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Don’t freak out, but we just had the biggest acquisition of the year. Plus, CPI did not disappoint.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 14 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “edged mostly higher Wednesday as Wall Street embraced another encouraging signal on consumer prices that is set to help shape the near-term future of interest-rate policy.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell slightly Wednesday as investors considered the latest inflation data and what it could mean for the economy and Federal Reserve monetary policy.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled 1% lower on Wednesday after U.S. crude inventories rose unexpectedly and as worries eased slightly that a wider Middle East conflict could threaten supplies from one of the world's major regions for crude production.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin fell 3% after the sugar high from the CPI print wore off.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +1.6% 2) Starbucks -2.0% 3) AST SpaceMobile -0.7%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ So you're telling me there's a chance? Shares of Hawaiian Airlines soared 6.1% on news that the DOJ agreed to extend the review of its proposed merger with Alaska Air by one day. Friendly reminder: the Department of Justice is suing to block the deal…

– Today in “things you don’t want to hear from a company in your portfolio”: EV maker Workhorse (great name, terrible company), delayed its Q2 results by a week. This comes just two months after completing a 1-for-20 reverse stock split that kept its share price above $1 (barely). Tell me the end is near without telling me. Shares fell 5.1% on the day.

+ Shares of Flutter (think: FanDuel) jumped 8.0% after reporting an earnings beat, and more importantly, indicating that it wouldn’t follow DraftKings in taxing winners (spoiler: DraftKings quickly reversed course).

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“F*ck Ozempic, all my homies hate Ozempic.”

Mars dgaf about GLP-1s. It knows America has got a fever, and the only prescription is more high fructose corn syrup.

The privately held company responsible for M&Ms and KitKat is buying Kellanova (+7.7%) for $36B. Fun fact: that makes it the biggest acquisition of 2024. The MSRP represents a 33% premium to Kellanova’s share price from when news broke that the two were in discussions earlier this month.

I wasn’t really familiar with your game…

Kellanova might sound like a pharmaceutical company manufacturing generic b*ner pills (not that there is anything wrong with using those, you guys), but I promise you’re familiar with the brand’s lineup. Kellanova was spun off from Kellogg’s last October and houses the cereal company’s snack portfolio.

Of course, calling it a snack portfolio doesn’t exactly do it justice. It’s put together the '96 Bulls of vending machine delicacies (play this while reading the starting lineup): Cheez-It, Pringles, Pop-Tarts, Eggo, RXBAR, Special K Bars, and Rice Krispies Treats.

Why?

The move will help the combined brands better navigate the slowdown in consumer spending and the GLP-1 era that could put an end to the obesity epidemic in America (…but probably won’t, because Cheez-Its will always taste better than being in shape feels).

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Mars pinky promised that it doesn’t plan to jack up prices (… which is exactly what I’d tell regulators before I jacked up prices). Something about synergies…

Of course, that’s easy to say the same day inflation officially died (see: CPI report).

+ You guys remember when the internet bullied Wendy’s into reversing their decision to test “surge pricing”?

Welp, it appears that the people have spoken again. This time, DraftKings (+1.9%) reversed course on plans to tax winners in states with the highest sportsbook taxes.

Probably not a coincidence that DK made the announcement just after its biggest competitor (Flutter aka FanDuel) reported a yuge quarter, and more importantly, did not announce a winner’s tax.

+ All systems go.

There’s only one thing left for the economic Gods to decide: will they give us a 25 basis point rate cut or 50 in September?

You see, yesterday we got a pretty, pretty favorable CPI print. Both the core and missionary CPI readings came in below expectations.

Spoiler: that should be all she wrote for any doubts in J-Poww’s mind about cutting rates (especially after healthy PPI data on Tuesday).

+ What do Warren Buffett and 14-year-old girls have in common? *Chris Hansen’s Spidey senses begin tingling*

They both f*cking love Ulta Beauty (-0.7% // +13.6%). The Oracle of Oil-free Concealer dropped Berkshire’s 13F on Tuesday, and at least one position was a bit of a head-scratcher. BRK added 690k shares of Ulta in its most recent quarter, making it one of the few additions to Warren’s brokerage account.

Meanwhile, Berkshire reduced its exposure to Apple in a major way (which we already knew) and totally exited its stake in Paramount Global and Snowflake.

Oh, and…

+ Victoria’s Secret taps Rihanna’s lingerie company’s CEO amid declining sales. Does anyone else think about that one story from the ‘Social Network’ every time someone mentions VS?

+ Pershing Square reveals Nike stake among Q2 moves, shoe giant's shares rise 4% after hours. Bill Ackman continues to invest like a 14-year-old with some Bar Mitzvah money and a brand-new Robinhood account.

+ Subway calls ‘emergency’ meeting with franchisees as sales plummet: sources. It’s pretty much a lock that we’re getting the $5 footlong back…

+ Some experts have raised the odds of a recession. Here’s how much you should have in emergency savings. Spoiler: more than you do now.

+ Earn up to 20,000 miles after spending just $500 on purchases in the first 3 months with this 0% intro APR credit card. It’s time to make credit card miles your entire personality.

+ The Tech Job Paying Six Figures, No College Degree Required. This sounds like what a solar panel recruiter says to you right before he pitches you on becoming a door-to-door salesman…

🔥 The 10 most affordable places to live in the U.S. based on quality of life, the job market and more. #1: Your mom’s basement.

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⏪ Yesterday, UBS, Cardinal Health, and Sphere Entertainment reported before the bell. Cisco dropped earnings after hours.

And we got July CPI data.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Walmart, Alibaba, Deere, JD.com, and Grab report this AM

+ Applied Materials reports after hours

+ Retail sales data for July drops

Yesterday, I asked, “You can only eat at one of Brian Niccol’s former employers for the rest of your life. Which is it?”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

Here’s today’s question…

Roark Capital owns Subway, Dunkin, Arby’s, and Cheesecake Factory…

+ Disney just f*cked over the family of a doctor who died at one of its parks… thanks to the most outrageous loophole of all time (IG)

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.