Hey there weekday warriors,
I’d like to think that Big Justice and the Rizzler are responsible for the increase in retail sales in July. Plus, Brian Niccol is just like us (read: doesn’t want to RTO).
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 24 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “ripped higher Thursday as Wall Street took in signals that pointed to a still-strong US consumer and labor market.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose Thursday after July retail sales data came in surprisingly strong.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “gained more than $1 a barrel on Thursday after U.S. economic data allayed fears of recession in the world's biggest economy, although the rally was limited by concerns of slower global demand.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin fell “back under $58K as crypto quickly crumbles Thursday afternoon.” (CoinDesk)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) AST SpaceMobile +50.7% 2) Nvidia +4.0% 3) Rocket Lab +12.5%
The market moves you need to know about…
+ You guys are savages. Shares of Cisco jumped 6.8% after announcing Wednesday that it would lay off about 7% of its workforce as it shifts its focus to AI.
+ If there’s anything more American than Deere shares popping, I don’t know what it is. The #1 holding of Farmer’s Only users rose 6.3% after an earnings beat.
+ Just me, or does it kinda feel like Peloton is the Make-A-Wish kid and David Einhorn is John Cena? Einhorn’s Greenlight Capital revealed a new stake in Peloton that sent shares soaring 11.4%.
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I’ve got receipts
Source: Giphy
Bah gawd, that’s the American consumers’ music…
Sure, it might feel like the United States has never been more divided. But there’s one thing that we can all agree on: spending money we don’t have, on stuff we don’t need.
Retail sales beat the Street’s expectations in a big way yesterday. Just how big was the beat, you ask? Well, if the consensus for July was the average American male (+0.4%), the actual figure was Barry Wood (+1%).
And just in case you’re the kinda person that thinks birds aren’t real, don’t take the government’s word for it…
Walmart (+6.5%) has got receipts, too.
The country’s largest employer (OF is presumably a close second) didn’t just beat on the top and bottom lines, it hiked its revenue and profit guidance for the full year.
But most importantly, Wally World leadership said, “We don’t see any additional fraying of consumer health.”
Oh, and we can all breathe a sigh of relief because some guy with an accounting degree who chose to spend his life in Bentonville, Arkansas (read: WMT’s CFO) is “not projecting a recession.”
So what does it all mean?
Well, the US economy appears to be healthier than that dude who uses his kid as a ‘blood boy.’
But if you’re still not totally convinced, we also got a weekly jobless claims report that showed a more resilient job market than expected.
Stocks ripped. Duh.
+ *Brian Niccol buys mouse jiggler*
Turns out that Starbucks (+1.0%) made new CEO Brian Niccol an offer he couldn’t refuse. His new pay package is worth up to $116M… in year one. That includes a “signing bonus” consisting of $10M in cash and $75M in equity. Going forward, his salary will be $1.6M, with an additional $7.2M in cash incentives and up to $23M in equity bonuses.
But it wasn’t all f*ck you money and free Frappuccino’s for life. As part of its sales pitch, Starbucks told his mf’er he can WFH. Which makes a lot more sense when you consider Brian currently lives in Newport Beach, CA, and Starbucks is headquartered in a city known for a music genre called grunge that averages 150 rainy days per year (see: Seattle).
+ Listen, I ain’t no snitch, but if the WHO is looking to point fingers for the latest mpox outbreak, I know where they should start looking (spoiler: follow the money)…
On Thursday, the World Health Organization declared mpox a global health emergency.
And, shocker, a handful of mpox vaccine makers got their Moderna circa July 2021 on. Bavarian Nordic, which has an approved jab, mooned as much as 17% at one point. And US based Emergent BioSolutions jumped more than 14%…
*Pfizer has entered the chat*
Oh, and…
+ Ex-Google CEO Eric Schmidt sees Nvidia as big AI winner: ‘You know what to do in the stock market.’ Dude didn’t even say ‘this is not financial advice’…
+ Subway to launch value meals, including $6.99 footlong, this month after snack promotion bust: sources. Are they bringing back Jared Fogle?
+ Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg receives letter from lawmakers concerned about illicit drug ads on Facebook and Instagram. Wait, you can buy drugs on IG?
+ Jamie Dimon backs ‘Buffett Rule.’ Sounds a lot like something someone who has a future in politics would say…
+ Earn up to 20,000 miles after spending just $500 on purchases in the first 3 months with this 0% intro APR credit card. It’s time to make credit card miles your entire personality.
+ Why Falling Mortgage Rates Aren’t a Quick Fix for Frustrated Homebuyers. Probably because they’re only dropping to like 6.5%…
+ Amazon Can’t Stop Shoppers from Using These 5 Hacks. Bezos down horrendous…
+ Home equity is ‘not like bread,’ expert says — ‘It won’t go stale.’ Here’s when it makes sense to tap it. Let’s get this bread.
🔥 Some experts have raised the odds of a recession. Here’s how much you should have in emergency savings. Spoiler: more than you do now.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ Yesterday, Walmart, Alibaba, Deere, JD.com, and Grab reported before the bell. Applied Materials dropped earnings after hours.
Plus, we got July retail sales data.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ The University of Michigan Consumer Sentiment report is released… and it better not f*ck up our Friday
Yesterday, I asked, “You can only have one for the rest of eternity, and all the others are erased from Earth. Which are you taking?”
Cheesecake Factory (42.9%)
Dunkin'
Arby's
Subway
Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Subway: “Gotta love 6 inches…of bread!” That’s what she said.
Dunkin': “I mean I live in Massachusetts. I don't think we're legally allowed to not choose Dunks.” I’ll just leave this right here…
Cheesecake Factory: “Their menu is as long as a Russian novel.”
Subway: “Variety... and Drake endorsed Cheesecake so it can't be that great”
Cheesecake Factory: “At some point, we all know that CCF is going to have the best things from each of the other restaurants on its expansive menu. Who could pass up a 12” doughnut cheesecake with a side of curly fries?” I think the word you were looking for was ‘donut.’
Here’s today’s question…
You can either have free food & drinks for life (your household) or $250,000 straight cash homie, right now. What are you taking?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.