On Saturday, I sent an update on the F*CK ZUCK WATER COOLEST REFERRAL PROGRAM. Last month, you guys raised $154 for the Shriner’s Hospital by referring 154 people to The Water Coolest.

That’s pretty f*cking awesome.

But I think we can do better…

Friendly reminder: for every subscriber a weekday warrior refers to The Water Coolest, I’ll donate $1 to the charity you guys decide to send the money to. Oh, and you’ll get some free stuff for yourself.

Here are all the details…

Share your unique referral link (below) with anyone you think might be interested in The Water Coolest. You can email it, post it on social, etc. Get creative.

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Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “slipped from record highs on Wednesday as investors waited for AI bellwether Nvidia's pivotal earnings and digested minutes from the Federal Reserve's May meeting that revealed some officials were willing to hike rates if necessary.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “ticked up Wednesday after the latest Federal Reserve meeting minutes suggested a lack of confidence by policymakers that they will be able to lower interest rates anytime soon." (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled lower Wednesday for the third-straight day as an unexpected build in U.S. inventories cast doubt over demand in the world's largest crude consumer.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin was relatively flat on the day.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -0.4% // +6.0% after hours 2) C3.ai +4.8% 3) Tesla -3.4%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ e.l.f. Beauty just crushed Q1 earnings but shared an outlook only a mother could love. Still, the Street loves the growth story. Shares popped 2.1% in post-market trading, following an initial drop.

+ Shares of Analog Devices soared 10.8% after it reported an easy beat and a rosy outlook.

+ Electronic Arts went hard in the paint after news of strong College Football ‘25 presales. EA rose 4.8% in the day.

As a country, we need to stop lobbying for the day after the Super Bowl to be a national holiday, and turn our attention to getting Nvidia earnings day recognized…

Nvidia (-0.4% // +6.0% after hours) did what it does best… beat the astronomically high expectations set by the Street.

Don’t believe me? Sales grew 262% in the quarter. To be fair, that probably has something (read: everything) to do with its comps being pre-AI boom.

In case you’ve been living under a rock (that hasn’t been AI-enabled… yet), Nvidia has been securing Scrooge McDuck swimming pools of returns for investors.

It more or less has a stranglehold on the AI chip industry. It owns more than 80% of the market for the types of chips fueling large language models built by the likes of Google and OpenAI.

But wait, there’s more…

No, Jensen Huang didn’t get a tattoo of Nvidia’s Blackwell GPUs for the stock hitting $1,000 (or do a jersey swap with another famous CEO). It was something much, much better if you’re an investor…

The company announced a 10-for-1 stock split. I probably don’t have to remind you, but stock splits don’t actually impact the fundamentals of a company. They simply change the price of each stonk. And it’s one of the world’s great mysteries why investors love them so damn much (something to do with making shares more accessible, I guess…)

If that wasn’t enough, Nvidia also hiked its dividend from 4 cents to 10 cents per share. Don’t spend it all in one place.

+ Good news if you have “fringe political candidate sparks rally of washed-up ‘new media’ brand” on your 2024 BINGO card…

Former GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy announced that his investment firm has taken an 8% stake in BuzzFeed (+20.4%). Shares mooned on the news… for some reason.

It appears that his stake is the activist variety. In the filing, Vivek’s firm indicated it plans to open a line of communication with management. And there are about to be so many listicles titled “11 times Vivek owned Libs.”

Honestly, whatever he does can’t be much worse than what’s been happening over at BZFD. Shares have fallen ~91% from when the company went public. Turns out, being entirely dependent on social media and SEO to grow your brand is a bad model…

+ Ahhh, now it all makes sense why Target announced on Monday that it would be slashing prices on more than 5k products…

It’s because it was about to drop this dogsh*t earnings report. Sales fell year over year and Target (-8.0%) missed bottom line expectations. Not that I’m keeping score, but that’s the first time since late 2022.

Funny story, the bane of Target’s existence is the very thing that has been helping Walmart print money. Think: shoppers looking for bargains.

Unfortunately for Target, it moves more discretionary items like clothing and home goods compared to Walmart.

You see, Walmart gets ~60% of its revenue from groceries, while Target drives just 20% of its revenue from supermarket staples. And, you see, humans just can’t get enough of this food stuff…

+ There’s dumb. And then there’s "I pay a monthly fee for Amazon Alexa.” Amazon (-0.01%) is reportedly giving Alexa an AI makeover. But no more free lunch. You’ll have to pay an undisclosed fee for access to the upgraded voice assistant.

And since I know you’re wondering… the fee won’t be baked into your Prime subscription, which seems like a death sentence if we’re being honest…

+ SBF will have to make a bunch of new prison shower friends. According to sources, Sammy Steals is being transferred to a new prison home that isn’t in NY. This is despite his wishes to remain in the Empire State during his appeal process.

+ Amazon CEO: An ‘embarrassing’ amount of your success depends on this one skill (Read)

+ Most Americans falsely think the U.S. is in recession, poll shows (Read)

+ We’re in a ‘vibecession,’ experts say. Here’s how to invest accordingly (Read)

Yesterday we were keeping an eye on earnings from Analog Devices, Target, Nvidia, and e.l.f. Beauty. Plus, the FOMC minutes and the BHP-Anglo American drama were on our radar.

+ Investors be like “It’d be a lot cooler if you… didn’t"…”

Yesterday, the minutes from the Fed meeting dropped, and well, I’ve got some bad news if plan to buy a house. Some FOMC members “mentioned a willingness to tighten policy further should risks to inflation materialize in a way that such an action became appropriate.” Translation? They’re cool with raising rates.

+ Anglo American wants to play hard to get a little while longer. Because who doesn’t like being wined and dined? Anglo gave BHP another week to make a more reasonable offer. Friendly reminder: Anglo has already rejected 3 of BHP’s proposed deals.

+ Check out all the details on Analog Devices, Target, Nvidia, and e.l.f. Beauty’s earnings above

Here's what we’re keeping an eye on today...

+ Medtronic and TD Bank report this AM, but everyone will probably be too busy nursing their Nvidia earnings hangover

+ Intuit and Deckers earnings drop this afternoon

+ S&P Global Manufacturing PMI

+ Weekly initial jobless claims

Yesterday, I asked, “What’s the best frozen food in the game?”

The top 3 answer?

Probably my favorite comment, because it hits so close to home: “Specifically Dino Nuggets because they keep my toddler alive... or more accurately, they keep me sane because at least he's eating something.”

Here’s today’s question…

Inspired by this post.

Before you go…

Just some absolutely top-notch investing advice (Tweet)

Happy (belated) Bitcoin Pizza Day to those who celebrate (Tweet)

Succession quotes 🤝 real market events (Tweet)

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.