Here’s what we’re getting into today…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “reversed gains late in Tuesday's trading day as markets continued to take a breather from a record-setting run that's become the story on Wall Street during the first quarter of the year.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+The 10-year Treasury yield “ticked lower on Tuesday as investors weighed the previous day’s data points and looked ahead to key inflation figures later in the week.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled lower Tuesday as investors took a more mixed view toward the loss of Russian refinery capacity after recent Ukrainian attacks.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin hovered around $70k for most of Tuesday.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Trump Media & Technology Group +16.1% 2) Nvidia -2.5% 3) Reddit +8.8%

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The market moves you need to know about…

– UPS tumbled 8.1% following its investor day presentation. The shipper’s 2026 top-line target came in above expectations, but it warned of some headwinds in the near term.

+ Viking Therapeutics jumped 16.8% after sharing the results of an early-stage trial for its magic weight loss pill. Spoiler: the experimental drug showed positive results… which is good news given that McDonald’s and Krispy Kreme are about to make their partnership official (more on that below).

+ After being up as much as 50% at one point, the stonk formerly known as DWAC, Trump Media & Technology Group, rose 16.1% on its first day of trading.

+ Reddit added another 8.8% on just its fourth full day of trading, despite some unkind words from the analysts over at New Street Research.

What a time to be alive. First, KFC introduces the Chizza. Now this…

It’s official, fatties. After a test period, McDonald’s plans to sell Krispy Kreme donuts at all of its US locations beginning this year. The pastries should be available at every McDonald’s in every East Bumf*ck town in the US by 2026.

For those of you wondering, you’ll be able to get your hands on “original glazed, chocolate iced with sprinkles and chocolate iced cream-filled doughnuts, either individually or in packs of six.” Oh, and don’t worry about running into a Big Daddy situation… they’ll be available all day.

This is a BFD for DNUT…

Krispy Kreme has been leaning into a “hub and spoke” model that allows it to distribute its donuts pretty much anywhere willing to hawk ‘em. Bet you didn’t wake up thinking you were going to get schooled in pastry logistics…

The company currently doles out donuts at about 14k “access points.” Roughly half of those are third-party locations (think: grocery or convenience stores). *Does some quick math* That means the McDonald’s deal will more than double the donut maker’s reach.

That’s probably why it could take up to two years to be able to service every McDonald’s in America. And it’s likely the reason shares of Krispy Kreme mooned more than 39% on the day.

What about McDonald’s?

Sure, this won’t fix McDonald’s current existential crisis (think: consumers seeking more value as prices rise). But it could help it make up ground in the battle for breakfast supremacy vs. Starbucks, Dunkin, etc.

Tyler’s take… Remember when analysts thought that Krispy Kreme would get wiped out by Ozempic and Wegovy? Those dudes have no clue just how willing Americans are to treat our bodies like an absolute dumpster.

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+ The good news is Gabe Plotkin of Melvin Capital was right about GameStop (friendly reminder: he shorted it). The bad news? He was like 3 years too early…

GME got outlined in chalk yesterday after reporting piss-poor earnings. Not only did the mall staple miss on the top and bottom lines bigly, but it also slashed an unspecified number of jobs to cut costs. The end is near, folks.

+ Probably nothing, but… Mastercard and Visa just signed off on one of the largest antitrust settlements in US history. The $30B+ deal ends litigation that dates back to 2005.

Big credit card was accused of charging merchants inflated fees and putting rules in place that kept them from telling customers about other, potentially cheaper, payment alternatives. So, basically, they were doing what Apple does with the App Store.

But before you feel too bad for Mastercard and Visa… they don’t have to cut a check (or pay with card). The “$30B settlement” will come in the form of a 4 basis point fee reduction over the next 3 years. Plus, the rates they can charge will be capped for the next five years.

Oh, and they’ll scrap those sketchy provisions that steer consumers toward cards.

Shares of both were largely unchanged, mostly because this didn’t exactly come as a shock (see: 2005 start date) and news that the sh*tshow was behind them was seen as positive.

+ Mark your calendars, Apple fanbois. Apple’s Worldwide Developer’s Conference will take place June 10th-14th. That means we’ll get a keynote from Tim Cook. And he’ll presumably address the elephant in the room: the Apple Car artificial intelligence. Tim said earlier this year he’ll give an update on Apple’s AI initiatives and products “later this year” (so, at WWDC).

+ In case you were wondering, it doesn’t look like the Baltimore bridge disaster will have a major economic impact on the US. That being said, it will certainly impact the Port of Baltimore, which could be shut down for weeks or months. The billions of dollars of freight flowing into and out of Baltimore will need to find a new route.

Oh, and Grace Ocean, which owns the ship, could surprisingly face fairly limited liability. That’s all thanks to an obscure 1851 law that was used by the owners of the Titanic…

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Paychex, Carnival, Jefferies, and Rumble report

Yesterday, I asked, “Shohei Ohtani is definitely the one with the gambling problem, right?”

You guys think that Shohei is guilty until proven innocent. 80.9% of you believe he was the one gambling.

Here’s today’s question…

The NFL is out here stealing from the XFL. The League is implementing one of the biggest rule changes ever. So…

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.