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Hey there weekday warriors,
Just a heads up that next week, TWC is getting a makeover. Same content… (slightly) different look.
Here’s what’s on tap today… McDonald’s brought back value, January jobs blew everyone’s mind, and Bill Ackman has got a fever, and the only prescription is more Meta.
Enjoy the next 3 minutes and 40 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
McMission Accomplished
Good news, GLP-1 investors…
The fast-food empire that Ray Kroc hamburgled from the McDonald bros. casually smashed earnings after markets closed yesterday.
McDonald’s $MCD ( ▼ 0.45% ) reported a beat on the top and bottom lines yesterday ($7B in revenue and $3.12 EPS).
Per CEO Chris Kempczinski, “By listening to customers and taking action, we have improved traffic and strengthened our value & affordability scores.” Alright then, Chris… you keep your secrets.
Same-store sales jumped 5.7% worldwide and rose 6.8% in the US. *The Star Spangled Banner starts playing*
So what are Ronald and the gang doing right?
One word: value (think: the relaunch of Extra Value Meals). Oh, and promotions like the Grinch meal and the rebirth of Monopoly (I was a Boardwalk away from winning it all…)
Shares of the fine purveyor of diabeetus initially jumped after hours, then reversed course.
Anyway, here’s a quick throwback to simpler days…
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Your unemployed buddy has absolutely zero excuses. The delayed January jobs report just smashed expectations. Employers added 130k jobs in January. That’s a yuge increase from December’s 50k and is probably getting a few analysts fired for predicting a measly 55k.
Unemployment dropped slightly to 4.3%. But then again, 2025 marked the slowest year for job growth since 2020. Health care and social assistance notched the biggest gainz (82k and 42k, respectively).
+ Does this mean Bill Ackman will be taking his tweeting talents to Threads?
Pershing Square just revealed a magnum-sized stake (think: 10% of the fund’s capital) in Meta $META ( ▲ 0.32% ) yesterday. Pershing is betting that Meta shares are discounted due to fears of AI overspending. Friendly reminder: Zuck’s planning to drop $115B-135B in AI capex this year alone.
+ Women getting the chance to discriminate against men in the workplace be like…
OpenAI has fired a female exec for discrimination against a male employee. The glass ceiling is officially shattered. Ryan Beiermeister (think: female Ryan) was previously Sama’s VP of product policy. She denies the allegations. Not to spread rumors or anything, but…
Rumor is that the firing is related to Ryan disapproving of ChatGPT’s “adult mode” (think: BONK). So… cue the wrongful termination suit.
+ Shopify $SHOP ( ▼ 0.3% ) reported mixed earnings for Q4, with a top-line beat of $3.67B, and forecasted Q1 revenue to expand at a “low-thirties percentage rate” YoY. Oh, and the board approved $2B of share buybacks. So markets were pleased, right?
Nope. Shares dropped over 10% on the news and closed down 6.5%… presumably because investors assume online retailers will just vibecode their own e-comm platforms from here on out.
Congrats on your 0.01% APY. Don’t spend it all in one place.
There are savings accounts paying up to 4.21% APY (that's 10x the national average for the record). Yours just isn’t one of them.
Move your idle cash somewhere that it's actually working for you… without all the worries. You'll always have access to your straight cash, homie… and you don't have to deal with all the volatility of the markets.
Spoiler: TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. Hint, hint.
> Warner Bros. Discovery faces activist investor who backs Paramount Skydance’s rival bid over Netflix deal (NY Post) // The plot thickens…
> Instagram chief likens social media addiction to being hooked on a Netflix show in trial testimony (CNBC) // What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
> Real Estate Services Stocks Sink in Latest ‘AI Scare Trade’ (Bloomberg) // Another day, another bloodbath
> Ray-Ban maker EssilorLuxottica says it more than tripled Meta AI glasses sales in 2025 (CNBC) // There is only one use-case for these things…
> Lol. Losers…
Yesterday, I asked, “Now that the shock has faded, what are we ranking as the best Super Bowl ad of 2026?”
31% of you said, “Budweiser’s Clydesdale & eagle.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my response in italics)…
Budweiser’s Clydesdale & eagle: “Budweiser is the goat of superbowl commercials. When the eagle took flight the sun may have been in my eyes too.” Someone cutting onions?
Other (write-in. And don’t you dare say Sveda): “The "Relax It's Just a Blood Test" prostate cancer test commercial.” This guy prostates.
Dunkin’s “Good Will Dunkin”: “Deez Nutz will always get a laugh out of me” And this is why you read TWC every day.
Other (write-in. And don’t you dare say Sveda): “Mike Tyson saying America is fat and how disgusted he was when he gained weight for food.gov / RFK” I was hoping someone would write this in. Gold star.
Xfinity Jurassic Park: “Crowdstrike would have made more sense than Xfinity. Their problem was really one of cyber security, not internet access.” Take it easy, Don Draper.
Other (write-in. And don’t you dare say Sveda): “My local personal injury law celebrity, David Gruber. Dude took up 90% of the local spots in Milwaukee, impressive.” And now he just got a free spot here…
Here’s today’s question(s)…
What is the greatest item McDonald's ever rolled out? (And why?)
+ US stocks “were little changed on Wednesday, as investors digested a January jobs report that blew past expectations on a monthly basis.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “moved higher in reaction to January job growth that was more than double what Wall Street economists had expected.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “gained about 1% on Wednesday, as investors worried about escalating tensions between Iran and the U.S., which were preparing to resume negotiations, while a weekly report showing a large build in U.S. crude inventories limited gains.” (Reuters)
+ The “smart” money (prediction markets) thinks that there’s an 84% chance the government shuts down (again) by February 14. (Polymarket)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Shopify, Vertiv, T-Mobile, Unity Software, Kraft Heinz, Humana, SharkNinja, Hilton, and TotalEnergies reported before the bell
+ Applovin, McDonald's, Cisco, Grab, Quantumscape, Viking, HubSpot, Confluent, Albemarle, Equinix, Paycom, Aurora, and Motorola reported after hours
+ FedEx held an Investor Day event to lay out its multiyear strategy and financial targets
+ New York Fashion Week kicked off
+ The delayed January jobs report was released
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Nebius, Crocs, Zoetis, Brookfield, and Howmet report before the opening bell
+ Coinbase, Arista, Airbnb, Applied Materials, Rivian Automotive, DraftKings, Pinterest, Roku, Toast, Twilio, Dutch Bros, Vertex Pharma, Maplebear, DexCom, Wynn Resorts, and Kinsale Capital Group report after the bell
Oh, and one more thing…
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