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Hey there weekday warrior,
The SEC sued Elon yesterday, and he responded exactly how you’d expect…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 4 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “closed mixed Tuesday as investors took in the first of two key inflation reports this week, which showed prices rose less than expected in December. Also in focus was a report that the incoming Trump administration could hike tariffs more gradually to ease inflationary pressures.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “was flat Tuesday as traders digest a cooler than expected rise in wholesale prices in December, and looked toward the release of consumer price data.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices slipped on Tuesday after a U.S. government agency forecast steady U.S. oil demand in 2025 while lifting its forecast for supply.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “bounced on Tuesday, rising with other risk assets as traders digested a light inflation reading.” (CNBC)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Trump Media & Technology Group -8.3% 2) Nvidia -1.1% 3) Tesla -1.7%
The market moves you need to know about…
– Signet Jewelers (think: Zales and Key Jewelers) shares fell 21.6% Tuesday after cutting its Q4 sales forecast. CFO/COO Joan Hilson said that holiday sales “underperformed as consumers gravitated to lower price points.” No word on if he went to Jared…
– Eli Lilly shares dropped 6.5% after the drugmaker slashed its revenue guidance Tuesday. The makers of Mounjaro (diabeetus) and Zepbound (obesity) blamed lower demand for their drugs. To be fair, the (expected) full-year 2024 revenue of ~$45B is still a 32% jump from ‘23…
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Lawsuit secured
Source: Giphy
Babe wake up… new Elon Musk witch hunt just dropped.
The Shortseller Enrichment Commission is suing Elon for committing securities fraud (again) prior to his purchase of Twitter/X… all the way back in 2022. *puts on tinfoil hat* Probably just a coincidence that a suit is being filed against Donny Politics’ sugar daddy with just 5 days left in the Biden administration.
The SEC alleges that in the year of our lord 2022 while Twitter was still publicly traded, the Plaintiff was hoovering up shares of Twitter ahead of making arguably the worst financial decision anyone has ever made… ever (see: buying Twitter for $44B).
The problem? He exceeded the SEC’s 5% ownership threshold without disclosing his position within a 10-day window. When Elon finally did make the announcement, 11 days late and holding a 9% ownership stake, shares mooned 27%.
The SEC claims the power move saved him nearly $150M on his final acquisition cost. Not to mention, investors missed out on some girthy gainz thanks to Elon being a real G and moving in silence like lasagna.
Clapback
Musk dunked on the SEC on X… because, of course, he did.
And his lawyers don’t think the SEC has a case… because, of course, they don’t.
To be fair, this investigation has been going on for years, and last month he received a settlement demand… which Elon’s legal team believes was a bluff by the Commish.
+ The results are in… JPMorgan (+1.3%) President and COO Daniel Pinto does not have that dog in him.
Pinto will step down from his role as COO and Pres of America's largest bank in June... which means Jamie Dimon's long-time #2 will not be ascending the throne. He'll be replaced by Jennifer Piepszak. But... spoiler... she won't be CEO either.
In a statement that gives major beta vibes, the bank said Jenn "does not want to be considered for the CEO position at this time."
So, who's going to be the Tom Wambsgass to JPMorgan's Logan Roy? Consumer Bank Chief Marianne Lake appears to be the leader in the clubhouse.
The People’s Republic has a backup plan, and it’s a move straight out of the ‘The Art of the Deal’. A quick recap if you’ve neglected to open TWC for a few days: TikTok must sell to a US buyer or face a nationwide ban by January 19. And SCOTUS seems ready to side with the Biden administration after hearing TikTok’s attempt to play the free speech card.
Chinese officials are pulling rank on TikTok’s parent company ByteDance with a new plan: reject all other suitors and have Musk acquire and run TikTok’s US Operations. Elon is about to have more jobs than a high schooler who got way too into Gary Vee.
+ “Felt cute, might delete 3,600 jobs later” - Zuck
Meta (-2.3%) is cutting 5% of its workforce, per a memo Zuckerbot posted on Tuesday. Layoffs are targeted at “low performers”... and by that, he means DEI hires. Fact-checkers should probably update their LinkedIn profiles too (friendly reminder: Meta announced its shift to the Community Notes model this week). BONUS: we got a sneak peek of Meta’s newest recruiting video.
+ “Hold up, let him cook…” - every American who has ever paid taxes
Donny Politics just introduced The External Revenue Service... which is exactly what it sounds like. The ERS will handle tariffs, duties, and all revenue from foreign sources… because Americans know that nothing bad has ever happened when you tax foreign entities without representation. #47 says the new agency will go live immediately upon his re-inauguration.
+ Airbnb CEO says the best bosses can be mistaken for micromanagers: ‘Great leadership is presence, not absence’. Tell me you’re a micromanager without telling me…
🔥 OpenAI CEO Sam Altman: The new No. 1 ability you need to succeed—it’s not raw intelligence. It’s a small ($8M-$10M) loan from your wealthy parents.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday we got the Producer Price Index
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ It's that time of the year again... JPMorgan, Goldman, BlackRock, Citi, and Wells Fargo kick off earnings szn
+ December CPI data drops
Yesterday, I asked, “Would you rather have more time or money in 2025?”
61.6% of you are taking the money.
Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Time: “There’s a reason vampires who live forever are always filthy rich. Given enough time, you accumulate money, it’s science.”
Money: "Time IS money!”
Time: "You can always make more money. You can't make more time!! You ask any successful person later in life, and they will almost always say that their biggest regret is not spending more time with their family. You will never get that back."
Money: "There’s always more time than you think when you have money - uber / direct flights / skip the line passes etc..”
And here’s today’s question…
Apparently, times are tough at Jack Daniel’s. Got me thinking…
You can only save one alcohol category. The rest disappear from earth forever. Which are you keeping?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.