George Washington, Abe Lincoln… Tim Cook.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 41 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Remember when Apple used to be the first one to do stuff? Bring me back…

Tim Apple just threw his iHat in the AI hardware ring. Apple (+0.6%) will make its biggest-ever US investment: a $500B bet 'on the future of American innovation'. USA! USA! USA!

A yuge chunk of the dollars will go towards AI initiatives (duh). And it will let Apple do the unthinkable: slap a “Made in America” sticker on some of its products…

AAPL’s new manufacturing facility in Houston, TX is slated to open in 2026. The 250k sq ft sweatshop will produce servers for Apple Intelligence. And does no one care about child laborers who are going to be out of a job in Asia?

But wait, there’s more…

Apple is also staffing up harder than Chipotle (-0.5%) during “burrito season,” with plans to hire 20k new US employees for R&D, engineering, and development work (read: the traitors who train robots to take over). 

“More. MORE. MORE!” - Timmy Capex

Warren Buffett’s former favorite company will even be doubling its US Advanced Manufacturing fund (from $5B to $10B) and creating a new manufacturing academy in Michigan. They don’t call it the Silicon Valley of the Midwest for nothing…

Of course, the haters were out in full force…

The WSJ was quick to call bullsh*t on Apple’s math. It ran the numbers and claims Apple was probably going to spend about $500B over the next four years anyway. If that’s the case, Tim Apple just put on a masterclass in PR and should be applauded for his efforts.

The Journal (and pretty much everyone else) were also quick to point out that Apple had already been making moves towards spending more at home thanks to Donny Politics’ tariffs… so it’s not really a “new” $500B.

Tax season is here, but if your CPA is only checking in now—or worse, still MIA—it’s time to cut ties. You need a proactive, year-round tax strategy—not last-minute scrambling.

Switch to Gelt now and get 10% off your first year if you sign up by March 15th!

Gelt is next-level, offering:

✅ Tailored tax strategies to minimize liability and maximize deductions

✅ A tax management platform to keep you in control year-round

✅ End-to-end compliance for both personal & business taxes—no surprises

✅ Ongoing consultation with expert CPAs that keep you optimized

Don’t settle for a CPA who only shows up at tax time. Limited spots are available for this tax season.

+ The Shortseller Enrichment Commission is scrapping its investigation into Robinhood’s (-3.2%) crypto division. But Vlad isn’t the only one dodging bullets right now. On Friday, Coinbase (-3.5%) announced that the SEC was tossing a witch hunt lawsuit it first brought in 2023. SBF punching air right now (speaking of Scam Bankman-Fried, he began tweeting from behind bars last night…)

Under Donny Crypto’s administration (and with the homie Mark Uyeda keeping Gary G’s chair warm), it’s looking like the new, chill SEC may come through on some of its promises to ease up on the crypto-sphere. That news is a BFD for Robinhood. Reminder: Nearly half of HOOD’s $672M Q4 revenue came from crypto trading…

Ok, now it’s the CFTC’s turn to take a page out of the SEC's playbook and give the people what they deserve: sports betting events contracts.

+ Might be a good day for Domino’s shareholders to order up an emergency pizza.

Domino’s (-1.4%) just delivered a piping hot Q4 earnings L with a miss on the top and bottom lines. Same-store sales in the US only saw 0.4% growth in Q4, compared to analysts expectations of 1.6%.

Still, CEO Russell Weiner (*double checks* yes, that’s his real name) said Domino’s would keep charging ahead on special promotions like the Emergency Pizza Deal and bring back 50% discounted “boost weeks.” You the real MVP, Russ.

+ “Deepseek? Never heard of em.” - all these Anthropic investors

Anthropic just secured $3.5B as part of a round led by Lightspeed Venture Partners. The infusion takes Anthropic’s valuation to $61.5B, more than triple its last valuation of $18B (because, math). But still short of Elon’s valuation of OpenAI.

At least the timing makes sense, even if the valuation is pricier than expected. Yesterday, Anthropic dropped its latest model, “Claude 3.7 Sonnet” (guys, we gotta stop letting the engineers name these models). The new model was created as a “hybrid” that can both reason out complex answers and rattle off rapid-fire responses (think: one model to handle both a software developer and your grandma asking what Skibidi Toilet means).

+ Another day, another retail investor left holding the bag. Palantir’s (-10.5%) share price tanked again following a huge drop last week in reaction to Alex Karp’s stock sale plan and the Pentagon budget getting slashed.

+ Starbucks (+1.2%) is following through on its plans to cut 1.1k corporate employees to increase “efficiency.” Short the blue hair dye industry.

+ Save some for the rest of us, Warren. Berkshire Hathaway (+4.1%) shares hit a record high Monday after The Oracle’s company posted its highest-ever quarterly profit, driven mostly by Geico’s turnaround.

+ Elizabeth Holmes and former lover (*throws up in mouth a little bit*) Sunny Balwani both just got hit with the “Do not pass go, do not collect $200” (read: go directly to jail). The 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals upheld Holmes’ and Balwani’s original convictions.

+ 40-year-old early retiree with $3.6 million in savings shares 3 books that helped him get there. Wow, I was not expecting them to say the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ trilogy…

🔥 Parents with these 2 toxic habits raise kids who are bad with money, says investment firm CEO. #1: Enrolling in Hustler’s University

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

+ US stocks “sold off into the close on Monday as investors weighed the prospects of President Donald Trump's tariff policies and also shifted focus to this week's Nvidia (NVDA) earnings.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year yield “ticked down on Monday as investors looked to a busy week ahead, with a flurry of economic data due including a key inflation reading and insights on housing.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices settled higher on Monday as fresh U.S. sanctions on Iran and a commitment to compensate for overproduction by Iraq added to concerns of near-term supply tightness, helping the market recover some of Friday's steep losses.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “continued to slide on Monday, hurt by not just by massive bearish price action in most of the rest of crypto, but also as U.S. stocks struggle to pull out of their recent downturn.” (CoinDesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Visa +0.3% 2) Nvidia -3.0% 3) Hims & Hers Health +4.1% // AH: -18.1%

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Domino's reported before the bell

+ Hims & Hers Health, Realty Income, Zoom, Tempus AI, Riot Platforms, Navitas Semiconductor, Diamondback Energy, Trex, and Public Storage reported after the close

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Home Depot, DigitalOcean, and American Tower report before the bell

+ Intuit, CAVA, Workday, Lucid, Axon, First Solar, Lemonade, Zeta, Maplebear, Coupang, AMC Entertainment, and ZoomInfo report after the bell

+ Apple will hold its annual meeting

+ PayPal hosts its Investor Day

Yesterday, I asked, “Is it weird to eat at a Hooters in the year of our lord 2025?”

Yes won with 50.6% of the votes.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

And here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.