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Hey there weekday warrior,
This is not a drill: the Snack Wrap is back.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 30 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “drifted lower on Thursday as investors waited for Friday's crucial jobs report and bitcoin (BTC-USD) slid after reaching a new high of over $103,000.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “finished marginally lower at 4.18%. Thursday’s closing level was the lowest since Oct. 18.” (MarketWatch)
+ Oil “fell on Thursday as investors weighed an ample supply outlook for next year against OPEC+ delaying its planned output increase by three months to April 2025.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “jumped above the $100,000 price point for the first time late Wednesday and continued to climb past $103,000, remaining above the milestone mark into Thursday—but it's finally dropped back into five figures.” (Decrypt)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) MicroStrategy -4.8% 2) Archer Aviation +10.0% 3) Nvidia -0.04%
The market moves you need to know about…
+ Sike! Turns out, rumors of the makeup industry’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. Ulta Beauty beat on the top and bottom lines yesterday while hiking its full-year earnings guidance. Shares jumped 12.1% after hours.
+ Lululemon shares popped 9.1% in the extended session after dropping better-than-expected earnings. Thank you for your service, coastal elites. It probably didn’t hurt that LULU adjusted its 2024 earnings expectations upwards and increased its buyback program by another $1B.
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Looking like a snack
McDonald’s is playing nothing but the hits…
This week, the McRib made its triumphant return to McDonald’s (+1.4%) menus around the country. And according to the burger joint the Jose Canseco to the McRib’s Mark McGwire is mounting a comeback as well…
That’s right, McDonald’s is bringing back the McPizza the Snack Wrap, a fan favorite that was discontinued in 2016. US Prez Joe Erlinger was unclear about exactly when we can sink our teeth into what is just a sad, soggy chicken nugget in a tortilla… but indicated it will be during the year of our lord 2025…
Make McDonald’s Great Again
McDonald’s is putting on a masterclass in PR right now. Not that it really had a choice…
The home of McGriddle has had a rough 2024. Coming into the year, it was dealing with plummeting sales as inflation-weary diners balked at higher prices. See: $18 Big Mac meal.
Then, just as the company appeared to turn the corner with the success of its $5 value menu, it was rocked by an E. Coli outbreak at a number of its restaurants in the western US. Earlier this week, the CDC gave McD’s the all-clear, but the damage was done (…just ask the overworked septic systems of the victims).
In addition to enticing fanboys and pre-diabetics with the McRib, it’s throwing money at the problem like a wealthy parent who is “always at the office.” HQ will inject $100M into impacted restaurants to bring customers back.
And now, it’s hoping the allure of the Snack Wrap will help it return to the promised land.
Ok, now fix the McFlurry machines…
+ The tinfoil hat gang has entered the chat…
The assassination of UnitedHealth (-5.2%) CEO Brian Thompson just keeps getting stranger. ICYMI, or are just coming down from your Thanksgiving bender, Thompson was murdered in Midtown Manhattan Wednesday morning by what appeared to be a professional hitman.
And everyone is asking the same thing: “why?”
It’s still not totally clear, but there are a bunch of new details emerging that internet sleuths are eating up. Like how the words “deny,” “defend” and “depose” were written on the shell casings of the bullets used in the murder. Spoiler: those three words describe insurers’ tactics for denying healthcare claims…
And last night we got an eerie image of the would-be killer smiling in security footage before going all Desmond Miles.
+ Babe wake up, Trump just named Hawk Tuah girl David Sacks as crypto and AI czar…
To be fair, it was a better choice than Chamath of Jason Calacanis. The All In pod co-host (and filthy rich venture capitalist) will help guide the White House’s policy on artificial intelligence and crypto, according to a Truth Social post from Donald Trump.
+ Our long national nightmare continues…
The most influential female podcaster in the game is catching heat for her recent product launch. Spoiler: I’m not talking about Alex Cooper’s Unwell thirst quencher…
Hailey Welch aka the Hawk Tuah girl is the latest celeb embroiled in a crypto rug pull saga. On Wednesday, the host of Talk Tuah launched the HAWK coin (well, technically she was just hawking that thang).
It immediately popped after launch, reaching a market cap north of $490M (I sh*t you not). Of course, that was because a bunch of insiders and snipers gobbled up like 90% of the float before they began unloading (at a profit). The rapid selloff sent $HAWK down nearly 90%. You know, rug pull 101 stuff, you guys.
+ Bah gawd, that’s Roaring Kitty’s music…
Roaring Kitty aka Deep F*cking Value aka Keith Gill Tweeted for the first time in September… and sent a chill down the spine of hedge fund managers everywhere.
The cryptic post showed a cover of TIME Magazine featuring a computer screen, showing a video player. The internet was quick to point out that it was a Photoshopped version of TIME’s Person of the Year cover for 2006. Theories abound as to what the mysterious tweet may mean, especially since the timestamp of the video is “1:09/4:20.” Hint: 1:09 = 69 seconds.
As you probably already guessed, Roaring Kitty’s favorite stonk, GameStop (+5.9%) mooned on the news. In fact, it was halted for volatility almost immediately.
+ A crypto millionaire has launched a nationwide ‘treasure hunt’—and hidden multiple bitcoin worth more than $100,000 each. Sign. Me. Up.
+ The salaries Americans say they consider the minimum to be "financially successful.” I’ll save you the click… Gen Z thinks you’re poor…
🔥 Snoop Dogg gave his daughter $1 million for her wedding—here’s what he’d do with the money. Dude, we get it, you like weed.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday, Kroger and Dollar General reported before the bell. And Lululemon, Ulta, DocuSign, Gitlab, UiPath, Asana, and HP Enterprise dropped earnings after the close.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ The only thing that really matters is the November jobs report…
Yesterday, I asked, “Should spouses be invited to company Christmas parties?”
65.7% of you think yes.
Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
No: "My ex-wife was a nightmare every year, getting drunk and giving her 2 cents to my boss.”
Depends: "It depends,Are we banging on the conference table?”
No: “It's not that I am doing anything weird or obnoxious, it is that I don't want to spend the party having to introduce her to people I really don't like”
Yes: “Christmas party? Do you get one? I don’t get one (not even a pizza lunch for “employee morale”)." Yes, for The Water Coolest Christmas party I drink by myself on the couch like Billy Bob Thornton in ‘Bad Santa.’
No: "I might want to hookup with a co-worker for awhile."
No: "I don't want to go anyway. To mine or hers. Not being invited is win win. Why drag the spouse along to witness coworkers making small talk about work on a Saturday night. Blech"
And here’s today’s question…
Hypothetical time.
Some ground rules…
No loopholes like “I’ll bathe with a hose” or “in a lake.” ANY time you bathe you deal with the same uncomfortable temperature
You get $20k a month for the rest of your life, but you can't take a warm shower/bath (it's not freezing, but let's say just below room temperature, so it kinda sucks) for the rest of your life. You taking the deal?
+ Billy Long (Donald Trump’s pick to lead the IRS) is a former auctioneer. This video of him going full auctioneer mode on Capitol Hill while discussing the national debt is awesome…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.