific, and StoneCo report after hours
+ The Department of Justice antitrust trial against Live Nation–Ticketmaster gets underway
Oh, and one more thing…
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Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
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