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Hey there weekday warrior,
Nobody, and I mean nobody, is happier about the capture of Luigi Mangione than Jay-Z…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “pulled back on Monday as Nvidia (NVDA) shares slipped amid a Chinese antitrust probe and investors prepared for this week's consumer inflation report.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “edged higher on Monday ahead of key economic data out later this week.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “climbed more than 1% on Monday on higher geopolitical risk after the fall of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, and as top importer China flagged its first move towards a loosened monetary policy stance since 2010.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “popped back above the $100,000 mark Monday morning, but the six-figure position didn't last for long: The price of the leading cryptocurrency has fallen below $97,000 as of this writing, with other major assets falling alongside.” (Decrypt)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Palantir -5.0% 2) AMD -5.5% 3) Nvidia -2.5%
The market moves you need to know about…
– Comcast CEO Dave Watson sent the stock down 9.5% after (over) sharing that Comcast is on track to lose over 100k subscribers in Q4. The real mystery is if all those people will actually be able to figure out how to cancel their Xfinity subscription…
– Nvidia tumbled 2.5% on the news that Jensen Huang and Co. are about to get the full cavity search treatment courses of President Xi. Chinese regulators are “investigating” whether NVDA violated anti-monopoly laws in its acquisition of Israeli tech company Mellanox.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we got him (allegedly)
Source: Giphy
The NYPD has their man in the murder of UnitedHealthcare (+2.3%) CEO Brian Thompson.
Luigi Mangione has been charged with murder in PA. And allow me to state the obvious: Luigi is going to be very popular in prison (look at that chiseled jaw and that smile… that damned smile).
Mangione, who is giving major Waluigi vibes, was caught in Altoona, PA… at a McDonald's yesterday AM. And imagine a sadder place to have to spend your last day as a free man.
A McDonald’s employee called the police after they saw a man acting suspiciously. Well, more suspiciously than all the other people ordering McRibs and asking when the Snack Wrap is dropping…
Luigi, a 2020 UPenn grad, was caught with a ghost g*n (think: 3D printed) and a silencer that was “consistent” with the murder weapon. He also had a bunch of cash and fake IDs (one that matched the name of a man who checked into an NYC hostel where the suspected killer stayed).
Oh, and he had some handwritten notes (a manifesto, if you will) that indicated he really disliked corporate America and the insurance industry. Social media sleuths also pointed to his reading history and social media accounts that indicate he might have had a bone to pick with the leader of a major health insurer.
Listen, I’m not a lawyer, but I’ve seen enough SVU (and am familiar enough with bird law) to know that it’s so over for Luigi…
+ This is the acquisition of Lina Khan's wet dreams. Sure, killing a merger between two airlines is cool, but blocking a deal between beloved candy makers would be her Magnum Opus.
You see, it appears that Mondelez (-2.2%) is kicking the tires on Hershey (+10.8%)... again. It made a $23B bid for its competitor back in 2016. HSY's current market cap was just shy of $40B as of yesterday’s close.
The deal could make sense given the slowing growth of packaged food. The industry has already seen a fair share of consolidation.
It’s cuffing season, and NYC advertising giant Omnicom (-10.2%) is wifing up rival NYC advertising giant Interpublic Group (+3.5%). The $30B deal will be the all-stock variety… and create the largest ad agency in the world in a deal that will undoubtedly usher in the next generation of evil consumer propaganda.
Omnicom emerged as the bigger swingin’ d*ck: Their name goes on the building, and their leadership will “take it from here,” assuming shareholders OK the deal.
+ “Oh good, another platform’s AI chatbot that I can talk to,” said no one ever.
Reddit (+2.7%) is beta-testing its brand new Reddit Answers feature: an AI-powered function that searches the bowels of Reddit comments and collates the information to answer more complex questions.
Wait, doesn’t Gemini already do that?
Turns out, yes, Google is licensing content from Reddit for their AI results. Remember the glue pizza debacle?
Unfortunately for all the horn dogs out there, the platform indicated “People will be able to use Reddit Answers to query any topic except those deemed NSFW.” Wen P-Hub AI bot?
+ Oracle (-0.6% // -7.8% after hours) employees should be ashamed of themselves. How do you people expect your billionaire boss to afford to buy his (much) younger (5th) wife’s alma mater a quarterback with this type of performance?
Despite a yuge 2024 that has propelled Larry Ellison to #3 on the world’s richest list, Oracle stumbled in Q3. It missed (admittedly) pretty high expectations on the top and bottom lines. Another victim of Nvidia forcing everyone to play on hard mode…
It also shared guidance that came in below the Street’s consensus. David Ellison gotta be bummed he’s not getting another legacy media property for Christmas…
+ Putting Your Marathon Time on Your Résumé: Healthy Fun or Cringey Flex? We used to be a country. A proper country…
+ Capital gains tax on real estate: How much you'll pay when you sell a home. Friendly reminder: you only pay taxes if the government knows about the transaction.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday we heard from Oracle, C3.ai, and MongoDB after the close
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ GameStop reports after the close
Yesterday, I asked, “You get paid $3M per year to be the CEO of one of the major health insurers in the US (think: UnitedHealth, CVS, Cigna) but the first thing you have to do is increase claim denials by 10%. And you cannot have personal security detail. Do you take the job?”
75.3% are a hard pass.
Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Yup: "Yep. Step 1 - Buy a Kevlar jacket (think John Wick style) and hope for a potential body shot. Then fake death and run the company from an island in the South Pacific."
Hell no: "Change that to a B and I would.”
Yup: "I'd just call in remote to every board meeting..."
Hell no: "$3 mill a year to have the weight of the sick, diseased and maimed bearing down on your soul? Absolutely not for a penny less than $15 mill with an assortment of great underlings that want my job and will do everything. And unlimited access to a PJ.” Is there any point in being a CEO if you don’t get access to the PJ?
Hell no: “The insurance CEO subscribed to the Water Coolest is laughing at all of us answering yes to this question as they make 20x this every tear” Impossible, I unsubscribed them all…
And here’s today’s question…
Hurry, before RFK Jr. bans both of them…
Only one brand portfolio stays. The other vanishes from the face of the Earth. Which are you KEEPING?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.